On the way to work several days ago I was trying to figure out why my last few cold approaches have stuck–that is, of the last five numbers I’ve taken, all five are responding positively (one date so far, but nothing more–and I’ve been in monk mode for the most part, so not doing a lot of approaching or dating–got two during the day game sesh, other three are one-offs).
Now obviously this is way too small a sample set to say anything definitively and really, it could be anything. Most likely it’s luck–just happened to be that these particular girls were down where the ones before haven’t been.
And then I realized it doesn’t matter.
Because anyone who’s done this for on a long enough timeline knows that some percentage of chicks will flake after giving their number and some percentage won’t, but the better game you run the better chance she responds, you get her out, so on and so forth.
But what I realized is that my attitude, aura, and vibe toward and during cold approach have changed.
What do I mean: I now approach with confidence and outcome independence–not just the theory or logic, but the experience, of knowing that what I do works, and that even though it might not work with a particular girl, given enough time and approaches, it will work on many girls, far younger and more beautiful than I could ever have thought possible prior to this journey.
Part of what brought me to this realization was listening to Mr. V’s sets from his last session.
TL;DR–he didn’t take a lot of numbers. Doesn’t matter. Because I could tell from his voice he had that inner joy–his bell was ringing, to steal a phrase from Sometimes a Great Notion–and even though I couldn’t observe his body language, I was knew it was coming through.
And it led me to the realization that what I’m conveying through cold approach is so much more than words–that what I say through my attitude, persona, and body language matters far more: this guy fucks, and girls know, as I wrote a few months ago. In other words, if you’re doing it right, good pick-up conveys pre-selection without a girl on your arm.
Again, how I view and interact with women have fundamentally changed–this after a little less than two years since swallowing the pill, and about a year and a half of dedicated cold approaching. Going forward, I will continue to move in that positive, abundant, dominant direction: 2020 will be a fantastic year, but what’s crazy is that I can’t imagine where I’ll be by 2025. Older yes, but far more potent if I stay on this path.
And that is the coolest part: for any guy who’s decided to take the red pill and start meeting women through cold approach, you’ll probably begin by being super shitty and making a bunch of mistakes like I did (and still do). But if you keep at it, learn from your mistakes, value process over results, and continue to work on your fitness and mission, progress is unavoidable. You will get better, and in my experience, the growth isn’t linear–it’s exponential.
It doesn’t make you invincible, but it does endow you with tremendous power. Because the fact is, most guys can’t do what you either know already or will learn to do–even Chads who’ve been lucky enough to be born with great looks often don’t understand what they’re doing or how they do it; and like any gift we didn’t earn, the benefits are relatively brief, because we don’t truly know what it is we possess.
How most people live: it just happened.
To get literary for a moment, it’s like Bilbo in the Hobbit. He doesn’t know he has the Ring of Power–he just thinks he’s got a ring that makes him invisible… and it does! But he’s nowhere close to realizing its full power or potential.
Because it just happened.
The best example of this is women: they’re born with whatever beauty they have, and for many, in their youth this represents tremendous power. However, as we know, it’s short lived–probably 10-15 years where she’s truly beautiful before it falls off along with HQ male attention. The weird thing is that from what I’ve seen, women either don’t understand why this has happened, or if they do, won’t adjust their expectations to this new reality.
Indeed, what actions are women willing to consider to change the trajectory or outcomes of their love lives? For most women, the answer is: zero. None. It’s all projection, blame, and utter absolution of responsibility–men bad because X, Y, Z.
Because for women, attraction, sex, love, etc. have always been explained by the following:
“It just happened.”
The truth is that the vast majority of women’s romantic lives are passive. The only real agency they ever had was choosing who to date and who not to–that’s as far as the decision making goes for 99% of girls out there.
“It just happened.”
And while that may be true for her, every man knows it’s almost never true for us.
Sex does not just happen.
Even Chad has to ask her out, escalate, kiss her, invite her back to his, etc., etc. However, even then, there’s no real rhyme or reason to how most guys make it happen. They just try stuff. If it works, they try it again. If it doesn’t, they try not to do it again. But most guys never really know why certain things work and other things don’t, and they’re always under the false delusion that it gets easier, women can love unconditionally, and it’s more about finding that special one than making her feel special.
Think about this: most guys–even very good looking, successful guys–live in such a state of blue pill scarcity they’d be stoked to have a semi-attractive girlfriend they could fuck once a week, deferring to her every whim and showering her with affection as a method of retention.
The red pill and cold approach help us to understand both how to make sex happen, why it works, and how to manage our relationships with chicks so we don’t end up suckers like the guys above. Where other guys are throwing darts, we’re compiling empirical data, applying field-tested methodology, and forming new theories on how to more effectively game and retain women–and that is tremendously powerful.
Another way to look at Male SMV vs. Female SMV–longevity and purposefulness.
What’s more is that the length and durability of male SMV vs. female SMV means we have time to fail and fail and fail–we can literally fail thousands of times and it doesn’t matter. It only sharpens the tip of the spear.
To use a football analogy (American–like Tom Brady and shit), think of it this way: a woman starts her game at say, 16-17. The first quarter is full of infinite possibilities, but the shape of the game has yet to fully develop.
By 20-21, she’s in the second quarter and starts to realize what sort of team she has. She can then decide to play a defensive game (low n-count, moving toward LTR or marriage) or an offensive game (travel and thottery), but by the time she’s 26-27, we’re well into the third quarter; by 30 we’re in the fourth quarter, and by 35, maybe 40 if she stays in tremendous shape or has some work done, the game’s over.
So realistically girls need to think about making their move in the 2nd or 3rd quarter if they want to win decisively, aka land a truly HQ man. Any longer and the game is going to come right down to the end, with a lot of women losing, relegated to drowning in rose and kitty litter as the cliches go.
Now think about men.
At 16-17, we’re still doing warm-ups–the game has only started in earnest for some, and most guys who get laid early don’t fully understand why. For them it’s like chicks: somehow, probably because he’s real good looking and/or has status in school, it just happens.
Maybe by 18-20 the first quarter has started, but that first quarter lasts to 28-30–it’s not until then that you know what sort of team you have, but the key difference is that the team a man has is largely determined by his choices and actions, whereas women are kinda stuck with the team they get–there’s not a lot they can do to coach up their players (two options really: get fit and/or get some work done).
The second quarter for most guys probably goes to the mid to late 30’s as we come into peak SMV, the third quarter into the mid 40’s–a bit tougher to score with girls in the early 20’s but still very possible–and then the fourth quarter, depending on the guy, ends between 55 and 60.
Now, this is all assuming the guy takes care of himself and cultivates an abundant lifestyle. Most guys don’t–indeed, the truth is that for a lot of guys, the game ends in their 30’s or early 40’s like it does for women, when they either settle down or get too fat and out of shape to really even be considered men anymore. How many guys take a knee in the first or second quarter? A hell of a lot of them.
The difference: having a clear purpose and pursuing that purpose relentlessly.
But think about that: a man’s sexual life can span 40+ years. For women, at best it’s maybe 20, but for most we’re talking a lot less–like 10–18/19 to their late 20’s.
What an exceptional thing that is for us–not only to be men, but to understand TRP and know cold approach? It means our potential as players, while not limitless, can span an unbelievably long time line.
The key is to keep working, keep growing, keep getting better, etc. Because the sad truth is that most people don’t know what their purpose is, but what they inevitably point themselves toward alternates between comfort or excitement, whichever seems most readily attainable or emotionally satisfying (yes, entertainment is a factor, but that can be comforting, exciting, or both). Add to that the social pressure to fit in and you can explain the actions of 90-95% of all people 90-95% of the time.
So the question is: do you know who you are, what you’re doing, and why you’re doing it? If not, figure that shit out. I’m happy to work with guys who want advice, coaching, that kind of stuff–and there are lot of other guys besides me you can go to as well for that.
But if so–if you’re on the player’s journey–trust the process. We have a long time; a lot longer than most guys realize. I just read a thing on Black Dragon’s blog about a guy who’s 53 and has a bi-sexual 25 year-old LTR who brings him new girls and fucks him regularly.
That’s what’s possible brothers.
So don’t sell yourself short–you can do this. It works. I promise.
There’s never been a better time to be a player.