Revisiting dad frame/game; why your mission and health have to be a priority.

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A reader reached out with an email asking me about what I tell girls in terms of being a dad, and I referred him to one of the earlier posts I wrote for this blog on that topic.

The TL;DR is that if she sees you as the lover, the Chad, the alpha, it doesn’t matter–in fact you could argue there’s some preselection there. Like, a woman chose YOU for the DNA of her child/children. That’s good.

A few more thoughts on dad disclosure:

First, if you’re doing SOD (swipe/online dating), don’t put it in your profile, because it will drastically decrease your matches. That is a platform where all that matters is appearance, and girls are looking for literally anything to disqualify you–kids definitely count. BTW, I hope that if you read this blog you’re not doing that–at least not exclusively. OLD can work, but it’s a lesser way of meeting women and every guy will do better (read: hotter, younger women) by learning cold approach and doing night or day game.

Second, if she sees you as the lover, she’ll ask precious little about your life because she cares precious little about your life–she likes how you make her feel, whether that’s flirting on the street when you met her, escalating on the date, or fucking her good, hard, and long until she comes.

Third: is that if you don’t want to tell her, don’t. Obviously at some point–third, fourth date, or beyond–it’s going to come up if you keep seeing the chick. But there’s no rule that says you have to tell her anything about yourself you don’t want to; you can sure as shit guarantee that until she trusts you, she’s playing her cards pretty close to the vest.

Finally, like most things in game, it simply comes down to frame control. If your frame is, “yeah, I have a kid(s)”, you show you’re proud but don’t talk about it too much, 9/10 girls won’t care–and the ones who do are probably not worth gaming anyway, because they’re the same kinds of chicks who want to exchange sex for a relationship.

On the other hand, if it doesn’t come up and then she somehow finds out or you tell her after you’ve had sex with her and she gets mad, again, maintain the frame: “my kid(s) aren’t a part of our relationship until I decide they are–if that pisses you off too bad. I’m not looking for a mom.”

And I’ll come back here to the point that if you’re fucking her good and she’s attracted to you, it just doesn’t matter. Funny enough and somewhat related, Rollo and a few others were tweeting about Alpha Widows the other day, and what do you know? In a two day span, Yoga Girl, Cam Girl, and Kitty are all texting me wanting to hang out.

Yoga girl (HB 8) for those new to the blog, was a semi-LTR who flamed out rather quickly this Spring. I’m probably not going to text her as she’s all over the fucking place, but seems dead set against fucking, even though she’s now tried to reignite the relationship several times.

Same with Kitty. I dropped her like a hot rock last month, but she keeps coming back. Ever since we fucked last fall, she’s been chasing hard. It’s kind of hilarious.

With Cam Girl (yes, she makes money–or used to–as a nude web cam model), we’ll see. She fucking shunned my ass after I told her I wasn’t willing to be exclusive and this is the first I’ve heard from her. She called me late the other night using FB messenger. Of course she still wants to be exclusive, but she lives in a different town now, so it’s possible we can work something out.

Three words on her: best blowjobs ever.

Monk mode: putting health and mission first.

As some of you may have noticed, I haven’t been as active dating or running game this summer as I was in the spring–some of that is me being lazy and fucking up, but some of it is a bit out of my hands with work, taking care of my son, and going on a few short vacations.

Anyway, I was talking to my only other real-life red pill friend (like from before either of us knew about TRP, though it sounds like I need to get to NYC next time they do a players’ meeting) about stuff. He’s trying to fix his marriage and go from blue pill to red pill with the same wife–extremely difficult, but very admirable as his justification is that this is what’s best for his kids, even if isn’t for him personally. I have a ton of respect for him for that reason.

But he made a good point: being red pill isn’t ONLY about intersexual dynamics–it’s about being the best man you can be. And I’ve forgotten that recently, to the point where I’ve let my fitness flag, I’ve gotten lazy with my game, and I haven’t done nearly as much writing as I should.

Which means only one thing: monk mode.

To me this means very intentionally eating well, working out, and being productive. Some guys stop gaming when they enter monk mode, but I think that’s a huge mistake unless there’s no other way to get it done. It’s clear to me that cold approach and dating and fucking are like muscles–if you neglect to work out, they atrophy. So if I stop doing day game, etc., I’d regress and I don’t want that to happen.

What I am going to do on that front is treat it like a job: log so many hours and approaches doing cold approach each week, shoot for 1-2 dates a week, go for 2 new lays a month. At the same time, I’m putting my writing first and foremost as I want to get in some earnest work on the red pill novel and continue writing this blog.

I bring this up because things ebb and flow, and it’s very, very easy to become complacent. And since TRP is ultimately about sexual strategy, the point I want to make is that when you ignore yourself, your ability with women takes a nose dive as well. Whether that’s putting on few extra pounds and not being quite as attractive or simply not being sharp on dates or in bed because you’re shorting yourself on sleep, nutrition, etc., it’s incredibly easy to fall off the wagon. Actually that’s a lot of what’s wrong with our society and why so many people get fat, fuck up their relationships, and are generally unhappy.

Because here’s the question: if you don’t put yourself first, why should she? Seriously, why would a hot 23 year old girl (or your LTR or wife) want to fuck a guy who doesn’t have his shit together, isn’t fit, and can’t hold frame? We all know the answer.

She won’t.

Quick disclaimer: I’m NOT one of those red pill guys who believes in, “build it and they will come,” meaning that all you have to do is be a fit, high quality guy and women will just come to you.

That’s bullshit. You can be ultra super Chad, but unless you’re rich and famous, you’ve got to have game–and even then you probably should (although it seems to me that guys who get rich and famous generally have game, which is partially what allows them to become rich and famous). So learning to cold approach, escalate, tease, spike, etc., is essential for players.

However, if you combine this with being super fit, on point, and you have that positive energy and glow that comes with being successful in business and life, it’s a lot easier. I sometimes think guys underestimate how big a difference a small change in fitness can make in terms of increasing SMV. To use myself as an example, my muscles are well defined, but I’m not “cut.” Getting cut–which is my goal–might only mean losing 15-20 lbs (keep in mind I’m a big dude), which is very doable if I stay keto and lift. But it probably means my SMV goes say from a 7 to an 8–and that makes a huge difference in how chicks will see me.

On the business/life side of things, as RedQuest has pointed out recently, there are way fewer guys who earn enough passive income online to live independently and spend all their time gaming than you might be led to believe on Twitter or Reddit. Most of us have to work a normal job–or at least long hours at an abnormal job–and if you don’t take care of that and your finances, it’s weighs on your mood and spirit.

Feel like I’m blabbering on a bit so I’ll stop, but TL;DR–take care of yourselves fellas. You’ll appreciate it and so will she.

I’ll have a report on day game and dating Monday summarizing this week’s action.


  1. “First, if you’re doing SOD (swipe/online dating), don’t put it in your profile, because it will drastically decrease your matches. ”

    I completely agree with you, and with not mentioning it in any form of dating at first. For me, my children are none of a girl’s (or any stranger’s) business until I at least know she’s not batshit crazy. Even when I know she’s cool, I usually don’t discuss it unless asked, and keep any small-talk about them to the bare minimum.


  2. Monk mode is definitely the best way, but really, it should be called “Normal Mode”. I can speak from experience that it goes a long way of resolving attraction issues. Be prepared for shit tests, some wives will do this in the form of sabotaging you by baking their best junk food, or complaining about you going to the gym, etc.


  3. Nice post. I completely agree men need to put their mission and health first. Not just for stretches at a time but consistently. Players who don’t put their mission first (or make chasing girls their mission) burn out.

    And I agree there’s rarely a time where it makes sense to stop gaming. It is a muscle like you said. And a man who’s not getting regular sex will be affected by that lack.

    Just like health it’s ultimately about balancing how much you spend on your mission versus gaming new girls versus working on your health.

    What I personally find works best for me is having certain rules/habits. Things like eating low carb, finishing my to do list every day, ensuring I always have at least two regulars in my rotation…when you have a lot on autopilot it frees your limited mental attention to focus on the 1 or 2 things that “move the needle” towards you goals.

    Look forward to seeing how the new focus goes for you


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