I’ve thrown this out before, but Todd V has a great breakdown where he talks about the three basic reasons guys get laid:
- The guy is higher value than the girl, so it’s a win for her in terms of SMV. 95% of the time this is the case with online game, where girls have a significant advantage and match with men 1-2 points above their SMV.
- There is a compelling story or narrative about the hookup/relationship.
- You are the last dick standing.
I’ve been thinking about number two a lot lately, and I’d argue that most of what we talk about when we discuss game falls into this category.
For instance, think of the basic day game approach: you see a pretty girl on the street, you open her and the two of you have a fun/sexual conversation, and at the end of the interaction, she gives you her number.
From the daygamer’s perspective, it’s not a story–he was planning to do this and he executed: the open, the stack, the vibe, the grounding, and the close.
But for the girl, it’s a hell of a story, especially if the player is on point with his game.
“OMG a cute guy just came up to me the other day at the coffee shop and started talking to me–he was very forward: he told me he liked me right away… but IDK I kinda liked it. And he was kinda mysterious–there was this sexual chemistry between us I can’t quite explain. I’m going out with him Thursday.”
Did the guy’s SMV matter–the fact he lifts, has good fashion, etc? Of course. At some stage we’re all responding to that reptilian brain and the cues of attraction. But for the girl, the difference–the trigger–is the story she can tell about the guy. Why does this make sense? Why does this feel right? Why should she jump out of her usual lane to go out with a guy she just met on the street–or at the grocery store or bar or club for that matter?
A: the story–and it’s our responsibility to give her the script.
It’s one reason I’m such a big proponent of cold approach. Because by it’s nature, cold approaching is noteworthy. It’s interesting. For most girls–even very pretty girls–it doesn’t happen very often, especially outside of a bar or nightclub.
This translates to relationships as well. In Nash’s post on breaking the girl, he talks about how he adopts a symbolic avatar to advance the male/female polarity:
“I like to role play classical masculine/feminine archetypes with girls. With Miss Thick I was The Wolf. With Miss Bangs I have been The Beast. With this girl, I have been “Kaibutsu” – which is one word for Monster in Japanese. These roles are set up to align with ideas of strength, power, aggressiveness, and sexuality.”— Nash, Days of Game
Nash does this purposefully, and it’s so, so smart. It’s actually in some ways right out of a romance novel, where there is typically a dark, brooding male character who appears in some ways dangerous–and yet he falls for the charm, beauty, and innocence of the protagonist/girl in the story. He’s correct to note that it sets up the proper male/female dynamic, but it also allows the girl to tell herself a story about their romance.
So let’s think about the elements of a good story:
- There’s a strong hook. We are compelled by the opening and we want to read on or watch more.
- It is plausible. Even if it’s sci-fi or fantasy, the world the author creates make sense, and the characters behave in ways we understand and enjoy.
- There is conflict and mystery. We don’t know how it will end, but we want to find out.
- It is challenging. A powerful story makes us question what we think about the world around us.
- We are involved and invested. We can’t stop reading/watching. Instead of something we want to do, finishing this story feels like something we have to do.
What does this look like in game? To be brief:
- The cold approach, where the player creates a strong sense of attraction, sexual tension, and polarity. This is why being too friendly aka “nice guy” doesn’t work–it’s like reading a book where everything is normal and nothing noteworthy happens in the first 50 pages. Even if it’s well written, the reader thinks, “who cares?” and puts it down.
- The pick-up makes sense–there’s a plausible reason you’re talking to her. Even if that’s because she “looks very nice,” the stacking and vibing makes her think: yeah, this guy’s cool and I like talking to him.
- The player has gravitas, and yet, there’s something mysterious and/or dangerous about him. She’s curious? What would it be like to kiss this man; for him to put his hands on me; to feel him inside?
- Qualification–unlike every other guy she meets, the player shows he can take it or leave it, and moreover, that he has expectations she needs to meet. If he does it well enough, she may even find herself chasing, not something she normally does. Note: the idea of getting girls to chase is over used in the community–some women simply won’t, but that’s fine as long as she qualifies and submit to the player.
- In the texting, on the date, and during the seduction, she finds herself swept along without realizing what’s happening in a conventional way. She finds herself desperate to have a sexual experience with him, even if she knows he’s a player/bad boy.
OK, OK, RPD, so how do we create a story about ourselves in game–whether the pick-up, the texting, the date, or the seduction?
Assigning roles during the pick-up.
So, as I mentioned, part of the cool thing about cold approach–and particularly day game–is that the very nature of it creates a narrative.
Let’s take a classic day game set. The open: “Excuse me, I’m sorry but I just have to say you look lovely. I saw you walking dreamily down the street and I thought I’d come say hello.”
Whatever her response–assuming it’s positive–we go into the stack: “in that blue dress you look a bit like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz. I can see it now: we’ll get you a little dog and a wicker basket. Then we can dress up some homeless men as the Scarecrow and the Tin Man–I’ll be the Lion–and we’ll travel around the city helping small people as we search for jewelry.”
For experienced day gamers, this is nothing new. We make an assumption about the girl and then start telling a story. The key here is to assign roles. In this case, she is Dorothy, I’m the Lion. I chose the Lion, but one could choose either of the other characters. Note here that unlike Nash’s “monster”, the characters are silly (better for the pick-up; once you’re dating, the roles can become more serious), which allows me to play the chode game: “yes, I’m terribly afraid of almost everything–today’s the first day I’ve been out of my house in three years!”
Obviously this works, because by approaching her in the first place, I’ve proven I’m not a coward. If I chose the Scarecrow, I could joke about being dumb and not having a brain. Or if I chose the Tin Man, I could joke about not having a heart and being very serious all the time.
But anyway, I’m getting in the weeds: the point is to begin the role play as early as possible. She is a character, you are a character, and both of you have pretend motivations, desires, etc.
You can choose something silly like I did, or something more serious (Beauty and the Beast comes to mine–or reverse roles and accuse her of being an evil Siren tempting sailors to their death), but the basic pattern is to open and as you transition into the stack, give her a role, archetype, or avatar–some I’ve used recently:
- witch (she was wearing a cool ring with a stone and had a crystal necklace–gave the same role to a girl I ran into later who had snake pattern nylons–also Halloween time, right?)
- wookie (she had enormous fur boots on–used this to transition into a Star Wars story),
- princess (this is a great one for basic girls who look prissy),
- librarian (studious girls),
- teacher (serious girls),
- Cleopatra (dominatrix, seductress),
- Lara Croft (adventurous), etc.
Other ideas for roles:
- Any of the female characters from a famous TV Show: Rachel, Phoebe, or Monica from Friends, Donna or Jacky from 70’s show.
- If she has dyed hair, she’s the girl from The Fifth Element or Rainbow Bright.
- Look up what an E-girl or VSCO girl is, and if she fits the bill, accuse her of that.
- Any widely recognizable female role: Hermione from Harry Potter; Princess Leia or Rei from Star Wars; Harley Quinn; Jean Grey, Rogue, Black Widow, or Storm from Marvel; Ripley from Alien, etc.
- Any widely recognizable female actress, artist, or athlete: Lady Gaga, Nicky Minaj, Rhianna, Taylor Swift, Scarlett Johanson, one of the chicks on the US soccer team.
Of course, there’s always the chance she doesn’t get it, but then you make fun of her for that and ask her: “OMG, so you haven’t seen Star Wars, have you been living under a rock? OK–what’s your favorite movie then?” Boom–she gives you another chance to tell a story and stack on whatever her favorite movie happens to be.
OK, so once she has a role to play, we tell a story about that role, and then hopefully she hooks–at that point you have to take what she gives you and run with it. Most girls will go along with the role play. Here is where you give yourself a role. This is what I did with the Wookie girl: “Well, your feet look like Chewbacca, but the rest of you is more Princess Leia–my favorite character is Han Solo.”
Her: “Oh yeah? I can see that.”
Me: “Yeah, I mean I’m good when it comes down to it, but I’m also a bit of a scoundrel. I bet you like the bad boys, huh?”
From here we can transition into a different story about the sorts of men she likes, her history, my history, and that’s where we get into vibing and grounding. Of course, at any time we can recall these roles when it suits our purpose, and if you get the number, you have your ping already: “what’s going X–still wearing those crazy boots?”
Creating conflict–why does she care?
No story survives without conflict–it is at the heart and soul of good fiction. Because without tension, without drama, without the very distinct possibility things could go very, very wrong for our protagonist, at some point as a reader or viewer we cease to care.
That said, with the girl, we’re obviously not talking about threatening her or making her feel that she’s in danger–instead, conflict during the pickup comes with strong sexual tension, polarity, teasing, and the push-pull that comes from giving and withdrawing your attention.
First, she needs to understand the interaction is man to woman. You find her attractive–you want to fuck her (don’t say that; think it). She needs to know this; even better if you can make her feel it. The key is to be calibrated. In any interaction you need at least one SOI (statement of intent), but depending on the pickup you may want more. This is simply stating that you find the girl attractive: you have beautiful eyes. You look lovely today.
This alone creates tension/conflict because it’s rare for guys to be direct about their intentions, and there’s a huge difference between a friendly chat and a conversation ripe with sexual energy. On that point, I like that term “energy”, which I got from Nash and Stedman. In game we are giving the girl our energy, and this too creates tension/conflict.
Along with this, however, we need to tease and challenge. “You look dangerous–I should probably just walk away; why did you do x, y, z; those sunglasses are absolutely hideous.” As Tom Torero says, flirtation is friction, and as I’ll say, friction is conflict. She’s going to have to work to get you and you’re no pushover.
I want to stop here to point out that this is a light story–it’s fun. Almost like The Big Lebowski or a good Wes Anderson movie: she’s in on the joke and along for the ride. The conflict we want to create elicits excitement, not fear.
Once she’s hooked (she’s asking questions, engaging in the conversation, maybe it’s even the text phase or on the date), the conflict lies in whether she’ll retain our attention or lose it, along with the physical escalation that leads to sex.
Let’s start with attention: smarter men than me have noted that all you have in the modern world is your attention, so we have to be careful about how we spend it and who we spend it on.
Torero uses the analogy of fishing (BTW, I’d link to the guy, but he’s fucking disappeared): you want to hook her and keep enough tension on the line that she doesn’t lose interest, but at the same time, give her line to run when she needs it. In my experience, almost every girl needs to make a run aka needs some space. This may be as short as 6 hours of not texting, but usually between 24-48 hours of no contact after the initial contact. Same is true after the first date.
In any case, your attention should mirror hers. If she’s texting a ton, go ahead and text with her. If she’s not, keep those fingers off the phone. And there’s always the power of calling or VMs, but sparingly. A good rule of thumb is Heartiste’s 2/3, which is the idea that whatever she gives you, you give her back 2/3’s.
However it plays out, the girl has to fear that she might lose you or that you might lose interest in her–this is the push in the conflict of the story, whereas the sexual tension is the pull.
Some red pill guys talk a lot about dread game or making the girl feel anxious, but this should be done with care and a clear purpose. Good dread game should provoke a mild jealousy and/or be a way to DHV (demonstrate higher value) and if she feels anxious, it should be an excited, good anxious. Keep in mind, too much dread or anxiety and she’s going to bolt.
To come back to the story idea, what she should feel is that if she doesn’t come out on a date, she’s missing out. Think about it: why do we finish a book or a movie or go to see a play? Because it’s: A) entertaining, and B) we want to find out what’s going to happen–and if we don’t we’re know we’re going to miss out.
This is why it’s so important to tell the girl a story she can believe in.
A lot of guys in game have talked about this, but I think it’s Magnum that I read most recently talking about future projection.
This is simply where we project what we might do in the future with the girl, and in a way, is its own sort of story. For example, if she skis, “I can see us racing down the slopes on Whistler–you’d be wearing a cute pink little jacket and I’d be in red–cruising through the deep powder. Then after, we’d grab a drink at the bar, then go back to the hotel to soak in the hot tub…”
Future projection is something you can do on the pick-up, but it’s better on the date or once you have a relationship with a chick. Future projection works for the same reason role playing and storying telling works: you’re building a narrative with the girl. You’re not just some ordinary bro who melts in with the rest of the guys she matches with on Tinder. You’re different. And with future projection, if she doesn’t come out or keep seeing you, she could literally be missing out. If she flakes or disappears or whatever, buh-bye Whistler vacation with a charming man.
So looking back on what I’ve written, it’s not anything terribly new or inventive. Really I’m just taking good game and reframing it as storytelling. But the reason I did so is this: thinking of game as a story makes sense, whereas the LDM seems formulaic and stale. As a guide, the idea of telling the girl a story make sense to me in ways that a lot of game advice doesn’t, and I can tell you, anecdotally, that it works in field.
Todd V is right: one of the reasons–indeed, for a player–the primary reason you get laid is that you’ve told the girl a story she can believe in; there is a narrative between the two of you. It seeds the bounce, disarms LMR, and keeps her coming back for more.
This is where, as a storyteller, I’ve had an advantage, and it’s also why, motherfuckers, you should read extensively and be culturally aware. The better you can freestyle, the more crazy you can be in your banter, the more elaborate and natural the storytelling, the more chicks will respond to your game.
And as always, there’s never been a better time to be a player.