Gauging interest: escalate until you meet resistance, then withdraw.

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Been working with my first “client” although it’s free since I’ve never done this before. Great guy and lots of fun–already does well with women, but is looking to sharpen his skills. Hoping to do more…we’ll see.

But something that’s come up quite a bit in talking with him and in DMs with other guys is knowing when to escalate vs. when a chick is just being a time waster. Because as Redquest has wisely noted, attention is the only tool available to the modern man.

Before we get into the details, lets just go over a few basic principles.

  1. If a girl is into you–like, wants to fuck you–she’ll come out on a date.
  2. If she won’t come out, she doesn’t want to fuck you. At least, not right now, so stop contacting her.
  3. Girls don’t care nearly as much as you think about wealth and status. If that makes her think you’re hot, then OK, but she’ll also fuck a drug dealer in a van if she thinks he’s hot. These days, women can make their own money and if she’s not looking for a provider or husband, how much money a guy makes or what kind of job he has matters way less than the circumference of his biceps and body fat percentage.

So lift motherfuckers.

The Compliance/Escalation Ladder

There’s a really basic principle guys should apply when gaming chicks. Escalate to the point of non-compliance, then withdraw attention. Think about it like a ladder.

  • Step one: she gives you her number, whether through cold approach or OLD.
  • Step two: she replies to your texts, engages in playful banter. This stage is short–no more than a few days of texting, preferably less than 7-10 texts back and forth.
  • Step three: you pitch a date and she agrees to come out.
  • Step four: she actually shows up on the date.
  • Step five: proceed with verbal and physical escalation on the date.
  • Step six: go for the pull, whether your place, hers, or somewhere sex can happen.
  • Step seven: escalate toward sex, then have sex with her.

Now, if at any point she stops complying, withdraw attention. It really is that simple. You don’t try to convince her to come out. You don’t argue why you’re the guy for her. You don’t continue texting her, and you sure as fuck don’t send her a chody text acknowledging her lack of communication or flake. This is actually also a good safety principle in terms of the whole #metoo thing as well–because what we’re looking for is genuine interest. You’re never forcing her to do anything: it’s either she wants to hang out/hook up or you leave her alone.

I believe I heard this in a Torero podcast, but I can’t remember which one. Anyway, one of his wings used to say something to this effect: we’re not trying to get the girl to a yes–we’re trying to get her to a decision. Paul Janka maybe?

Anyway, the point here is that women give a lot of false signals. Consider the epidemic of flaking. Is what it is, but the question is: if she was interested in the guy, why give her number and/or agree to come out on a date in the first place? And the answer is: who knows? Girls are random AF. But if she flakes, she obviously wasn’t that interested. Now as I noted in the post I wrote on flaking (link above), there are a number of reasons that might be, but regardless of the reason, you only have one option: withdraw attention.

Because again, if a girl wants to fuck you–if she’s genuinely interested–she’ll come out.

The tricky part is that some chicks will continue to reply to texts, or maybe even DM you on IG or continue to like your posts and seem to be indicating interest. Why? Because they absolutely love attention and always want to have a few orbiters around in case they change their mind.

Socks is a good example of this for me. We had an on again/off again relationship after our initial romance last summer, where occasionally we’d go on a date and fuck after, but sometime back in April she stopped agreeing to come out. She’ll still reply to texts thought–in fact, I bet if I texted her right now she’d reply by the end of the day. But after we went through a few iterations of me pitching a date, her either not replying or not agreeing to the date, me withdrawing–sometimes for a few weeks–repinging, and doing it all over again, I stopped. She’s not coming out, because she doesn’t want to fuck me. At least, not right now. So there’s no reason for me to contact her.

More importantly, if I continue to text her and give her free attention, not only am I unlikely to get her out, I’m also lowering my value. In my experience, a fair number of girls will come back, sometimes after several months or even half a year or more. But if you’re continually texting her during that time, it’s like petting a cat too long–eventually they get annoyed and see you as a stupid needy person. Because you are. Or at least, you’re behaving like one.

So I’ll repeat this one more time: escalate from number to date to sex in sequence, and if at any point you meet resistance or she doesn’t comply, withdraw attention. And if you’re meeting a lot of resistance, not turning numbers into dates into lays, you’re probably doing something wrong, because if you’re running good game, chicks should generally want to fuck you. Now of course, some still won’t for lots of reasons–but generally speaking you should be converting between 1/4-1/2 of your dates in to lays, depending on the circumstances, how you met, etc.

What does withdrawing attention look like? The alpha way. WWCD.

Typically it means not doing anything, which for many guys is harder than it should be.

Here’s what it DOES NOT look like:

  • Double texting. If she’s interested she’ll get back to you.
  • Phone calls or VMs. No.
  • Liking her IG photos–in general, you shouldn’t like their photos or give girls attention on social media. That’s chode behavior.
  • Calling her out on a flake or accusing her of ghosting.
  • Continuing to interact after she’s refused to give her number, agree to a date, etc.

Remember our North Star: what would Chad do? And the answer is that Chad’s moving on. Chick doesn’t come out? He’s got another one who’s interested. Chick doesn’t text him back? He doesn’t even notice because he’s got five others hitting him up. And for fuck’s sake, Chad doesn’t sit around all day scrolling through IG or watching Tik-Toks–because he’s fucking chicks or surfing or fishing or whatever it is that Chad does.

Now, after a period of time–typically 48-72 hours with a new lead; a week or several with a girl who’s either a long lead or a girl you’ve already been with–you can re-ping with a funny photo or a crazy story or something like that. And over a long enough period of time, you might get some small portion of those girls to come out. In fact, given the COVID situation and how that’s developing, now might be a good time to ping some of those old leads.

But for the most part, if she didn’t come out initially, she’s made up her mind that she’s not going to. And all you can do is use that vacuum of withdrawing your attention to have any chance at sucking her back in.

If you don’t apply redpill and game principles, you’re still a blue pill chode.

It’s very easy to go on Twitter and proclaim how “alpha” you are and crow about women and lifting and soy boys and all that stuff. But if you’re not actually applying the principles of game and redpill to how you interact with women, it’s not going to matter.

This should be fairly obvious, but it’s astonishing how many guys who say they get it still don’t, or go right back to the blue pill bullshit they were taught by our nanny-state society. You can’t be too nice, too honest, or too attentive with chicks. Especially not in the early stages of seduction. And no, it’s NOT alpha to be overly emotive or over sharing or showing too much investment. These are literally the things that will dry her pussy like the Sahara desert.

The best way to internalize this, in my opinion, is to actually go do a lot of cold approach, whether day or night game. Because you’ll get rejected a ton, you’ll learn to flirt and get feedback in real time as to how to escalate, and if you continually go out over a long enough period of time, you should get enough leads to the point where you don’t worry too much about the ones who drop off; moreover, you KNOW that you can go out and get more leads, which builds an abundance mindset.

Yet another reason why I dislike OLD–because until you get her out on a date, you’re in HER FRAME. She’s the one with abundance, not you. She’s got probably at least 15-20 other guys she thinks are attractive sending her messages, so withdrawing your attention doesn’t really matter. You have zero power until she comes out.

Now look, if online game works for you, by all means use it. But for guys learning redpill and game and dating, you simply can’t replace what cold approach teaches you about women and how to turn them on–because if you can’t excite her in set, you’re not getting the number. On the flip side, if you can excite her in set, you stand a good chance of exciting her on the date. I should also add that if you get a girl’s number through cold approach, you’re in a different category: she’s not comparing you to the guys on Tinder and IG–or at least she’s much less likely to, because the mode of meeting was different.

Anyway, think that’s all for today, but important stuff here. And definitely read RQs post on attention as well.


  1. I think you can ping them after a couple months–often a holiday is a good time to do that. Like now you could say: Happy New Year with some funny meme or GIF and it might get a good response. It is often the case that they’ll reach out. Chicks will often leave after they realize you won’t commit, then after a few months of not having good sex, they’ll come back around for sex and because they liked you in the first place.


  2. Great write up RPD. From your experience of a number of girls coming back after a good few months of not seeing them, what’s the best approach? Do you find they normally reach out to you, you to them or a bit of both?

    I’ve got a couple of girls where things fizzled out/ they stopped replying so I left it a few months and wondering if worth pinging them or leave it to them to initiate.


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