A player’s loneliness and what guys can do to stay mentally healthy.

One of the things that a lot of guys in game experience is loneliness. The dark side of being a non-monogamous player is that we don’t have a consistent partner. And it can be hard to find community, because almost no one understands what we do and why we do it, and even less condone it.

Guys who are redpill experience something similar given that we know things to be true about the world, the nature of women, relationships, and evolutionary biology that people either don’t believe or refuse to acknowledge.

Now, the common reaction in redpill circles for any sort of adversity seems to be: fuck you pussy, man up.

And in some cases, that’s fair–if a guy is doing nothing to improve himself as a man, or is a blue pill guy complaining about his girlfriend/wife without taking action, then he does need to man up.

But human beings are social creatures–arguably the most social animals to exist on the planet–and we need community. We need friends, family, and community like any other human being.

This has been one of the best things about connecting with other guys in the community, both on Twitter and through Line. Even though I’ve never seen these guys IRL and still don’t know their real names, chatting on texts as well as talking on the phone has been rejuvenating–and it’s also a good way to get advice on game, relationships, women, etc.

Anyway, the purpose of this post is to point out that it’s not a weakness to admit you feel lonely–it’s something that a lot of people struggle with in our modern world, even non-players.

So instead of beating yourself up or feeling like you’re some kind of pussy, do something about it.

I told Mr. V I was going to run some day game after lifting yesterday, but when my lifting buddy said, hey, come over, let’s play a game and have a glass of wine and I’ll grill up some steaks, I opted for that instead. Initially I started beating myself up for not going out and getting reps, but then suddenly this realization struck me that this was the right choice–that spending time with my friend, playing a game, and just chilling out is OK from time to time.

And that’s what I say to you now: take care of yourself. Spend time with friends and family. If you can, find a community of guys who get together for some purpose. If that’s day or night game, awesome, but it’s just as well if it’s fishing, hunting, poker, fantasy football, sports, whatever. This shouldn’t come at the expense of your mission, but even super driven people find that at some point they burn out and need to refresh and relax.

Another piece of advice I’d give is to call people more often. I try to have a long conversation with at least one other person at least once a day, because in the era of social media and texting, it’s getting more and more rare–and yet, we need it. We need that chance to connect with people and hear an actual human voice.

The final thing guys should think about is writing. To be honest, I write the blog because I want to help guys, but I also write because I want to help myself. It allows me to reflect on my game, yes, but more than that, it’s useful to clear my head, think things through, and develop some perspective on where I’m at and what I’m doing.

Trust me, the hustle and the girls will be there, and you can count me as one of those guys who thinks it’s possible to be a player basically as long as we stay healthy and take care of ourselves.

I should add here also that some guys are just not cut out for this life, and if you’re genuinely unhappy running game, seducing women, etc., then don’t. Doesn’t mean you have to get married either–I still think being a serial monogamist as a dude is a perfectly legit option, although not something I want to do personally…

Hope this helps! Good luck and godspeed fellas!

2 thoughts

  1. Another good post and you’re spot on. A man should have a network beyond just the women he dates to provide companionship/”affection”. Not doing this well will eventually lead to “oneitis” which is very bad.

    I do think there is value in considering different dating configurations as well. You can be a hard core player and only do one night stands. But a lot of men would be happier having a “main” girl together with several more casual girls on the side, or having a few casual regulars that stay in your life for months to years while you also have the side sport fucks as they come up.

    The key is when you have game and your life together you have options to set things up as you want, as you’re in the driver’s seat.

    Like

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