I slept with a 23-year-old HB 8 a few nights ago for a glorious end to my slump.
1st date lay–a long lead starting several months back. She works at a bar I go to sometimes to watch sports and the first time she was working I gamed her and asked for her number. The next thing almost never happens: she said, no, give me yours… and then actually texted me.
Granted, it was several months later, but in the intervening times when I saw her I teased her about it in a joking way, flirted with other girls at the bar (pre-selection/dread), and was always friendly, joking, affable, etc.
Anyway, this week she reached out, I set up the date, and bang. I picked her up after work, we went to a bar, played Big Buck Hunter (she was fucking good at that–like scary good) and pool, had a few drinks, then bounced to another bar, got some food, then back to her place.
I want to talk about the escalation, because I’ve seen some stuff on TRP and read a post on Black Dragon saying that you shouldn’t kiss a girl on the first date unless you’re certain you’ll get laid. I understand where that may be coming from, and I guess if it’s a coffee date or something like that, OK, sure.
But that’s not the alpha move.
The alpha escalates.
In a way that is calibrated, yes–but he escalates. He hugs her when they meet, touches her on the shoulders, the low back, the sides of her thighs, he holds her hand, and then he kisses her, usually within the first two hours.
When I kissed this girl the other night–I’m going to call her Socks because she likes wearing short skirts and knee highs (no guy has ever complained about this btw)–after she was like, “you surprised me–I liked it.” And from there she starts teasing me, pressing her ass up against me, initiating some kissing on her own, etc.
Anyway, the player goes for the lay. RedQuest had a good post on this recently, about how if you don’t know what to do with a girl, invite her over for a movie, pour some drinks, then try to fuck her.
Obviously there is consent and no means no. It’s stupid that we even have to say that because a player isn’t in it for mere physical sexual pleasure–he’s in it for the game, the seduction. And forcing yourself on a woman isn’t seduction.
But increasing the buying temperature and initiating the dance toward sex–yes, this is our job. That is seduction.
And while there’s a risk anytime you escalate, isn’t that why it works? It takes balls, and we know damn certain that women almost never escalate of their own accord–most of the time she wants you to do it, and that’s especially true on the first date.
Now the criticism of this from Blackdragon’s view is that if you increase the buying temperature and then don’t actually have sex, she’s going to experience ASD and potentially flake out on the second date.
Seems to me that’s acting out of fear. If you’re confident in your game and your ability to seduce, why wouldn’t you escalate? And aren’t you just as likely to lose the girl if you don’t? Because if you don’t kiss her or attempt to escalate, a lot of girls are going to think you don’t know how and/or are a pussy. As Tom Torero says, it’s our job to try and it’s her job to decide if you keep going forward or not.
The other thing is that if you don’t escalate and kiss her on the first date, it’s going to be impossible to know if she wants to fuck that night or not.
I guess the ultimate question is, what’s your frame? If you’re coming from boyfriend aka provider mode, then sure, don’t kiss her.
However, if you’re coming from player aka lover mode, then doesn’t she expect you to try to fuck her, and isn’t that probably what she wants?
The point is that the risk you incur of losing a girl by trying to escalate on the first date is greatly outweighed by the opportunity you have to fuck her on the first date, knowing that even if you don’t, a lot of girls are going to come out on the second date regardless if your game is strong. And quite honestly, the type of girl who will flake out on the second date because you went for the lay on the first is the type of girl who’s likely to make you wait until beyond the third, which I refuse to deal with.
Remember what Rollo says: if she makes you wait for sex, the sex probably isn’t worth waiting for.
I wrote recently about a string of flakes I had which is obviously frustrating, but thinking about it more, my guess is that some of the flaking was due to the type of girls I was gaming–they were all older, between 27-33, and hitting the wall. I made clear what I wanted in my game and texts, and part of the reason they flaked is that they’re looking for a provider, not a lover.
That doesn’t mean I shouldn’t closely examine what I can do differently, but it’s all the more reason guys should be thinking about filtering when it comes to game (for me, 18-26, 33-40 if they’re hot). But maybe you want to be a serial monogamist like a lot of girls are–if that’s the case, women near the wall are probably fine, and it’s also reasonable to come at it from a boyfriend frame.
But that’s not what I’m in the game for: I’m in the game for seduction, spinning plates, and non-monogamy…
So yeah, if I go on a first date that’s conducive to seduction, I’m going for the lay. In my experience, if your game is tight, most of the time you’ll get it.
Happy hunting boys!