The psychedelic experience: pretenders and seers. Uh, field report I guess?

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So, before we get into the realizations I had on my personal experience using psilocybin, I want to state, again, that in most places it’s illegal, and here are RPD, we always advise staying within the law. That said, if you don’t get caught, I guess it is what it is.

The reason I wanted to try it and write about it, was that it’s shown to have a powerful, often transformative effect on one’s perspective, especially if you go into it with the right mind set. And indeed, that’s exactly what happened.

However, before you consider whether you want to do likewise at some point, I highly recommend How to Change Your Mind, by Michael Pollan.

Also–and to be entirely transparent this is only my first experience–it seems like having some sort of plan or set of expectations is important. I’m also told it’s useful to have someone do it with you or a sitter, although in my case I didn’t and I wonder if some of what I realized would have been possible with another person present.

There are basically three truths about life:  

1) Nothing really matters, with the exception of truth number three.

2) People are animals. Or pretenders, is perhaps the better term.

3) There is a God–or something–that exists beyond what we can conceive in any sort of conventional way, and we’re all part of a larger story. Most people are what conservatives call NPCs or non-play characters (although ironically, being a certain kind of conservative is about the most NPC thing you can do–same is true of certain liberals); essentially an automaton that acts based on a combination, or Matrix, of whatever social context they find themselves in along with basic human biology. It is only when you start acting outside of this Matrix that you become a player in the story.

But almost no one does that, because they can’t truly internalize the first two points. Point one can only occur when you’ve truly let go of the ego. Not that you don’t have some inner sense of self or pride or measure of wealth, relationships, or possessions you wish to retain. Of course not. That would be absurd. No, the difference is that a person who’s internalized the fact that none of it matters (truth number one) would not hesitate to throw it away if it were necessary.

In Matthew 19:23-24, Jesus says, “I tell you the truth, it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.”

That’s why. Because a person who is rich becomes so attached to their riches that they can’t possibly imagine what it would be like not to have them. This is why the GodKings like Tim Ferriss and Joe Rogan and Peter Thiel and Sam Harris and all the rest of the silicon valley fucksticks can do all the mushrooms and ayahuasca they want and it won’t matter. Because even though these substances can reveal the Matrix, nearly everyone chooses to return–to speak not of the truths they have seen.

In a word, to pretend.

We pretend things are a certain way because either we truly don’t know any better, OR we do know better but it’s more comfortable to pretend. This is where women, in particular, mystify me–it seems to me that most women are in touch with their spirituality, because they are primarily emotional beings, and in a state of high emotion, one can see the Godhead, or at least escape the Matrix for a moment and stop pretending. Indeed, I’d argue that when most women climax, it is because they have reached this level and are fully in touch with their hind brain, which is why the female orgasm is elusive; because while there are certain necessary mechanics involved, it is not mechanical. Because to orgasm, she has to stop pretending–really stop pretending–or pretend so effectively that she actualizes the fraud into reality.

And that’s hard, because women are really good at pretending and are in fact in a state of pretense almost all the time. They also have a massively passionate attachment to wealth and comfort. I say this not in judgment, because it is 100% necessary for the survival of our offspring. The same reason men desire wealth and power and status. Because this attracts women. Which is why (and I’m not the first to have said this) it’s fucking hilarious when chicks (especially knowing what we know about how to activate their sexual desires–and especially privileged white bitches) say, “Smash the Patriarchy!”

Really? You want to smash the Patriarchy? The whole reason the Patriarchy exists is because women choose men who are rich and are obsessed with wealth and comfort (think it was Rollo who first said this–or at least who I heard say it). And like, that’s OK. It’s fine. It doesn’t make women bad people. It just makes them people. But the Patriarchy is a societal arrangement which is 100% a product of how women choose mates.

Sometimes, the lack of self-awareness is absolutely fucking astonishing.

What’s also interesting is that while feminism actually served a true purpose to a point (equality, which of course is a mostly a good thing–at the least it allows them to fuck Cads like me), it now exists as what can only be described as a status grab.

The irony is that it doesn’t actually help women.

Being able to go to med school, become a lawyer, CEO, or a politician? That was helpful. But the movement has ceased to be about equality or opportunity. Again, now it’s mostly about status and privilege. #MeToo wasn’t really about sexual assault–it was about the right to decide, after the fact, that because a woman regrets sex or a sexual experience, she can say it’s sexual assault. Note: this isn’t to say sexual assault or rape don’t happen, but that the rate at which either occur is VASTLY overstated–it would be interesting to know the true numbers, and maybe I’m wrong, but my guess is that the reason police ignore some rape kits is that the woman hasn’t presented a credible allegation. I mean, what is a rape kit anyway? It’s a taking a man’s seed out of a chick’s pussy. There are lots of ways it could have gotten there that don’t involve rape.

Same is true of “believe all women.” And both were also about being in-group. I mean, after all, if you didn’t have a #MeToo story, what does that mean? It means you’re not desirable enough to even be subject to such an act. See the pretense here? 

The problem is society has taken this so seriously that it has culled the sexual expression of men to a point where women have truly succeeded in reducing the number of men who might otherwise make suitable mates–because going back to what I said before, how can any man who has to stop and ask, verbally, for consent, possibly activate her hindbrain? How can sex with a man who lacks the confidence to take what he wants ever be anything but awkward?

And this has been exacerbated by the fact that women now often make more money than a lot of men, and yet their biological hardwiring makes it very difficult to settle with any man who makes less money than they do. Women marry up or across–not down. But many have elevated themselves to the point where only ballers making $200K/year and are over six feet tall would be suitable, and guess who those guys are fucking? Hot 24 year-olds.

Exactly as they should be. Talking to you Tomi.

But I suppose that’s beside the point. The point is we’re mostly pretending. We pretend we need pronouns. We pretend marriage is still a workable arrangement. We pretend school is necessary. We pretend racism is rampant. We pretend socialism is bad. We pretend we have free speech. We even pretend that we’re free, when the reality of it is that we’re slaves to whoever owns the land we live on in one way or another. We pretend and pretend. And all of those pretensions have real consequences. Often negative.

But what’s funny is that when you stop pretending, it doesn’t really matter. I mean you have to be careful of course, not to upset the NPCs around you–because they’ll attack and attempt to have you silenced or removed. All the same, if you don’t let on, it is possible to stop pretending, and that’s when you realize none of it matters (truth number one), that people are mostly just animals (truth number two), then that opens the possibility for the third truth, which is to see God (or whatever you want to call what’s beyond), and then figure out how to play your part in the story. A story you now have the power to change, however small your contribution.

That’s my mission now: to awaken those who might awake. For what purpose, I don’t know–that will be for them to figure out. Of course, most won’t, and I’ll have to do so in a way that is not obvious so as to alarm the pretenders, or they’ll attack me. It will be a very subtle job, but I’m sure I can do it. Understand, it’s not that I lack compassion for those who can’t, or won’t awake. It’s not that I don’t care about the average human. No, indeed. I’m happy to help as many as I can. Indeed, some I have loved, and will continue to love. My own son, for all I know, might never wake up. But that’s OK. People are generally pretty good, or at least doing the best they can. And that’s good.

It’s just that it’s also so often cringeworthy, like the woman who buys a “Black Lives Matter” T-shirt at Target. Well intentioned, but without a thought to acknowledge its manufacture in SE Asia by someone who lives in a three walled shack made of tin and is paid a dollar a day, barely enough money to pay for the rice her family needs to avoid starvation.

Perhaps all lives matter isn’t such a bad slogan after all, eh?

“That’s racist,” she says to me–the racist, misogynist, privileged white male. 

Indeed, indeed…


  1. For most people, the quality of their lives is determined by the quality of their relationships. Schools are set up to inculcate baseless and pointless competition, and they generally hide this truth… we are taught to run around like rats in a maze, getting achievement points (pieces of cheese) until we get… where? To the point that we can spend every dollar we make on… what exactly? Why?

    Quality relationships with other humans can’t really be “bought.” They can be facilitated to an extent by money, achievements, etc. (someone with no money whatsoever often, but not always, has something wrong with them… they aren’t building/creating value, or can’t…), but not bought outright.

    The psychedelic experience is powerful for many reasons, one being that it often reveals or foregrounds the vitality of relationships to the human experience, and plunging into this spiritual netherworld helps us connect and bond with those who we do it with.

    “Relationships” includes sexual relationships, yes, but it is not limited to sexual relationships: something the hardest-core game guys miss… the sexual relationships are important, very important, but they’re not everything, and if you make them everything, you will likely end up alone, and you will likely end up alone even if you’re fucking a lot.

    The feeling of connectedness to the human experience is wild and strange.

    Psychedelics can help people come together and feel things differently and for that reason they are valuable. What they do and what they are like can’t be conveyed in words, and they’re an experience nothing prepares you for.

    We’re taught to be a cog in the machine, but psychedelics can make us see ourselves as the cog and ask, “Why?” The machine doesn’t want its parts to be aware.

    Women understand essentially nothing until they become mothers. Few spinters are complete women. The women who join the political extremes are usually trying to fill the familial emptiness in their souls and wombs, unsuccessfully.


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