I want to be clear about what I was trying to say with my last post on how today’s men, to women, are somewhat disposable.
The point was simply to remind guys that any woman who’s SMV is 6+ has plenty of options and for that reason, attractive women tend to take male attention for granted (if you don’t believe me, read this and then follow the link). In addition, because this has become the trend, to a player or high quality guy, women have in turn made themselves somewhat disposable.
I didn’t discuss this from a numbers perspective, but think of it this way: in prior era’s, let’s say the 1960’s or 1970’s when more people got married, attractive men were scarce, because most of them were married to attractive women. Indeed, 75% if the numbers are correct.
So only 25% of dudes were single, and we can guess that those guys weren’t exactly top drawer for the most part, right, because chicks didn’t want to marry them.
Fast forward to today, and around only 45% of people are married (don’t get married), and the 55% who aren’t are disproportionately young people, as the average date of marriage in one’s life keeps getting pushed back.
So now: lots more attractive single men and women available in their 20’s and 30’s. Guys obviously zero in on the hottest chicks, so the level of attention this group gets is inflated. Women do the same thing, but they’re much more picky than men (muh, hypergamy*), so the number of guys who get female attention–especially from the hotties–is only a small percentage of overall guys.
If you’re doing it right, you and I are those guys.
I’ve been with over 20 girls (average is probably HB 7, with some 6’s and 8’s thrown in the mix, average age around 26) in the last calendar year, and all but a few were from cold approach, either night or day game. Whether that’s disgusting or awesome or both, you can decide, but that is not the average experience for most guys–even very successful, good looking guys. No, those guys are thirsty AF, and yet, to girls they present as… successful, good looking guys. Especially on Tinder and online. But when they meet them IRL, most guys are blue-pill betas who frankly aren’t worth the chick’s time (or are 1-2 points above her SMV and pump and dump them).
The point is that from the pick-up (or match) to the 1st/2nd date, it’s pretty easy for her to write you off–Magnum argues that until you’ve fucked her good a couple times, easy come easy go, and he’s not wrong.
So the primary job of a player is to set himself apart. One of the reasons that lifting is something RP guys hammer on about is because it’s a relatively simple way to raise your SMV, confidence, and stand out from other guys who are mostly overweight schlubs or soy boys with stick arms. Guys who are big and muscular, yet fit, are rare.
Fashion is another area where guys can set themselves apart. Every guy should have a distinct style or archtype that’s attractive to women. I’ll do a write up at some point of some archtypes and styles women like, but for now, RedQuest has a good post on fashion guys should check out.
What I will say quickly that RedQuest doesn’t mention is peacocking. He talks a bit about having necklaces and rings (yes to both), but I’d also say that in addition, tattoos can be a conversation starter–and, for better or worse, it’s a status symbol these days. I don’t think it’s a must, but a lot of chicks like them and I’ve had some very good responses since getting the few I have. Word of advice: if you ARE going to get tattoos, get ones that are cool, original, and you can live with–otherwise, there are better things to do with your money.
I also wear fake gauge black earrings (why fake? Because someday I might not want to have giant holes in my ears), which chicks like too. Anyway, I know a lot of guys will say that’s all PUA stuff you don’t need, and maybe that’s true, but it does set you apart, which is what this post is about.
Remember the basic point of peacocking is that you’re doing stuff other guys can’t get away with because they’re not true alphas. Mystery wearing a fucking top hat, makeup, and painting his nails black worked, because he had the game to back it up.
I’m not saying you need to go that far, but basically, when it comes to your look, a chick should be able to pick you out of a crowd of random dudes. Easily. If she can’t, you’re going to have to work harder to differentiate yourself.
However, the biggest way to differentiate is in how you interact with the girl, and that’s where game comes in. A lot of what I’m writing are topics for larger posts, but here are the basic keys of game in terms of how you should be interacting with chicks:
- Be direct and sexual. Even with an indirect open, she should sense that you are interested in her, and at some point–often right away–you need to make an SOI or statement of intent. “You’re looking quite lovely today.” One of the ways you communicate this is through body language: strong, sexual eye contact (imagine taking her from behind), erect, relaxed posture, and proximity–get close to her if you can without being weird. You should also be smiling and affable with an air of confidence.
- Flirt and tease. To counteract the power you give away by being direct and sexual, we need to flirt with the girl and tease her. “Those sunglasses are absolutely hideous.” Laugh at that, but I’m currently fucking the girl I said that to. Be lighthearted and funny while teasing.
- Challenge/break rapport. Just like flirting and teasing, occasionally it’s good to disagree with her. Not in a dickish way, but just standing your ground. “Oh please don’t tell me you’re a vegetarian.” That kind of thing.
- Rapport/grounding. The overall interaction should be push-pull. You’re direct and sexual, yet tease and challenge. But then you pull her back in again by finding commonalities and showing you’re a normal guy–not a PUA. What’s interesting about you? What things do you enjoy? We don’t want to talk a lot about ourselves, but she should know enough to want to know more.
- Kino. Once you’ve established some rapport with the girl, you want to engage in some light touching. My go to is to push her lightly away when I make a joke, or hold her hand. Sometimes I’ll go for a hug at the end of the interaction if it feels right. Obviously, if it’s on a date, you want to go further, touch her leg, the small of her back, and then at some point, sooner rather than later, go for the kiss.
The last point I’ll make here is a true player is NOT AFRAID TO LOSE HER. EVER. You are outcome independent and DGAF. Damone from Fast Times at Ridgemont High has a line that applies here: “The attitude dictates that you don’t care whether she comes, stays, lays, or prays. I mean whatever happens, your toes are still tappin’.”
I’ve been on a thread with Coco, Magnum, and RedQuest, and they saw the play by play of me trying to get Socks back. It’s looking now like I’ve fucked that one up, because I took the number of a girl right in front of her. Probably not smart, but it was intentional, both because the other chick was hot and because I was trying to dread Socks a little. To that point she’d been ghosting me after being a reliable plate this past Spring and Summer, so I wasn’t really sure why she left or what I needed to do to retain her; I wouldn’t do what I did again (I generally agree with RedQuest that you shouldn’t purposely be mean to people), but I’m not mad at myself for trying. At least I learned something.
Long story short, the dread game worked, but too well, and now she’s pissed at me (although still sending angry texts, unprompted, which at least means she’s interested). Oh well. As much as I like her–probably the closest thing I’ve had to oneitis to this point–I’m not afraid to lose her.
Because there are tons of hot chicks out there waiting to be approached. And not being afraid to lose any one of them sets me apart.
Nash is right. A true player isn’t disposable, nor is a good man, but it’s your job to prove that to her.
I should mention that I didn’t coin the term–I think I saw RedQuest use it first–but I like saying it never-the-less as a mantra:
There has never been a better time to be a player.
* A super simple way to understand hypergamy and why there’s an imbalance in the sexual marketplace is this: as a man who’s SMV is 7-8, is willing–sometimes–to sleep with a female 6-7. This is true in general for men. A female 6, however, will not sleep with a male 5-6; she’ll only sleep with 7’s and above–and because of Tinder, she’s done this.