Back to square one, and how much do looks matter vs. game?

So I’m basically out of women at this point, except a date I have set up tonight.

I’ve gotten 6-7 contact numbers in the past couple of weeks, but they all flaked, and I was spending quite a bit of time with Yoga girl and didn’t have a chance to go out much lately to number farm.

Two quick points on this:

  1. Women are uninterested and/or flake–they just do. This is even true on SOD (swipe/online dating), you just don’t see it when a girl swipes left, and if you’re on those platforms you know that matches drop off randomly all the time. And sometimes that’s the only explanation and there’s nothing you can do.
  2. It’s still worth asking why they flaked. In my case, the main factor is that I’m not spiking the conversation enough with negs, qualifying, sexual innuendo, etc. 99% of guys have a problem with this.

Anyway, the larger issue is that I haven’t done enough approaches–U-game is great in that it’s stuff we can do everyday and as it comes up, but there’s something to be said for going out on a Friday or Saturday night or doing a 2-3 hour session of day game, where you’re getting at least 5-10 approaches.

Being a dad, I have to choose weekends I have off or the weekdays I don’t have my son, and that happens to be the case this week and it’s exactly what I plan to do.

In truth, I’ve never done a true day game session. Yes, I’ve approached girls in the day and gotten numbers off the street or in a coffee shop, etc., but I’ve never gone out with the explicit intent of making sure to do at least 10 approaches, number farm, etc.

I guess in some ways that’s even true of my night/bar game. I usually get at least one number when I go out, but rarely more than two. This is definitely where I have to make shift in tactics, given the reality of how often women flake through cold approach.

So my goal this week/weekend is to hit it hard and get a ton of approaches in–I’ll definitely write up a field report after.

As for my success this fall (a lot of lays, very few flakes), I have to chalk it up partially to the fact I was less selective in terms of who to approach, and I often didn’t approach the hottest chicks (lately, I’ve been making it a point to go for the hot ones–avg. girl I approached this fall was probably a 6.5; avg. girl I’ve been approaching the past few weeks is 7.5), but also to some degree I just got lucky and was running into more yes girls than no.

That’s for sure been part of the problem for me recently–if I go back even further, of the last 15 contact numbers I’ve gotten, 7 have told me they were in a relationship (2 married). If that’s truly the case, and I have no reason not to believe them, then it makes sense they might get cold feet and flake.

Regardless, I’m not in a state of abundance, and the only way to reverse that since I’ve sworn off SOD, is to get out there and approach more girls. In some ways it sucks not to have a girl I can call to fuck right now if I want to, but on the other hand it’s exciting to be starting from scratch, knowing I have way more experience now than I ever have.

Looking at the numbers of guys like Nash and Torero, it seems like a guy running good game should get a number about 25-40% of the time, and from there, about half will flake. That means if I approach 30 girls this week/weekend, I should get around 10 numbers, leading to 5 dates.

Now to be sure, my game is not as good as those guys, so it may be that my numbers are lower initially, but I also know FOR SURE I’m better looking than Torero (which speaks even more to the dude’s skill–I have no idea what Nash looks like), and that does count too.

I guess I’ll weigh in here on something that’s a controversy, not just for PUA’s but for the manosphere in general–which is how much does game matter vs. how much do looks matter.

For sure, both matter, but I look at it like this: looks get your foot in the door, but game gets your dick in the girl.

I think I’ve mentioned this before or else on the mothership, but I’ve always been a reasonably fit, good looking dude, and lucky to be tall (6’3″)–but before I learned game, I would go months at a time between lays, and years without having a girlfriend.

Since learning game I’ve had quite a run, but it also came at a time after getting a lot more fit–nevertheless I know it’s game that matters more, because of the girls I didn’t fuck, rather than the ones I did.

One was a girl I met at a concert–at the end of the first date we were in her parking garage and I had my fingers inside her, but she wouldn’t let me come upstairs (I think she either lived with her parents or with roommates who would disapprove). If I knew what I know now, I should have just bent her over and banged her then and there, and I’m actually pretty sure that I could have. Fail.

When we had a second date I fucked up again–she drove me to my apt, came up, but for some reason that night I couldn’t escalate, failed to seal the deal, and you guys know the rest of the story: never saw her again.

The other girl I met on Halloween–had two crazy fun, sexy, making out dates with her, but could never close because of logistics. This was less my fault as she refused to meet me near my place, but still, if you’re pulling hard and going fast, you have to close with sex no later than the third date–and if you get her all hot and bothered, then it probably has to happen that night or it’s going to fizzle.

If you’re wondering why, it’s very simple: if you present yourself as the alpha/player dude, then she wants to fuck you and it’s your job to figure out how that happens. She may help you out–the smart girls do–but most girls assume you’re smooth enough to lead her right to it which is why she’s attracted to you in the first place. Sure, if I had dated either of these girls in BF mode, then yeah, maybe they don’t fizzle, but that was not the dynamic I was going for, nor should you.

Anyway, in both cases my looks got my foot in the door, but my game wasn’t solid enough to close the deal.

So on the one hand, fuck yeah, give yourself the best chance possible of opening the door via looks: LIFT!!!! Wear cool clothes–have a style–take care of grooming, etc.

On the other hand, just know that none of that matters if your game isn’t tight and you don’t know how to spark attraction.

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