Last weekend I was with my son, and as I often do we went to see my parents, his grandparents.
Late Saturday night, something happened you couldn’t script, but was an epiphany for me that spoke to something RedQuest and I have banged on quite a bit about for awhile.
So it’s nothing crazy, but my mom had to go to some function that day and was set to come home around 6 or so for dinner. Anyway, I was playing with my kid, my dad was fixing dinner–the boys were just chillin–but then the dog starts whining cause he’s figured out my mom just pulled up in her car, and then it happened.
My dad stops what he’s doing, pulls out a bottle of good Chardonnay, opens it and pours a glass. My son gets excited and starts shouting, “nana, nana, nana,” and I’m like: well let’s go see her and ask about her day bud.
So as she’s walking down the driveway, the three most important men in her life: her husband, her son, and her grandson are all walking out to greet her, talk to her, and are genuinely happy to see her. From then until the time we go to bed, she’s the center of attention and love. That’s about the best/most attention a woman in her 60’s is likely to see, no matter how rich or successful or famous she happens to be.
Because, if we’re honest, humans didn’t evolve to care about how successful women are. We just didn’t. No, what we care about is our relationship to her. And not only men–women too.
For men she is our lover, the mother of our children, our mother, or another matriarchal figure who has cared for/reared us.
For women, you can add sister, confidante, BFF I guess.
But seriously, who’s better off–who is more valued by the people around her? The childless, unmarried woman who’s made millions because she’s a successful entrepreneur, or my mom, who was a school teacher for 20 years, but primarily cared for me and my sister, my dad, and now my son?
We all know the answer. It’s not even close. And this is especially true as women age to the point when they’re no longer visible to men in a sexual way, which happens sooner than most women want to believe.
Basically, I’d argue for women, there are three kinds of attention:
- Sexual attention (she’s an attractive woman men want to fuck)
- Caring/mom attention (she cares for people in such a way that they want to give her attention)
- Matron attention (she knows what should be done in certain situations, what is socially acceptable, and/or how things should be organized regarding certain social events or special occasions)
- Sexual attention (girls want to fuck him)
- Provider/dad attention (he provides resources and comfort and strength)
- Expert/alpha attention (he has a particular skill to teach, is seen as a leader, or is exceptional in some sort of way).
The first kind of attention is the same, and one could argue so is the second–just opposite sides of the same coin. The only thing to note there is that the second type of attention men and women get is really only possible in the context of a relationship, whether with our partner or our children.
But where we see a clear difference is the third category. Here, men will get attention regardless of whether or not they’re in a relationship. If you’re an expert/alpha, we crave your knowledge and leadership. We’re drawn to powerful men for a simple reason: they led our tribes and ensured our survival.
On the flipside, however, matron attention is only possible if a woman is married or has been married and therefore retains some position within a family. And it only really relates to things within that social circle. Like sure, you’ll listen to your aunt’s bullshit about what to do at a wedding or funeral, but you’re not going to listen to some random older woman about that stuff, no matter how rich and famous she is–because WE DON’T CARE ABOUT THAT BITCH.
Harsh, but true. And that doesn’t make us bad people or misogynists–it’s just the way things are…
Now that said, I don’t think things are going to change much in the near future as our society’s on a course that’s difficult to redirect. But, for women who want to live a good, happy life, they’re honestly a lot better off to marry an alpha young, have his kids, and be the dutiful wife and loving mother. No, you won’t get any points from the ferocious feminists who tell you not to have kids and shave your fucking head, but your kids will love you, your husband will love you, and that’s far more valuable than selling off your 20’s as a THOT.
In the meantime gentlemen, there’s never been a better time to be a player.