Decisions as votes, and why modern society is built to kill marriage.

A close friend of mine is going through divorce: found out early this year that his wife had cheated on him, and in the intervening time he’s proceeded steadily toward having her move out and filing the actual papers.

Out of respect for him I won’t get into the hairy details too much. As he said yesterday on the phone, the breakup of a marriage is no cause for celebration. It’s not good for anyone–the kids (if they have children), nor the adults, nor frankly, the friends and family who supported their union.

But he said a few things “I’ve been turning over in my mind ever since”–to borrow a Fitzgeraldism–and then reading Breeze’s latest post, it got me to thinking more about the strange nature of the world in which we live.

So fair warning: this post isn’t about day game or sex or any of the shit I’d rather write about. But the world is burning down around me right now and game isn’t much of an option (although I have managed to retain one chick to tide me over–nice girl too), so theory it is.

It’s interesting, because as I was discovering the Red Pill, game, and the player lifestyle after my own divorce, my friend came across it as well, but from a different angle, looking for a way to save a marriage that was clearly failing. So in a strange way, we were both learning the same principles and ideas about how to interact with women, albeit in entirely polar circumstances: me trying to actively pursue women; him as a means of reigniting the spark in his marriage.

The net result is that he dove into a lot more of the self-development aspect of TRP than I did, and in that sense he’s developed a stronger frame and a better understanding of human behavior. Chasing pussy is fun, don’t get me wrong, but it’s a more superficial pursuit than trying to improve yourself as a man and husband.

No matter what you do, you’re always voting for something.

Anyway, one of the things he said recently that stood out is that we’re always voting, whether we know it or not. The most explicit manifestation of course is casting a ballot for your preferred candidate, but the same is true of literally every decision we make in our waking lives.

For example, if you consistently buy ground beef, you’re voting for ground beef and everything that goes into it’s production, distribution, and sale–you’re telling the system that this is what you want. Same is true of spinning your wheels on Twitter, going out to drink with friends, or buying a girl flowers: your input enters the system and has effects going forward.

This is true for relationships as well: you’re either voting for the relationship or against it. The irony is that we often act thinking we’re voting for a relationship only to find out later that we’ve actually voted against it. This is going to take us down another rabbit hole, but before we do, some practical applications here to think about:

  • Anytime you eat sugar or shitty food, you’re voting against being fit. That’s not to say you shouldn’t ever eat dessert or a plate of nachos or go drinking with friends, but just realize your vote always counts. And as we all know, many people in modern society are voting to be fat.
  • Conversely–anytime you’re pursuing your mission, your voting in favor of that mission. To use myself as an example, my mission is to write and produce content, whether this blog, books, etc. So anytime I sit down and write, I’m furthering that mission: even if it’s shit writing or something I never publish.
  • The tricky thing is where the outcome of your vote isn’t obvious. Consider a job where there’s no reward for hard work, like say, working a government or union job. Salaries in these industries are determined almost entirely by tenure, not talent, so spending tons of time trying to excel in such a career may be beneficial in terms of your feeling of self-worth or personal pride, but it’s not likely to affect a change in terms of your finances or status.
  • We should also think of voting in terms of imprinting patterns of behavior, because voting for something once makes you more likely to vote for that thing again. And again. And again. Like, if you come home every night and drink a bottle of wine, you’re voting to become a person who does just that–and you make casting that vote every evening more likely. Doesn’t mean you’ll become an alcoholic or have problems in that regard, but behavior is often based on patterns we establish because we’ve no longer considered the consequences of voting any other way.
  • We see this with partisanship, especially in the US. People who vote Republican or Democrat are likely to continue doing so, even if the politician/party they’re voting for doesn’t truly represent their interests. This is where I worry a lot about society going forward, especially with regard to young people, because if all you do is stare at your phone, playing games, scrolling through IG and watching Tik-Toks, living off false validation from social media, you’re voting to become precisely the person who does that in perpetuity.

The point is simply to actively consider the outcome of your votes. Some votes come with great reward or danger, and some don’t matter much at all. Thus, the need to consider whether our vote will work to affect the outcome we’re seeking. For example, yelling at a coworker who fucks you over may seem entirely justified–like the right vote–but if you do this, is it likely to make them less likely to fuck you over in the future, or engender a better relationship going forward? Probably not.

I don’t want to get into politics too much here, but one thing that’s extremely concerning is that so many people, whether they support Trump or Biden, are crowing about how the only way the other guy can win is if the election is rigged.

OK fine–maybe that’s your cynical view or maybe you’re just saying it because lots of other people in your tribe are saying it (most likely–don’t be an NPC). But understand that by stating that, whether on social media or other venues, you’re VOTING for a constitutional crisis and the delegitimization of the upcoming election–you’re helping that outcome to manifest as truth.

And whatever your politics, you should ask yourself: is that really what you want? Do you want to bring about a situation where we don’t have a peaceful transition of power if Biden wins, or a reaffirmation of the status quo if Trump does? Have you considered what that might look like–mass civil unrest, riots, looting–a possible civil war–the military getting involved on one side or the other?

All that seems pretty bad to me, and if you’re a player or even just a normal person who wants a stable, functioning society, doing anything to undermine the legitimacy of this election is a vote for the opposite, even if it’s just shit posting on Twitter. We’ve all seen what COVID and the current unrest has done to the SMP: chicks aren’t coming out nearly as much, flaking more often, etc. So if you want that to continue, go ahead and fan the flames of extremism, but understand that THIS IS WHAT YOU VOTED FOR and accept the consequences. And my guess is we’re not going to be running a whole lot of game or doing much dating in 2021 if we have lunatics continuing to run around in the streets, whether BLM and Antifa OR a bunch of white guys with AR-15s.

Why modern marriage is so likely to fail: militant women and blue pill men.

Modern Western Societies function on the basic premise that men and women should pair up, get married, have kids, etc. But while our culture is still built on monogamy, marriage, and family, the three pillars that used to reinforce stable relationships have been all but obliterated.

  1. Religion–does anyone really care about spiritual matters anymore? About sacrifice, humility, compassion, grace, or penance? I’d argue mostly no. And to the extent people do claim to be religious, most of it’s probably just virtue signaling.
  2. Community–people are more likely to interact with strangers on the internet than their next door neighbors. Fact.
  3. Male provisioning–men used to be breadwinners, and to live a good life, women needed to marry. Obviously that’s not the case anymore.

These pillars held up the institution of marriage. Male provisioning provided a strong incentive for women to get married, religion gave people a higher reason to stay married, and community reinforced marriage, because divorce meant social shame and displacement.

To be 100% clear, I’m not arguing the merits of the pillars above good or bad, only noting that they are now gone, and without them–or something else in their place–monogamy and marriage are doomed.

The reason is simple: women are predisposed, through evolution, to deplatform and/or destroy weak men. And this is actually a good thing, as the health of the tribe depended on having strong men who were effective, decisive leaders. However, the way this behavior manifests in the Western world has become exacerbated by social forces and cultural incentives.

Because, probably going back as far as the 1990s, we’ve raised women to be masculine (“girl power”) and to view men as weak, foolish, and disposable (the Homer Simpsonization of modern men), while encouraging them to become more promiscuous and sexual.

At the same time, we now raise men to be ashamed of their sexuality and see its expression as toxic and potentially dangerous, and worse, to behave in such a way as to become weak, foolish, and disposable.

The combination is a catastrophe.

It’s a Trap!

Because when women smell blood in the water, they attack. Not a bad thing necessarily as I said above–it’s just their nature based on evolutionary biology. But when society has taught men to bleed for women, as we’ve done (“happy wife; happy life”), and removed the pillars that previously might prevent a woman from sabotaging her marriage to a weak man, you have a recipe that results in precisely the statistics we should expect to see: a near 50% divorce rate, with 80% initiated by women.

Indeed, it could be argued modern society has set one of the most elaborate traps that has ever existed:

We tell women they should lead, be powerful, make all the decisions and expect men to obey, and if not, to discard them as misogynist, macho assholes. Men should be sensitive and caring, not strong and stoic.

However, in practice, we know women despise the men like this, and most resent being in charge and making decisions. So in the first place, she’s choosing relationships with men who are ill suited to be good partners, and then on top of that, to what extent they do lead and show masculine qualities, it counts against him!

This is why I say it’s a trap. To bring it full circle, think of it as voting: we’ve essentially taught men and women to vote against their relationships and/or marriages on an ongoing basis, thinking all the while that they were voting for them.

Modern women believe bringing their man to heel is somehow good for the marriage: killing his social life, telling him the dad bod is sexy, nagging him about chores, etc. On the flip side, we tell men “happy wife, happy life”–that they should be precisely the kind of pussies woman hate and don’t want to fuck. And over time, feminism has conned many in our society that relationships are about equality, not polarity.

Like honestly, is it really any surprise that marriage is failing? That people aren’t having kids? That everyone is frustrated by the current SMP?

It shouldn’t be. Shit’s bad. And it’s precisely because we’re attempting reverse engineer gender roles while continuing to run society on a paradigm–monogamy and marriage–that is almost guaranteed not to work under those conditions.

And this is to say nothing of the deleterious effects of online dating and metastasizing hypergamy.

***

The above rant, strangely enough, came from a fairly innocent comment this same friend made about how a fair portion of his family fantasy football league were officially now ex’s. A league that had started whole just a few years ago, no less–now more estranged than family.

But in truth, it’s no real surprise anymore.

Of all of my friends, I count only two as having stable marriages. In both cases the husband is strong and dominant, the wife is submissive and feminine.

But the rest either have marriages that will fail or result in years of misery and sexlessness–where they’ll stay together for the kids and mostly tolerate the other one, looking longingly at Chads and Stacies playing in swimsuits on family vacations; a marriage ripe for destruction as soon as there’s infidelity or any sort of crisis involving health or finances.

So I say again: unless she’s an incredibly special woman–a true unicorn–don’t get married. It is literally now an institution that is built to fail.

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