Redquest tweeted something interesting out the other day that struck a cord with me (btw if you want to follow me on Twitter, @redpilldadpua), which is that so many red pill guys and PUAs basically say they’re killing it constantly and never fuck up, but no one ever talks or writes about their mistakes.
I’m trying to be as transparent as possible on this blog, and I’ll remind everyone that I’m relatively new to TRP. I’m a little less new to game, having read the book and implemented it with some success (how I got married FML–learned game, met a hot chick, then wifed her up), but I’ve really only been employing pick-up and game tactics since last summer.
The whole point of this blog is to document the journey–as a writer of fiction I’m also working on a red pill novel, and it definitely helps me to live what I’m trying to capture.
Anyway, I figured I’d document a few of the things I’ve done where I’ve specifically fucked things up with chicks and hopefully guys can avoid or minimize these mistakes in their own journey. I initially just started writing the mistakes as they came to mind, but I’ve reorganized them in order of importance.
#1: Not going out to run game–always maintain abundance.
I made this mistake while I was spinning two pretty hot plates in January and February. One was Yoga Girl (HB 8) and one was Cam Girl (HB 7), who I haven’t written a ton about. But both were hot, I was fucking 3-4 days a week, it was really good sex and I got complacent.
Cam girl eventually left because I wouldn’t agree to be exclusive, while Yoga girl got me to agree (because I’m an idiot), but the problem was that I just stopped cold approaching for awhile.
I got back at it in March and had a good April, but until now I’ve been struggling with abundance and not having enough leads.
The number one thing for guys in game is making sure you have abundance, and unless you’re Chad, that means going out and applying cold approach, whether day game (my preference) or night/bar game. I cannot stress this enough: if you’re not going out at least once or twice a week and doing 20-30 sets, you’re going to have dry spells.
Sometimes this can be hard when you’re spinning some plates (I have two right now and that takes time), but it’s crucial to your development as a player. This is one of the reasons I really don’t like SOD (swipe/online dating) either–because you are relying on girls to match with you and you have no way of increasing your matches unless you lower your standards.
Seriously. Go talk to girls. Go get numbers. Try to pull. The best experience and learning occur infield, and that’s where the results are anyway.
#2: Bad Logistics.
This is why my first chance at a true day game insta-date SDL didn’t happen (there was this girl, but she was at a bar, so more of a pull than a day game lay–technicalities am I right?).
I gamed the girl well (interestingly we’re still in touch and she regularly texts me, so potentially a chance to get the notch at a later time). I’m a big white dude and she’s a tall, but thin black girl. I open with: “You are looking quite beautiful today–I love your dress.”
You can read the field report by clicking to the link above. The TL;DR is that it was a good insta-date, and leaving dinner (I know, I know, but I met her at like 5 and at some point we both wanted to eat–even players get hungry) there was a clear path for me to walk her back to her hotel…
But I had to move my car or it was going to get towed. Meaning I would not only have to pay $300 to get it out of the impound lot, but would also have no way of getting home or to work the next day.
For the chance at a lay that could get snatched away for any silly reason like LMR or whatever? Not worth it.
But it’s still my fault–bad logistics. Why in fuck’s name did I park somewhere I would have to move it? Partially because I had no inkling that I was going to go on an insta-date, but again, that’s my fault.
In game this is key–you have to assume the best case scenario at all times. This is important for 2 reasons:
- That’s how an alpha male behaves. Things go well for him generally so he assumes that this will continue to happen. This helps you to have that fun, carefree, DGAF attitude girls find addictive.
- If you get good at game, things often will go your way, which means you had better be prepared.
It starts at the open. Assume she’s attracted to you. Next assume she wants to go on a date. Then assume she wants to kiss you. Then assume she wants to fuck you. Then find a place to fuck her and do it.
Obviously, at whatever point she doesn’t, she’ll stop you. But always assume the escalation.
And I didn’t go out day gaming that day with the idea I could take a girl back to her hotel. Dumb. Because as any guy who’s done any amount of day gaming in a city knows, you come across tourists pretty often, and that’s a golden opportunity, although I’ve yet to take advantage.
So when you go out to do day game, or night game, or whatever, always make sure your logistics are solid:
- Is your house/apt clean enough (doesn’t have to be spotless IMO, but you need to look like you’re an adult)?
- Do you have booze or drinks (tea, coffee, soda) and food (cheese and crackers and fruit are always good) at your place?
- Do you have gum (a nice trick for the first kiss)?
- Do you have a condom on you?
- Do you have Viagra/Cialis if you’re drinking (sometimes an issue if I’ve had more than a few on a date, or pulling from night game)?
- Is your FUCKING CAR parked in a place where you don’t have to move it so you can go back to hers?
#3: Fucking up the movie date.
So you’ve basically done everything you’re supposed to do: you got her number, pinged her, got her out, and now, whether it’s a second or third date–or the first date (baller)–she’s back at your place to “watch a movie.”
9/10 times you should get the lay here, but as with all things in game, if you don’t execute, you’re not going to get it. Two very specific things I’ve fucked up here:
A) Choosing a movie that is actually good and/or kills the mood.
Funny enough the first time I did this was when I was super young (pre-game) with one of the hottest girls I’d dated to that point. And then I decided to rent Black Hawk Down…. FML. I don’t even care to explain why that didn’t work.
But I also did this recently with one of the hottest, youngest girls I’ve been able to get out–the Princess. She was an HB 9, 20-year-old model. For our first date we did a quick coffee/tea, but for the second date I got her to my place to “drink some wine and watch a movie.”
And then I fucked it up. The first movie we watched was fine, but the second was Get Out, which is the kind of horror movie that’s not funny or sexy, but actually really fucking creepy and weird (if you’ve seen it you know exactly what I’m talking about)–there was just no real way to escalate. I actually knew this would be a bad choice, but she really wanted to watch it and I fucked up by not holding the frame. Anyway, she ends up drinking too much wine by the end, so that even though I started escalating and she was responsive, by the time I carried her into the bedroom and got her shirt off, it was clear she was just too drunk and we both went to sleep.
(BTW–the new A Star is Born is a fantastic movie to escalate with. If guys have other go-to suggestions please leave in the comments section.)
Then she disappeared–ghosted my ass. I don’t know what I did wrong exactly, but my guess leads me to mistake three:
#4: Not fucking her when she expects it.
IMO, why I lost her.
Because I presented as a player on the street, I played the first date well, and then she came over to my house expecting that kind of experience.
She expected to get fucked.
Let’s be clear: one of the primary reasons women sleep with the player type guy is because they think the sex is going to be hot and good. And they also expect he’s going to know how to make it happen.
With princess, I didn’t–that was my job and I fucked it up. Part of that was the movie choice (in my defense, I tried to escalate several times pre-movie, but she wasn’t quite ready), but moreover it was the fact she didn’t come over to watch a movie. She came over to fuck. And why is she going to waste another date on a guy who can’t make that happen?
I also lost another girl (we’ll call her Metal Girl–she was into hard rock and metal) this fall (maybe two, although Halloween Cat Girl is a bit complicated) because I didn’t fuck her. There was a logistical issue on the first date (see #6), but I got a second date after and she dropped me off at my apt and came up… she delivered the pussy to my place–it was my job to make that shit go down.
I don’t exactly recall why I didn’t escalate well that night, but I didn’t, and she expected to get fucked. I had two chances. And when that didn’t happen, she was over it.
I’m usually good enough at escalating that I can safely say this has only happened twice since my awakening as a player–but it was with two very hot girls, so it’s no small loss.
Remember guys–especially if you picked her up via day game or bar game–she expects you’re a player, and if she’s hanging out with you, she expects you to seal the deal. In my experience, for this reason it’s always best to go for the first date lay.
#5: Texting too much and/or drunk texting.
Friends don’t let friends drink and text. Or re-ping non-responsive numbers.
Unfortunately, I don’t have keys for my phone. Maybe I should. Why? Well, for example, the other night I texted Trouble hoping for a booty call, got upset when she didn’t respond (irrationally, because I was drinking)–she was sleeping like a normal person–and then nuked her.
Blatant unforced error. Totally stupid and unnecessary. Luckily I was able to recover, but that’s often not the case.
There was actually a very lovely young woman (Carolyn HB 8) I lost a chance with earlier this year because she hadn’t responded to my initial ping and after a few beers with some friends, assuming she was a flaky number, I sent something stupid and snarky.
Then of course she replies the next day saying she was busy at work and was really looking forward to meeting me out… but not anymore. FML.
As Redquest has wisely noted, all you have is your attention. That is literally your only value to her. One of my plates right now has a pretty smart quote: “men need to feel loved and women need to feel wanted.”
And that’s true. Which means if you want her love (read: sex), you can’t make her feel wanted for free. Over-texting gives her what she wants for free, and with drunk texting you’re more likely to make a mistake, overreact, say something you shouldn’t/wouldn’t, or at the very least, over-text.
Todd V has made the observation that comfort destroys value and value destroys comfort. When you give attention for free, or the wrong kind of attention, you’re destroying your value in her eyes.
The hard thing is that texting is fucking tricky. We’re not really meant to communicate that way, but that’s the norm–people don’t call each other anymore, and where it would seem that calling a girl might be a cool way to come off as unique, there’s a huge risk of it appearing uncalibrated and/or needy. I should note that Abledad says he calls and that works for him, so maybe something guys should experiment with.
Anyway, keep texting to a minimum. I think it’s important to appear fun and playful via text–sending GIFs, memes, stuff like that–but for the most part it’s logistics: when is she free, what time to meet, etc.
Oh, and last very important point: IF SHE DOESN’T RESPOND RIGHT AWAY, JUST FUCKING CHILL. If she’s not responding, yes, most of the time that means she’s not going to… but girls are random as hell and bad at communicating. Sometimes they’ll text back a few days or weeks later. So far it seems to me the best thing to do is nothing, then go talk to more girls.
#6: Assuming sex has to happen in a private room (your/her place).
This piggybacks on the logistics part, because ultimately the goal is sex and to have sex you have to have a place where you can do it–logistics–but deserves it’s own category.
Because sometimes you have to improvise. I could/should have fucked Metal Girl last fall, but didn’t because #4 I didn’t fuck her when that’s what she wanted, but before that, I assumed I had to get up to her place for the bang.
We met at a concert, made out a bit, I got her number and a few days later our first date was going well. First bar got a kiss, bounced to a second, she’s pretty drunk and horny (I actually end up fingering her on a couch in the second bar), and then she wants me to walk her home… but for some reason won’t let me come upstairs. Says she has a dog, but in retrospect I think she had roommates or was living with her mom.
In any case, we’re in her parking garage, I’m still fingering her, she’s got her hand on my dick, and what I should have done at that point was taken her behind a car, pulled up her skirt, and fucked her right then and there.
Being newer to game at this point, I didn’t have the wherewithal to do that. I will say in my defense, I at least learned my lesson: I fucked a girl in her truck this April on the first date–and I’m glad I did. She’s a chick I had met a long time before and had a really hard time getting out; in fact, I haven’t gotten her out since.
So if I hadn’t improvised my logistics in that case, I probably lose the notch.
#7: Gaming and dating time wasters.
I didn’t write much about the Tease, but mainly because there wasn’t much to report. First date didn’t kiss (per Black Dragon), second date made out, then I asked her to come to my place for dinner, she denied, and I royal flushed (sort of–I texted her: “K, good luck girl.”) And I haven’t heard from her since.
Which is fine.
If she’s not even willing to come over to your place or go to a place where sex can happen by the third date, NEXT.
I probably played that one about right, although I wish I would have pushed harder on the first date for a kiss or makeout–the polarization would have told me if she’s a yes girl or a no girl.
We sometimes forget that what girls want–especially hot girls–isn’t sex. They can have sex whenever they want (she actually told me this). What they want is attention from a high value guy.
So if you want sex, you have to give her enough attention that she knows you’re interested, but still leaves her wanting more. It’s a tricky balance, and certainly one I haven’t mastered, but I’ve definitely spent too much time with girls who weren’t ever going to have sex with me, or if they were, it was going to take a long, long time.
There’s kind of an adage in the community that if she doesn’t want to fuck you in the first three dates, you’re not turning her on enough, and I think that’s generally true. Even if it’s not, why waste your time when plenty of girls will fuck you on the first date?
But wait, doesn’t this mean you’re selecting for sluts?
No, not necessarily. I mean, Nash, Torero, Krauser, Roy Walker and others have all written about fucking virgins on multiple occasions. Even in my own experience, Socks–one of my current plates–is a super hot HB 8 who’s 24, and she’s only fucked 6 guys and I’m number 6.
Now, you could say all these girls are just lying–and maybe they are–but it seems unlikely that this is true 100% across the board. No, my guess is that even most girls who have a low n-count and are “good girls” have had a few experiences in life where sex happened very quickly–and I for one want to be the guy who gives it to her.
The whole Alpha Fucks/Beta Bucks thing is too true to be denied at this point, and girls respond to an alpha differently than a beta. Which means that if she doesn’t want to fuck you pretty quickly, she doesn’t see you as an alpha–because even if she’s a “good girl”, one of the ways girls try to lock down alphas is to give them quick sex and hope they stick around.
TL;DR–token LMR or not banging a girl on the first date is one thing, but the rule of three is a good one. If she hasn’t fucked you by the third date, you’re doing something wrong, she isn’t going to, or if she is, it’s going to be boyfriend sex and it might take 10 dates before you put the P in the V.
Don’t waste your time. As Nash says: go out and talk to more girls.
#8: Gaming waitresses, strippers, and girls who receive a ton of male attention on a regular basis.
To be clear, I’m not saying you shouldn’t game waitresses, strippers, and girls who get a lot of male attention on a regular basis–I’m just saying you need to understand what it is you’re getting into:
- Your game has to be tight as fuck, and you’re going to have to differentiate yourself more (be more polarizing), because she gets loads of attention from tons of thirsty guys all the time.
- It’s going to be exceedingly difficult to keep her attention almost no matter what you do, because again, she has a constant font of attention from men–so her needs are nearly always sated.
- Some of the men she encounters are going to literally throw money at her–Socks had a guy invite her to go with him to fucking Europe. So you’re competing with that kind of shit too.
- Because of the above, she’s more likely to be flaky, arrogant, tease, and play games.
- Wrap your shit up. A lot of these girls have an astronomical n-count.
The reason this is important is that these girls are low hanging fruit. The server at the local bar, strippers (obviously), even the barista depending on the coffee shop–they get hit on all the time by thirsty guys, because the plausibility is obvious: you’re at the restaurant, so of course you’re going to talk to the server.
That’s a key point I want to stop on. When running any kind of game, there needs to be plausibility: why are you talking to this girl? She needs to know it and you need to know it.
Now as the London guys figured out, it can just be direct–you think she’s attractive. But that’s really all your opener needs: plausibility. If you have that you’re solid.
Anyway, your value to girls who are not in these industries is much higher and therefore better targets in terms of game. Think about it: do you want to compete with every male customer a female server has every day, or with a few randoms a hair dresser or nurse or corporate type might encounter in a month? The answer is pretty obvious.
This is another reason I’m very wary of girls who are obsessed with Instagram or social media–they’re constantly seeking validation. You and I know that it’s not real and has no value, but many girls don’t seem to understand that.
As a guy who enjoys a good beer and going out, I’ve often gamed these girls and with some success–I keep bringing up Socks: she’s a plate so it’s a good example. But to be honest I have trouble keeping their attention: she often won’t reply to texts, likes to play games, likes to tease, etc.
So again, I’m not saying don’t game these girls–you should pretty much game every girl you find attractive IMO. Just know what you’re getting into and don’t rely on it. Hitting on your server doesn’t count as an approach. Go run some proper day game or night game and meet different kinds of girls.
#9: Burning bridges–why you shouldn’t nuke girls when they piss you off.
I have to say, it is astonishing how flaky and unreliable the modern woman is. I typically don’t have a lot of girls who cancel dates (although it certainly does happen), but a huge percentage of the numbers I get–whether night game, day game, or one offs–never respond.
But even when you get a girl out, some of them like to play games and tease–see point #7–some girls ghost after the first date, and some just tell you one way or another that they’re not interested for whatever reason. I’m coming to appreciate the latter as it’s so rare; call me old-fashioned, but ghosting and flaking drives me crazy–it’s the epitome of cowardice and entitlement combined, which are probably the two worst qualities our society encourages in people these days. Especially women.
Anyway, what I’m getting at is that obviously things don’t always go your way, and the knee-jerk reaction is to send a pithy text (like the one I gave the tease–“K, good luck girl”) and/or nuke the girl some way with a gotcha line. Or in some cases you just get pissed and tell her to fuck off.
I’ve done a number of dumb things–the most petty was deleting a girl’s number and then pretending to have no idea who she was when she texted me back (because she flaked on a date).
Here’s the thing though : it may feel good in the moment to tell a girl off or give her, “some of her own medicine,” but it’s never going to yield a good result.
Because as red pill doctrine tells us: women don’t/can’t take responsibility for fucking up. In her mind, ghosting, flaking, or whatever, is 100% justified and you should just deal with it. Women are almost never held to any sort of moral code or standard of behavior. Think about how our society frames cheating: if a man cheats, it’s the man’s fault. And, if a woman cheats… it’s the man’s fault–somehow or someway, he’s done something wrong to deserve it.
Long story short, if you call her out or nuke her, she’s going to think one of two things:
- This guy doesn’t like me anymore and isn’t interested, and even if that makes me want to chase, I’m not going to because my ego is too fragile. Or…
- This guy is an asshole. Not in a good way.
So there’s just no point in calling her on her shit. You have two choices then:
- Ignore it and continue the game. Or…
- Ignore it and NEXT.
And even though it’s perfectly human to get upset or frustrated when met with bad behavior, you’re better off to take a deep breath, chill out, try to figure out if there’s a mistake you made or error to correct (sometimes there is and sometimes there isn’t; the reality of it is that the modern female is super flaky, unreliable, and squirrelly and there’s often nothing you could have really done differently), and then pursue option 1 or 2 above.
Because some percentage of girls will come back. I’ve had ghosts suddenly reappear, a girl who flaked on a date text me three days later for a booty call, and girls who told me they weren’t interested decide as many as six months later (yes, you read that correctly) that they were.
So don’t nuke. Don’t burn the bridge. Ignore the bad behavior, give her the space to potentially come back, and as Nash says, go talk to more girls.
#10: Overly relying on alcohol or drugs for courage or an aphrodisiac.
This is probably a bigger problem than most guys in game want to admit, but it’s a killer.
As I mentioned in #5, drunk texting is bad because you’re going to make mistakes you wouldn’t otherwise make, and it’s the same reason a player has to be careful with how much he’s drinking or using.
Understand, I’m not a moralist or a puritan. I don’t have anything against drugs and/or alcohol–it’s just that guys need to be careful it doesn’t become an impediment to their game and/or lifestyle.
This can be tough. Because it’s easier to talk to girls after a few pints. Plus, girls like to go to clubs and bars, so those places are target-rich environments. And on a first date it’s easy to have one or two more than we ought, or alter our state with weed or coke (not my jam, but again, no judgment) or whatever to deal with the anxiety.
But it’s also super easy to go overboard, and if you do, your game is mortally wounded. Girls aren’t giving their number to a guy who’s wobbling and slurring his words, and they’re certainly not going home with him. Plus, if it becomes a player’s standard to rely on booze or drugs in whatever aspect of his game, it becomes a crutch that’s hard to remove.
Worse, it’s not healthy.
Full disclosure, I’ve definitely had my struggles with this, particularly because alcohol and dating + partying are so closely intertwined these days. I’ve had multiple nights out where there were lots of pretty girls but I was too drunk to do anything about it, and I’ve had chances to pull when again, inebriation prevented me from sealing the deal.
So be careful. And if this is something you struggle with, a good way to get over it is to go out during the day and do sober day game. Trust me. Girls will still stop. They’ll still talk to you. And once you get past the first few sets, the AA mostly goes away and you’ll be in the groove, proving to yourself that you don’t need alcohol/drugs to run game.
So yeah, those are the top 10 mistakes I’ve made–and sometimes continue to make. I’m sure some guys are going to come at me and say I’m immature, overly emotional, and whatever, to which I’ll say yes: I’m human.
And that’s the last point I want to make here: I wouldn’t trust anyone who basically presents themselves as the perfect alpha. On the TRP reddit sub and the community in general, there’s way too much chest thumping and what Torero calls 2-D alpha posturing.
Good luck out there fellas!