I haven’t written many field reports this year. Part of that is self explanatory (TY COVID-19), but part of it’s that there hasn’t been anything particularly mindblowing or notable.
I got two +1s off of Tinder using Andy’s gambit from Kill Your Inner Loser–something that’s definitely worth trying if you don’t mind SOD–and then two more off Bumble, although they were a bit older. The first Bumble chick wanted monogamy and went crazy. The second is this Polish girl I’m just not all that interested in, although I should probably make more of an effort. One small thing I’m coming to realize though, is that some chicks, even if they’re attractive and you can have sex with them, aren’t worth the soul suck when hanging out with them is annoying.
Right before COVID hit I also got a +1 from this chick I day gamed–I may have referred to her as Hiking girl on Twitter, but I can’t remember if I tweeted much about her or not. She ended up getting mad at me because I went out of town with some friends on a weekend and then the virus hit and she ghosted. I think she may have moved back with her parents? But again, I have no idea because she stopped replying to my texts.
I’ve been out the past few weeks a couple times doing day game and got a couple numbers. Good coffee date with Janitor girl, but then she flaked on the second date. She may still be in play, but I don’t want to push it or come across too needy.
Got another number this past Thursday from a cute Iranian girl…
And had an iDate with this stripper girl, but it was a weird deal–for some reason I couldn’t get any traction with her. Just no energy. Lesson here is that iDates are generally not good game, unless you think you can get a same day lay–key here tends to be chicks who are in town for only a short period of time.
Stripper hasn’t replied–I have a date planned with the Iranian girl tonight. So we’ll see…I should add that I’m not going to break down numbers like I used to in terms of approaches, blowouts, stacks, etc. If you want to see my openers and description of sets, follow me on Twitter. Mr. V and Breeze also tweet some of their sets, as do some of the European daygamers.
As mentioned, if my tone sounds “meh” it’s mainly because I’ve been dealing with my own issues this year. Addiction is a bitch–don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. And paying for a DUI isn’t cheap, either.
Anyway, let’s get to some actionable lessons from the year to date.
#1 SOD can work…but it’s not great, and it’s never going to be.
As mentioned above I got a few lays off the apps this year, and I mean, that’s great, but my feelings on the matter are mostly unchanged.
It can work, sure, but it’s a lot of just that–work. It takes a ton of time. And anyone who says they’re killing it consistently on Tinder isn’t telling the truth, or is extraordinarily good looking, and likely is in a market where for whatever reason, chicks are more active with the apps. To some degree, my guess is that a lot of it’s luck–your profile lands in front of a horny girl, who for whatever reason wants to fuck.
My exp on Tinder this year is a prime example. I got those two early lays, but then, doing the same thing–and trying lots of other types of profiles and variations–it just stopped working. So eventually I deleted it. Currently I’m app-less.
One point that should be made on SOD: from market to market, the apps are highly variable. Like, I’ve heard some guys say Hinge is pretty good, but my experience with that particular app is that it’s entirely populated by fat girls where I live. This is a big reason online dating takes a lot of time–there are so many fat and/or unattractive girls you have to sift through, it’s crazy, not to mention somewhat depressing. What’s even more bizarre is that’s even true of what little experience I have on Seeking, the sugar daddy dating site.
Also, there are a lot of chicks who will match with you, and then either not reply to the opener or stop replying after a few texts. I honestly don’t have a good explanation for this other than to guess that she’s matched with a guy she thinks is more attractive or she’s busy or has so many matches and so much attention flooding in from IG and snap and Tik-Tok she can’t be bothered…who knows?
I guess it doesn’t matter other than to note it’s a common experience, and it will definitely drive you nuts if you worry about it too much–seems like this happens particularly with Tinder girls, but I know it’s also common for guys to match on Bumble and then the chick never sends the opener since on that app she has to go first (why guys are better off to drive the relationship forward, as opposed to the other way around).
Anyway, all that said it can work, at least sporadically–make sure your pics are good because in truth that’s really all that matter. Pics are doing 95% of the work; your bio is 5% of less. Photofeeler is a great way to hone your pics, or you can have a female friend help you. One bad photo is a death knell, so you’ve got to make sure they’re all on point. I know there are some guys who’ve spent a lot more time on this than me, so I’ll let them dispense the advice on the set up.
But here’s what I’d say: don’t let the apps be your only source of chicks. Learn cold approach, develop a social circle, figure out some other way to meet girls, because if you’re relying purely on the apps, what happens if they stop working? Guys who were early to the game will tell you that Tinder and other apps used to work really well, whereas lately…not so much. Remember, dating apps purposefully screw men, because they know men will pay, whereas women won’t, so they’ll try to get you to pay to see the chicks who swiped right (80% or more will be very unattractive–read: fat), or for all sorts of other bells and whistles, like Super Likes and Boosts and shit.
Here’s the problem, that I see, long term for these companies: guys are basically paying for matches or a greater likelihood of matching–but as mentioned above, a match is worthless unless she comes out, and given the number of girls who don’t reply or go silent, or flake, or whatever, the amount of traction guys get by paying seems pretty tenuous. Very low ROI, from what I’ve seen.
Oh, and if I’m wrong on the apps and just fucking it up, please let me know–if there’s a method guys are using to get great results (and who aren’t themselves ripped 6’+ Chads with a 9 level SMV), let me know so I can use it and point other guys in that direction. But so far, I haven’t come across anyone who’s honest that’s having great success using dating apps.
One last point: even though SOD has worked for me, part of the reason I’m so down on it is the fact that it has a profoundly negative effect on the Sexual Marketplace (SMP). I don’t think there can be any doubt about that anymore. It’s made women far pickier and flakier than what’s reasonable (had a long conversation with Breeze on this recently), and even though that ends up being bad for chicks too, it’s almost impossible to understate the fact that this is shutting a lot of men out of the dating pool.
Nash is of the opinion that guys who can’t figure it out don’t deserve to get laid–and to an extent I agree, but on the other hand, while it might be good for players if more guys opt or are weeded out of the SMP, I don’t think it’s good for our society going forward. I know a lot of guys like to poo-poo hypergamy, but it strikes me that it’s far more advanced than most people realize or are willing to admit, and it’s killing monogamy and marriage. And having a bunch of purposeless, sexless young men hanging around with very little to live for objectively speaking, isn’t a good thing. I’m not going to predict what will happen here, but we’re definitely going to find out soon enough.
Anyway, SOD is what it is, but it’s not great–and the constant rejection and flaking and ghosting that happens, not matching much, etc. can have a bad effect on a guy’s psyche. So if SOD can work for you and it doesn’t get you into a negative head space, there’s nothing wrong with going that route. Like I said earlier, just make sure you have other ways to meet women as well.
#2 Getting laid consistently, by attractive chicks is hard. So is life.
Delacroix wrote a great blog recently, along the lines of my recent on fakers and frauds, about how most–or at least many–guys in the manosphere paint an overly rosy picture of what it means to be a “man” today and have success with women.
But the truth is that getting laid and being super successful is hard. Not everyone is going to be a millionaire drop shipper with a harem of 19 yo hotties on a yacht. Indeed, the number of guys who are going to be able to do this are truly rare–just as chicks are who can get rich selling their pussy on OnlyFans.
However, if one were to take manosphere Twitter at face value you’d think both of the above are common and that all you have to do to get there is “LIFT” and “stop being a pussy.” Wrong. Lifting is good, and so is not being a pussy, but there are so many factors that are out of our control. I mean, COVID for example–lots of businesses are now defunct, not because they were poorly run or weren’t legit, but because they had to shut down and relied on people socializing to make money.
There’s a local club promoter I follow on IG–very successful guy–who used to post pics of hot chicks and glorious vacations all the time. Now…he’s gone. I don’t mean he deleted his account, but his income and lifestyle were casualties of the pandemic. No posts for months. Sucks. But it just goes to show how unpredictable life can be.
Anyway, I say this not to complain or be negative, but to tell all the guys out there who are struggling, who have trouble with chicks or finances or jobs, that it doesn’t mean you’re a loser or that you won’t get your shot. But you’ve gotta keep working, and it’s never going to be easy.
The basics tenets of the Red Pill will point you in the right direction:
- Learn Game and Cold Approach
- Have a Unwavering Mission
- Value Process over Results
But just know that even if you do all these things, it can take years to get where you want to be, and when you get there, you still have to fight and strive and learn and grow. As RedQuest has written, you only see the tip of the spear, with guys who are successful with chicks and in life, but you don’t see all the work and energy and time they put in to get there.
If guys have individual questions or want help, you can hit me up in my DMs on Twitter or shoot me an email and I’ll be happy to get back to you and help in anyway I can–but if you’re truly lost you’d be better off hiring a guy like Pat Stedman who’s a professional and has the resources and experience to really turn things around. I know Magnum and some of the other guys I’m in touch with are big fans of Black Dragon and his methods and books, so that’s another resource you might consider.
#3 If your fitness or mission slips, so does your confidence, and it will cripple your results, with women and in life.
As might be expected, when you have a drinking problem, your health suffers–and this has been an issue for me this year. COVID was particularly brutal, as I was stuck inside, no game, no gym–but the stores were open, so mostly I sat around my apartment and drank.
Shitty, but that’s the truth, and as such my fitness has suffered. Even worse, I failed to make progress on my mission. I’ve been trying to write a Red Pill novel–you may have even seen me tweet about that–but though I’ve written a fair amount, none of it was up to the quality I want. I wasn’t telling the story the way it should be told.
The good news is that since the DUI, I’ve been sober, getting back in the gym (thank God it’s open), and I finally feel like I have the frame to write the book I want to write.
My mood and spirit has greatly improved as well, and when I think back to some of the dates to nowhere and my ennui when it comes to women, I think a big part of it was that I didn’t have the confidence I would have had if I was fit and pursuing my mission.
So the takeaway here is that you ALWAYS have to put those things first. Without your health and your mission, you are a reduced version of yourself, and women have a sixth sense for this.
#4 Enjoy the small things and don’t stress about stuff you can’t control.
Last week I took my son to the beach, and it was glorious–a beautiful day and all we did was play in the sand and the ocean and build sand castles and goof around. An amazing experience. And sure, lots of things in the background aren’t great, both in terms of our situation here in the US re: COVID, and for me personally with lawyer’s fees and the aftermath of my DUI.
But we have to stay positive, and enjoy the small things that happen everyday that make life what it is. Staying in the present moment isn’t easy, but it’s the key to enjoying life. After all, the only thing we truly have are our experiences and memories, and too many people spend a lot of their lives focusing on what’s next and literally wasting their time on worthless activities like social media, prioritizing their appearance instead of their experience.
Like, if you’re not using it to make money or help people, does it really matter how many followers you have on IG or the number of likes you get on your last post, the number of retweets? Not really. And yet, because it’s gamified, any guy who’s been on Tinder can see that at least half of the chicks on there are using it mainly to get more followers on IG or SnapChat because they’re addicted to false validation and attention.
Is that really the legacy you want to leave when it’s all said and done? “Here lies Stacy, who had 10K followers on IG and was hot from 18-24 until her metabolism caught up with her and she got fat,” or “Here lies Greg, who beat 57 video games and was a master at Diablo; he lived in his mother’s basement until she finally forced him to move out at 34.” Sad, but I fear this is how the obituary of many people in this day and age will read if we’re honest.
So…don’t be that guy. Spend time in nature. Take your dad fishing. Do nice things for your mom. Take your brothers or sisters to dinner occasionally. Hang out with your friends. Play with your kids–and if you don’t have kids, be the cool uncle who’s involved in their lives. Children can be annoying and difficult and tiring–but mostly they are beautiful and fun. A fact that seems many people have forgotten.
And for all these millennials and particularly women who’ve opted for dog ownership over having children–who shudder at the very notion of being pregnant–will you still be eating avocado toast and getting drunk on craft beer or cocktails every weekend when you’re 50, still getting wasted at Burning Man and fucking strangers? Cause imma be honest: at some point that shit ceases being cool and becomes pathetic.
Jesus Christ I sound like an old man…alas.
#5 Meditate and spend less time on your phone.
Again, as seems to be the theme here, I have NOT done a good job of this so far in 2020, but the past few weeks I’ve made a point of meditating, as well as trying to spend less time on my phone–I swear man, these damn things really are addictive.
I know meditation is the new trend for Silicon Valley bros, but it really does work, and if you haven’t tried, it’s definitely worth giving it a shot.
It quiets your mind and allows you to focus on what is truly important. I’m currently using the Sam Harris app Waking Up, but there are a number of them out there. And I should add, you DON’T need an app to meditate. All it is, truly, is sitting quietly and allowing your mind to focus on particular things–typically your breath or the sensation of touch or your heart beat.
As for the phone, one thing I’ve done is turned off all my notifications. Understand, notifications are simply a way for the developers to gamify the apps and get you to use them more–so that ultimately, people become more addicted to their phones and the apps they use.
But do you really need notifications? Unless you’re waiting for the most important text or phone call of your life or something truly urgent, the answer is no. I can check IG or Twitter anytime I want–I don’t need the app or phone to tell me to check them–and I’ve just straight deleted Facebook from my phone, because it’s such a dumb waste of time.
Now to be clear, I’m still on my phone too much, but it’s getting better and that allows me to focus on other more important things: spending time and playing with my son when I have him, writing blogs and fiction, going to the gym, etc.
#6 Cultivate an Idea Lab in life and social media instead of an Echo Chamber.
The term Echo Chamber has been around a long time, but I first heard the term Idea Lab on the blog WaitButWhy–I’ve linked to the series he has here on polarization. Long, but very much worth the read.
Anyway, for our purposes an Echo Chamber is when you only hear from those who agree with you, say things you like, and anything outside the orthodoxy of that group is verboten. This prevents an open discussion and learning–not good for guys who want to challenge and better themselves.
A good example of an Echo Lab is the fascist patrolling of speech by some in the BLM and SJW movement, particularly after the killing of George Floyd and ensuing protests. What’s most concerning is that they’re attempting to turn our entire society into an echo chamber, where only the “wokest” can survive, anyone who steps out of line is canceled, and identity is more important than reason or character.
An Idea Lab, on the other hand, is a place where there’s a free and open discussion, people disagree, and instead of reflexively arguing with people who don’t share your views, you dispassionately consider their validity…and, if they’re right, you change your mind, instead of yelling back at them that they’re wrong because you’re more concerned with winning the argument than being smart.
I went through a phase earlier this year where I muted or blocked a bunch of people who tweeted stuff I didn’t care for–but I’ve since decided to reverse course. I may not agree with Riv on the relative value of sluts (I happen to be pro-slut; he’s definitely in the other camp), but he also has some great stuff, and if we happen to disagree, well, that’s OK.
I don’t want to get too political here, but this seems to me a message we need to spread in the US particularly. Like, not everyone has to agree on everything all the time. It’s OK to have an honest disagreement with someone and still listen to them or be their friend. I’m not a big Trump guy–I never understood the appeal–but what I’ve come to understand is that the guys who like Trump don’t understand why someone wouldn’t. Probably one of the reasons we’re so polarized here in the US–because whatever side your on, the climate of partisan politics has made us literally incapable of listening to or understanding each other.
But whether you like Trump or don’t, doesn’t define you as a person–or at least, it shouldn’t. Political preference is just one small aspect of life, and while most people view the other side as the enemy, the truth is that most of them are just ordinary people, and it seems to me that most people are trying to do the best they can given the information and life experiences they’ve had.
Understand, that’s not always good–young chick’s obsession with IG and Tik-Tok seems pretty bad, as does the addictive nature of video games for young men, and to be sure there are a lot of other toxic aspects of the modern world out there, like feminism–but there’s a massive difference between someone doing something that’s not good for them or society and someone doing something purposely evil or nefarious.
And I’ll say it again, because it’s important: it’s OK to disagree with other people.
#7 In terms of women, you absolutely need to maximize your SMV.
As I said in the section on SOD, women are far more picky than they’ve ever been, and hypergamy is far more advanced than most people realize–especially women, even though they’re the ones driving it. Because of IG, Tik-Tok, and dating apps, the average single woman walking around today thinks her SMV is at least a point or two higher than what it actually is–so a 6 thinks of herself as a 7 or an 8.
This, ironically, is why cold approaching hotter chicks is actually easier than average ones. Counter intuitive, but part of it is that the average chick thinks of herself as an 8, only she’s not. Thus, there’s a wide gap between the amount of attention she actually gets from guys IRL, in terms of being approached, dating, sex, and relationships, and the amount of attention she thinks she should be getting based on her inaccurate perception of her SMV.
So when you approach a 6 who thinks she’s an 8, she’s skeptical, but because she can match with level 8 Chads on SOD, and this is directly tied to her flawed perception of her value and therefore her ego and self worth, she’s more likely to reject the approach or flake after the fact, because to her, if the guy she’s with isn’t super good looking, it means she’s not so good looking after all, either.
Hot chicks–truly hot ones: high 7s, 8s, and 9s–on the other hand, DGAF. They know they’re beautiful, so what’s more important to them is that the guy has game, money, or some combination thereof. More attractive girls, in this sense, might date less attractive guys (not saying this happens a lot, only that it can), because it’s not tied to her ego the way it is for a girl who knows deep down she’s only average.
In the past, of course, it wasn’t this way, because social media didn’t exist and so average chicks had to date average guys, and they didn’t have a false perception of their value in the first place.
Today, obviously, this is not the case, which means guys should do everything in their power to maximize their SMV. That means being fit and strong, with very little body fat, and it means having good fashion sense, along with accessories, tattoos, and that sort of thing if it matches your archetype–good stuff here from Magnum, and I have a blog I’ve been working on re: archetypes that covers a different aspect–try to get out this week or next.
Because we are living, increasingly, in a black pill world, where looks are a huge factor in any guy’s success with women. Game still matters, of course–I mean, I don’t look all that much different than I ever have as an adult, and yet my results before learning game were horrific compared to my results after.
But at the same time, to be 100% honest, my best run in game–from summer/fall of 2018 to summer 2019–was when I was in the best shape of my life, and I’d added black earrings and three tattoos as well, on top of changing my fashion to a more fitted, hip look.
So I guess for guys who want to enjoy a lot of success with women, the message here is that you need both. You need to maximize your looks and SMV, but you also need game, because as Tom Torero says, looks are only an opener–if you don’t have game after that point, it’s not going to matter.
Think that’s all I have for now–as I said I’ll try to get the blog on archetypes done here sooner rather than later, but after that I intend to spend a bulk of my time working on the Red Pill Novel, so I may not crank out as many posts, at least for a time.
Oh, one last thing–the whole deal above about why hot chicks are easier to approach than average chicks was the result of a conversation I had with Daygame Works on Twitter. So if you have any questions or requests for blogs on particular topics, shoot me an email or DM me on Twitter, and I’ll try to get to that if I have any insights.
Much love brothers!