One thing we’re probably all guilty of during this time is spending too much of our attention on the phone. I’ve wasted more hours than I care to admit, but the problem is not the act, because there are lots of reasons being on the phone can be helpful–the problem is the outcome, which means that the time you spend on screen cannot be spent doing other things.
Your attention is limited.
And generally, doing other things is far more productive than scrolling through Twitter.
Anyway, one strategy guys can use to deal with this is batching time on the phone. If you have a game, go ahead and play, but go for like 10-15 minutes and then go back to living your life. I heard about the idea of batching first from Tim Ferriss in the 4-Hour Work Week–great book for anyone who wants to be an entrepreneur–but the practice is quite simple: instead of doing thing piecemeal, like checking Twitter, reading the news, writing some, working, checking Twitter… do it in chunks. Like you only do email once or twice a day: once in the morning, maybe another time in the evening. Great strategy to organize not only the things you need to get done, but also the things you don’t, like using social media, etc.
Most of you probably know this, but sometimes we need a reminder of what we know.
And also, just generally get off the phone. It’s better for you. Go do real things like read a book, do some pushups or situps, eat some meat, go on a long walk, fuck a girl if you’ve got one.
The signal vs. the noise
Again, another idea that is not new–I believe Nate Silver wrote the book.
To be perfectly honest I didn’t read it, but his thesis is that in our media environment, accurately predicting outcomes, trends, and statistics depends most upon being able to sift through the bullshit to find the truth of the matter.
The signal is the truth–or the thing to address.
The noise is everything else.
Which brings me to game.
This is basically what guys mean when they talk about calibration. Are you receiving the girl’s true signals, or listening to her noise? Or are you letting your noise get in the way (ex. AA)?
The BF Shit Test
Classic example that’s come up lately is the “boyfriend” shit test. A lot of guys think it’s noise, which is basically what a shit test is–something you can make fun of or ignore entirely.
In this case however, it’s most likely a signal, and a pretty clear one at that. Because if a girl’s interested, sees you as high value–why the fuck would she throw that out there? The answer is 9/10 times she wouldn’t. A girl who’s interested wants you to pass.
But ultimately the key is in how she says it. If she says it directly, moving away or even with happy feet, she probably does have a boyfriend–OR REALLY REALLY REALLY DOESN’T WANT TO TALK TO YOU.
Sorry to yell, but I think some guys needed to hear that.
If you’re not sure, here’s the best canned line (for me–although, again, it mostly doesn’t work…actually I’m not sure if it ever has, but I have a bad memory for these things): “I don’t think he’d mind if we got coffee,” with a cheeky smile. If she smiles and stops, then you can try to close. If she keeps moving or shakes her head or gives any other SIGNAL she’s not into it, let her go.
“How old are you?”
Another classic is the “how old are you” shit test? This is a test she most likely wants you to pass, although again with the feet, if she’s moving away, it’s usually bad–why you need strong stops.
Anyway, she’s hoping you give her an age that’s acceptable in her head OR that you don’t care about the age difference. This is why I don’t like the, “too old for you darling,” answer, because the disqualification pushes her away and her question was already a push–an objection.
And what she wants is for it not to be.
I actually like the question: “How old do you think?” Because she’ll usually either guess something that is acceptable to her, and you can just say, “you’re close–but don’t you know it’s rude to guess someone’s age?” Or something goofy, and then start talking about how she looks like a ballerina, or whatever you want to stack or vibe on. I should mention that this is stuff that works for me: other guys may have different gimmicks or flirt lines. Use what works–I believe it was Breeze the other day who was saying how game has to be personal, and he’s right.
You can also just say: “87, but I’ve had a lot of work done.” I believe that’s a Torero line–correct me if I’m wrong. Girls always laugh at that, the only problem is some will double down and ask again.
IOIs and Body Language
Anyway, the key with both of these examples is to understand the signal: what is the girl telling you. This is why we talk about IOIs so much. Recognizing when a girl has looked at you twice in a short span, has made direct eye contact, is flicking her hair, opening her body to you in proximity–when you see these things, you must approach. The girl is telling you to do it.
Here’s an example: basic night game. You’re in a crowded bar that’s like a long reverse C, with tables on the sides. Wherever the girl is sitting, if she’s turned toward the bar or the walls or windows–looking perpendicular or away from the crowd–she DOES NOT want to be approached.
That doesn’t mean you can’t or shouldn’t–fucking go for it cowboy–a girl may think she doesn’t want to be approached, but find that with the right guy she does. A lot of the hottest chicks I’ve gotten have started off with her being bitchy and me holding frame. One move I like–very ballsy, but it works if you can pull it off–is to go sit right next to a girl. I got Kitty and Hot Lawyer Girl that way.
Anyway, turned away, she’s giving the NO signal.
On the flip side, if she’s open to the crowd, looking across toward the bar or from the bar toward the door–now you’re in business. That is a girl who wants to be approached or is open to it happening. If she’s wearing white, red, pink, or black, she’s either horny and/or ovulating, but the key will be the eyes: girls who are horny have a gleam in their eye others don’t.
Again, these are signals. Sometimes girls give them on purpose; sometimes they’re not even aware they’re giving them. As RQ wrote, mostly people are driven by biology. This is why chicks often don’t want to take responsibility for stuff they do, especially when it comes to fucking, because they literally don’t know why they did what they did. But they are always giving signals, and to be calibrated, a good player needs to know how to spot them and use them to give positive, sexy energy to the set, date, or relationship.
The noise in many cases is in your head: the one on the wall looking away is hotter or is my type, the girl seated open at the bar is only a 7, she looks bitchy. We all know how ugly AA and weaseling can be.
One of the ways you can kill AA is by opening off IOIs and approach invitations. Don’t ignore them. If a girl is smiling and looking at you, at the very worst it’s going to be a friendly conversation–but she probably thinks you’re attractive. Be confident. Then, say you’re doing a day game session, after opening on some IOIs, you can start opening girls who don’t give them.
Here’s a point where we should talk about looks for just a second: if you’re NOT getting IOIs on a fairly consistent basis, your fitness/style isn’t good enough. You can be a shorter guy, a skinnier type, or even a bit on the bulky side, and you don’t even have to be all that handsome, but you have to have a style that goes with it and be in good enough shape to fit your archetype, and remember: all girls like big muscles.
Sorry, let’s get back to the topic which is keying in on signals from women when we approach and interact with them.
The Kiss Close
OK, here’s a good one: the kiss close.
When do I kiss her?
A basic question, but a good one, because even as experienced as any of the best players are, we all get denied the kiss from time to time.
Now with some girls, they have to deny the kiss before they’ll give you an honest signal or allow it, but most will give you an honest signal: getting in close proximity, opening her neck, moving her face close to you, direct eye contact–if you’re holding hands she applies more pressure, pulls you toward her. Super obvious is if she’s nuzzling your shoulder or something like that.
This is where initiating kino early on in the date is important, because it gives her permission to give you positive, skin to skin contact.
I feel like I’m rambling, but I guess what I think guys can drill down on during this time is thinking about the signals in game, versus the noise. The best way I know to do that is to read novels (aside from straight game books) especially novels about modern life and/or with strong male protagonists. I’ll put together a list here at some point, but the reason is that we need to think about how humans interact. We need to hear their dialogue. See the relationships. Feel the tension. And remember, a big part of game–especially day game–is telling stories: being entertaining. Plus, being able to talk about literature is a huge plus with some girls at least, but more than you think.
Distinguishing the signal vs. the noise applies in life as well. For example, I’ve found that the more I write, the better and more productive I am with everything else in my life, and the more I read, the more I can organize my thoughts and make connections between what I observe and experience.
So those have become signals that I am doing what I need to do, the most important of which is pursuing my mission; the noise is shit like playing games on my phone or texting girls on Tinder.
(Not worth it right now guys. And if it’s not worth it now, I don’t know when it will ever be. We’ll see I’m sure some hotshot on Twitter will say he’s swimming in 9s and we’re all missing out, but until I see the pictures, it’s hard to know. I like the rule that you subtract 2 points and that’s usually about right.)
Hope this has been helpful–and I’d love to have a larger discussion. What are signals or shit tests I’ve missed? What else should we remember about body language? Or even sex signals?
I’ll add more as I think of them.