A mid-monk mode field report and a theory on IG.

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So this past weekend I went out downtown with some friends to this Christmas bizarre/festival type thing and though I hadn’t intended on running game, as soon as I saw how many pretty girls were walking around–some giving me IOIs–I couldn’t help myself.

Feel like that’s an important step as any player who primarily relies on cold approach: you get to a point where you just approach women without too much hesitation or thinking about it. Rather than that nervous AA and the questions that come with it, you get excited by the opportunity to talk to girls, and there are even times when you open instinctively. It’s a fun place to be, I can say that much.

Anyway, I started my session live tweeting, but after 3 approaches I realized I was losing sets because I was on my phone, so I cut it short, and then shortly after that my friends needed to leave.

Overall my stats:

  • Opens: 6
  • Direct: 3
  • Indirect: 3
  • Stack: 5
  • Vibe: 4
  • BF: 1
  • Numbers: 2
  • IG: 2

To be honest, I don’t have a ton of observations on the session, other than to say it was a festival type atmosphere, and girls are far easier to approach in these sorts of situations–you can see that in the close rate: 2/3’s. I wrote a post on why guys should seek “warm” situations for cold approach as much as possible, which you can read if you’re curious.

IG Theory–open loops and building value.

In the two tweets I did where I took an instagram, I wrote that IG = garbage, and I don’t think that’s far wrong… at least in the short run.

But before I get to the theory, here’s why it’s worth it, even if she never responds to a DM or comes out.

You closed.

You opened a girl, ran some game, good enough to convince her to give you a way to contact her.

That’s a win no matter what; it reaffirms the purpose of what you are doing–you’re talking to pretty girls trying to get their contact details so you can ask them on a date. I see a lot of guys say they let girls go on Twitter–and I’ve even done that some myself–but I don’t think that’s a good mindset. To me, it seems you should always push for the close in whatever fashion you can get it–even if she wants to take your number (this is how I fucked Socks, arguably my hottest lay since becoming a player–although a super low probability she ever does anything with it), because any chance is just that. A chance. And with enough opportunities, good things will happen.

To this point, every IG you collect is an open loop. You approached her, you had intent, you showed her you’re a man, not a mouse (as our old friend Tom Torero would say).

So while she may not be willing to go out with you right away and/or give the number, over time she may warm to you, assuming you play your cards right.

There are a couple ways I see this playing out:

  1. She follows you back and is then exposed to who you are whenever you post a photo or story.
  2. She doesn’t follow you back, but in following her, you can at some point comment on something she does.

Obviously, scenario one is better, which is why I always try to get the girl to follow me if I can do so without sounding try-hard. On this point, my thinking hasn’t changed much: HQ guys, unless they are truly rich and famous celebrities, aren’t posting a bunch of stories or pics to Instagram. As Nash says, Instagram is for girls.

And it is.

But in this day and age it’s almost weird not to have the gram on your phone (you should also get Snap)–and if you’re using it correctly (follow the link above), it’s one way to DHV.

Here’s the long term thinking: the number one most important thing that determines whether or not a chick will fuck you is actually not game, status, money (unless you’re paying her directly for sex, which doesn’t really apply here), or anything else under your control–it’s whether she’s in the mood to fuck or not (IMO, game is putting her in the mood when she’s ambivalent).

As we know, it’s often the case she’s not in the mood. But by having that connection via Insta, you enable the possibility that when she is, she picks you.

To demonstrate, let’s take a pretty typical IG close scenario: you open, run good game, get her engaged, but for whatever reason, she doesn’t want to exchange numbers and offers her IG account instead.

So you follow her and like you should, DM her sometime in the next 24 hours. She reads it but doesn’t reply. Next?

That’s right: you STFU and don’t DM her again anytime soon.

But then, 3 months later, she posts a story and you comment with something snarky and playful. This time, she’s kinda in the mood–maybe she broke up with her BF, is frustrated by Tinder, whatever–and she wonders, “who is this guy?”

So she looks at your account, which is public, and sees you having fun with friends, eating good food, sometimes taking pics with hot chicks, pursuing your mission, etc.

The more she sees, the more she’s intrigued, and then on a whim decides to DM a reply to your comment. And all the sudden: boom, you’re in and you’ve got a shot to get her out.

Now imagine that in your 500 approaches/year, you take 50 IGs. That’s 50x that scenario can play out, and if you multiply that by the number of tertiary follows you might get, plus doing that over multiple years, you’ve now got a tremendous source of passive pussy. The other thing that works in your favor is that while your SMV is either rising or stable, if she’s over 25, hers is either stable or falling, which further increases the odds she decides to take a chance on you.

Is that your focus? No of course not–you focus on the girls who give their numbers and come out. But taking her IG if she’ll give nothing else keeps you in that closer’s mentality, and as a bonus, you’re building a bunch of open loops you might be able to close later. Besides, what’s the harm? She doesn’t reply? She flakes? Fuck me, who cares? If you’re in game and you have a fragile ego, you should do something else with your time because you’ll be endlessly pissed off.

The other advantage here is that a lot of girls–especially the younger ones–are super flighty and socially awkward and anxious. So while she might not want to go on a date with you based on one approach, she might, after seeing a bit more about you on IG, think hey, this guys seems cool and normal, I’ll go out with him after all.

Now, admittedly, this is theory–I only have one IG lay to be 100% fair, but I’ve also only really been in the game since Summer 2018. It could be that the conversion rate is so low it isn’t worth it, but again, it can’t really hurt you either, right?

If you have thoughts or experience with the strategy, please comment!


  1. Agreed on Snapchat, I also find it useful for relationship maintenance. Girls will snap you pics they would never text you knowing they will disappear. This puts her in the role of the person investing and seeking approval, first by sending me a pic, second by waiting for my response to it. That’s a powerful dynamic that benefits me, opposite I think to 99% of IG interactions. Like you say though, these are all personal choices, as RQ would say we all find ways to rationalize our behavior to ourselves and I absolutely do this, drawing hard lines where the reality is much more grey.


  2. Hey RP .. Long time reader, First time commenter on your blog, I think you make the most convincing case possible for the IG close.. I think the final question, ‘can it hurt?’ though is the crux of the matter.

    I firmly believe the ‘cold approach’ you do in the real world is almost a super power in an increasingly online dominated society. Taking the IG puts you back in the online social media world which I think of as kryptonite to a real player. You are taking everything that sets you apart, squashing it and jumping back in the boat to join all the other thirsty dudes online. If you feel you can do that with absolutely no impact on your frame then go ahead, but I choose to think (and perhaps this is a total personal belief system and perhaps pointless pride or ego?) that I operate in a different reality to the vast majority of men dm’ ing chicks on IG. Like its a personal point of pride (that word again) that I have never DM’d a girl.

    Now has this cost me lays? Quite possibly so from a purely rational cost benefit analysis I’m wrong. BUT and here is key to me, to live the life we have chosen I think you have to have a certain code. Otherwise you’re just mindlessly approaching chicks in search of an ever higher notch count. In the pursuit of women there must be some things I will never do to get them. A major one is I will not sacrifice my frame at any cost, and I don’t believe that’s possible dm’ing chicks on IG. The second I do that I believe I am in her frame, just another dude giving her attention. Sure she may pick me out of the crowd when she’s horny but even if she does, have I really won? If getting laid was only the goal then yes, but I choose to see what we do as a higher calling than purely racking up stats. Judging from your content, so do you!

    Part of my journey as a player has been progressing from the mindset of what I’m prepared to do to get laid (learn game, cold approach, accept rejection etc etc) to the mindset of what I won’t do to get laid (bargain, cajole, manipulate, supplicate, submit to a chicks frame).

    I’m interested to hear what you think


    1. Hi Mark–I think your criticism is valid in that ultimately, we’re in the game to get what we want. That’s why some guys are willing to approach hundreds of girls for that one lay. I think if you see IG as lowering yourself, then absolutely don’t do it.

      I should make the point that I’m pushing for the number–ALWAYS. If she offers IG, I’m like, I’d rather just text you–I want to go on a date with you–or something to that effect. However, if that’s all she’s willing to offer, then I take it, because for me, it’s a close. Maybe a shitty one. Maybe one with a very low expected value. But a close nonetheless.

      It’s also often the case I meet girls from out of town who are either leaving that day or very soon. In that case, it’s silly to get a number as we’re obviously not going to have time to go out–but we can hook up through IG, and then who knows if she comes back to town sometime or I go to her hometown? The point is open loops.

      For me, TBH, it’s a little of both. I have my principles, but at the same time, for sure I want to rack up numbers–not to rack up numbers or brag about it, but because I love being with beautiful girls. For me, the IG tactic is about abundance. I want to create as many funnels for hot chicks to end up in my bed as possible. And that’s good for my game in set, in field, on dates, etc.

      However, like I said, we’re in game for our own personal reasons and every guy has to decide what he wants out of it. One thing I will say is that going forward, girls in their 20’s are often interacting on IG or Snapchat as opposed to giving their number–so if you’re not down to do IG, at the very least get Snap. It’s goofy, and a direct way to communicate with younger women via texts and picture pings. But different from IG in that it’s not about racking up a bunch of followers or mainly for posting photos–it’s for texting primarily.


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