Most guys are probably aware of Tom Torero and Krauser’s work regarding cold approach, most notably the London Day Game Model. However, what I’m learning pretty quickly with my students is that beginners often struggle with this model of cold approach/day game: it’s too complex, too much to remember, and too nuanced for BEGINNERS.
All caps there, because I personally use the LDM and I know it works–to my mind, this is the best way to talk to girls over the long run, and good game will net you fewer flaky numbers and stronger hooks from the girls you talk to.
But again, it’s too much for beginners, especially guys who aren’t used to being social or talking to lots of people. So let’s strip it down to the very bare minimum of what it takes to get started doing day game aka cold approach.
A few notes:
- I’m based in a major city on the west coast of the US, so you may need to adjust based on your country/region.
- LOOKS MATTER; whatever your age, race, height, fitness, etc. you need to be realistic. The beauty of cold approach is that it will allow you date girls above your SMV, but if your SMV is at a level 5, that means you should target 6s and 7s–go for the 8s and 9s too, but don’t expect to have great success way above your SMV. I should also point out that for almost any guy, the majority of your girls are going to be 7s; 8s will happen, but they’re more rare, and 9s are truly rare…of all the chicks I’ve been on a date with, maybe only 1-2 were truly 9s–the point is that if your expectations are to only date 22 year olds who are 8 or better, you’re going to spend a lot of time frustrated and jerking off. A 7 is a VERY cute girl almost any guy should be happy to sleep with–take the win and get some pussy. OH, and one thing here: who fucking cares if she’s slutty? Like, isn’t that what you want: a hot slut sucking your dick? So who cares if she likes dick and wears Vans and has tats. As Yoylo points out, septum piercings mean she fucks on the first date. I tend to agree.
- All game is to some extent a numbers game–you will need to talk to a lot of girls to get laid doing this, because most girls will say no. If you find that discouraging, then day game isn’t for you–go back to Twitter and tweet with all the other bros about how you’re going to just get ripped and be really cool and the girls will eventually come to you with zero effort.
- Focus on process, not results. You may get laid by the first girl you talk to, but more likely it’s going to take a long time to get good at this, and even when you are good, chicks will still flake and ghost you, like what happened to the last number I took at Whole Foods.
Where Should I Day Game/Cold Approach?
Anywhere and everywhere there are pretty girls. But that’s vague, so let me be more specific:
- Downtown in your nearest city, preferably in a shopping or restaurant district.
- Shops downtown, in malls, or in suburbs.
- Grocery stores–especially high end or specialty ones like Whole Foods–big box stores, Costco, Target, etc.
- At concerts, farmers’ markets, bazaars, festivals, celebrations, parades, and other gatherings.
- Parks, campgrounds, beaches, hiking areas, ski resorts.
- Bars, restaurants, tap houses, wine bars, night clubs–yes, we’re getting into night game here, but nothing wrong with that. I get that many guys aren’t big on night game, but they’re missing out, because a large number of chicks out getting drunk at 1am on weekends are dressed to kill and looking for dick.
Who should I approach?
If you would fuck her, approach.
If you would fuck her, approach. That’s it. If you want your cock gliding in and out of her pussy until you come, approach. Would you be pretty happy if she was sucking your cock? Approach.
Do you want that? OK, then go talk to her.
That’s it. End of story.
(See AA and Weaseling Below)
How should I approach?
Now we’re getting to the meat and potatoes.
But before we get to what you’ll say, fix your body language–focus on three things:
- Direct, strong, sexual eye contact: I tell my students they should think about ripping her clothes off and fucking her silly. Whatever look that is, that’s the look you want–you want her to know you want to fuck her by communicating through your eyes alone.
- Stand up straight, hands are relaxed and at your side–maybe one is crooked around a belt loop or half inside a pants pocket.
- The player’s smirk–just the edge of a smile, as if you have a secret or there’s a trick you’re waiting to play.
Once you have these things down, the first thing you need to do in cold approach is observe your environment! Observe the girl, observe other people, observe the situation…I recommend NOT being on your phone or having headphones or airpods in, because this takes you out of the environment. This is one of those situations where we truly want to be PRESENT–we want everything in our being to focus on the moment at hand…then:
1) Say What You See; Make Observations
What is she wearing? What kind of jewelry does she have on? Does she have tattoos? What’s going on around you? What’s the context of the situation? What can you guess about her–right or wrong–that might lead to more conversation?
Opening Direct–Statement of Intent
Now, couple that observation with a complement: “that’s a lovely dress you’re wearing little mama.”
- “Those earrings are very dangly–they bring out those beautiful eyes.”
- “That’s a lot of rings you’re wearing…one for each husband?”
- “I like your mask, makes me curious about your smile.”
Note that if you can work in a cheeky tease it’s great, but it’s also fine to keep it super simple: “hi, I just wanted to say that you look lovely today.”
If opening direct doesn’t seem congruent to yourself or the situation, you can open indirect.
Again, we’re going to say what we see: (if at the grocery store buying chips) “let me guess: taco night?”
- In a bookstore, looking at romance novels: “I hate to burst your bubble, but the girls in those stories always go for the bad boys.”
- In a coffee shop, on her computer: “the next great American novel, or midterm econ? I bet you’re a procrastinator!”
- On the street, waiting at a food cart: “I know Pepe’s is good (another nearby cart), but I’ve never had this guy’s stuff–any good?”
Shortly after the indirect open, you’ll want to make an SOI, or statement of intent, aka saying directly that you think she’s pretty, sexy, hot, etc.
Remember, whether you go direct or indirect, you HAVE to tell the girl you’re interested in her sexually at some point–the earlier the better. Why? Glad you asked:
- It sets the tone of the interaction: man to woman. If a random attractive woman came up to you and told you she thought you were good looking, wouldn’t you want to talk to her? Right. It’s the same for chicks.
- You’re also letting her know what you want–this way if she has a boyfriend or isn’t interested, she can ditch out sooner rather than later, which will save you a lot of time in the long run. Remember, if she keeps moving, shakes her head, or won’t make eye contact with you, SHE’S NOT INTERESTED. Let her go and go find another one.
Again remember, this is a numbers game: most women will not want to sleep with you, but some certainly will. The point of cold approach is to figure that out and increase your chances by demonstrating confidence and value–this is ultimately why the LDM is better, or just having longer sets generally: because you’re demonstrating value to the girl, which means some maybes become yes, and the yes girls are less likely to flake.
KEY POINT: forget the proper attribution, but remember that in cold approach, we’re not trying to get her to YES, we’re trying to get her to a decision, YES or NO. (I know I heard this on Torero’s podcast, but I think it was Paul Janka who said this.)
2) Chit-chat about what she’s and/or you are doing. FLIRT.
This is where the LDM would tell us to go in phases: assumption stacking (storytelling), vibing, and grounding. However, for newbies, just try to talk to the girl a bit. What’s she shopping for, where’s she headed, what does she do, etc. The more you can flirt, tease, and spike sexually during this time, the better.
What is flirting? Or, how do I flirt?
I really hope you would know by now–like for Christ’s sake your reading an obscure blog on pick-up. But I also get that it helps to have examples and perhaps if you’re a young guy or a bit autistic, flirting is hard.
So an example of flirting:
This actually happened in real life. A girl was walking out of Whole Foods with flowers and I said on the open: “Pretty girls don’t normally have to buy their own flowers.”
All flirting is essentially push-pull or pull-push. “Pretty girls” (pull), “don’t buy their own flowers (push away–I’m making fun of her).
One I use all the time: “you’re very cute, but I bet your the dangerous type.”
Her: some variation of “what? No I’m not.”
“Said her last victim of seduction.”
Again, I’m pulling her by saying she’s attractive and alluding to sex, but pushing her away with the whole “dangerous” schtick. Is it even a bit corny? Maybe so.
But it works, so I don’t give a shit.
Here’s another good one you can use on solo girl or even a two or three set: “You (girls) looked bored so I thought I’d come entertain you.” Openers like that are good for night game. The bored is sort of a neg, implying they’re boring (push), but demonstrating value by offering to entertain them (pull).
I’ll give you one more: accuse her of stealing chocolate or something at the store after a minute or two of friendly chit-chat. She’ll be like: “what?” And then you say: I’m just kidding…but did you?” If you want to try for a light touch or a push of the arm or shoulder, you can.
Oh, one thing generally on the sexual spiking–this is really good, but you want to avoid directly talking about sex or your dick size unless she brings it up.
3) Acknowledge the Elephant, make an excuse, then close.
Now, to be clear, if you’re super skittish or have trouble with longer conversations on the fly, you can mostly skip the above and go straight for the number close by saying something like this:
“Well, I have to go to work (excuse or FTC), and I know this is random (Elephant), but you’re quite cute and fun–let’s get coffee (or a glass of wine/drink) sometime. Text me your number” OR “here, put your number in my phone.”
The false time constraint (FTC) is classic pick-up and used in this way, also gives you the excuse to close. Acknowledging that it is not ordinary these days for guys to ask chicks out IRL helps the girl to feel more comfortable giving the number.
Here’s what I literally texted a guy recently: all it takes is asking her number.
100%. If she likes you, she will give you her number. No doubt. Girls aren’t dumb. Most of ’em actually, are fairly smart. And even the dumb ones know that if you’re asking for her number, you want to fuck them. If she’s open to that idea, she’ll give you the number. If not, she won’t. It really is that simple.
Super Simple Approach
- Hi I think you’re cute, what’s your name?
- Cool, I’m Chad (insert name), just thought I’d say hi.
- She says something. Or doesn’t. Preferably you flirt or talk to her about normal stuff here.
- You say, “hey, I have to go, but let’s get a drink. Text me your number.”
- You can skip step 3 if you’re a newbie.
You will always have approach anxiety. Everyone does. The question is how much you care, and the more you talk to random chicks, the less you will care. But there will always be nerves.
For those athletes out there, a good analogy is going up for an at-bat, shooting free throws, kicking a field goal, taking a PK, especially late in whatever game it is. Like yeah, shit’s kinda scary, but the more you do it, the more routine it becomes and then even if the nerves are there you can just kind of ignore them.
Plus, as Torero says: the first one’s the worst one. So if you can do more than one at a time, that’s the best option.
I will add that one of the reasons I advise keeping at least one girl around to fuck at all times, or to have enough abundance that you’re getting regular pussy, is that it makes approaching easier. Because you just care way less about rejection if your have other women. This is what guys mean when they talk about abundance.
What they don’t tell you is that having abundance requires a fair amount of work. If you’re lazy, or sloppy, or both, it can be difficult to maintain constant abundance. And, on the flip side, just because you don’t have abundance, doesn’t mean you’re lazy and/or sloppy.
Like, I don’t have abundance right now–and granted, part of that is my not caring a whole hell of a lot about game at the moment, but when I get going again it’s something I’ll bear in mind.
What if I (still) can’t talk to girls.
Lots of guys are in this boat. So if this is you, it’s OK. You’ve come to the right place.
Just kidding, just kidding. Social anxiety is real and a lot of you meat sticks were raised on smartphones and social media, so I’ll tell you two things:
- It’s not your fault your a phone addicted dopamine addict with the attention span of a shrew and the affect of a retard, but…
- It’s your job to fix it. No one else can do it for you.
The thing you need to do is START somewhere.
Can you make even ONE change that will lead to better results?
If so, then you’re making progress.
This is why one of the first things we tell guys to do is FUCKING LIFT. It fixes almost every problem you might have.
So go lift–or if your COVID situation is fucked now like mine is, do a shitload of push-ups…
But in terms of becoming more social, start by talking to people generally. A super easy way to do this is ask them how their day is going. I always ask cashiers or clerks how they’re doing. Why not? It’s just being polite.
You could also ask someone for directions or where a good bar or coffee shop is. Another little gambit is to leave your phone at home, and ask people for the time, explaining that you forgot your phone at home.
Anyway, there are lots of little tricks guys can use to change behavior, but the sticking point is mostly will power. Because if you make a genuine effort to change your behavior and NEVER QUIT, you’ll eventually succeed. You just need to make sure you beat Father Time there.
You’re going to weasel. You just will. You’ll tell yourself she’s not cute enough, or too cute, or too young, or too old, but mostly you’ll be standing there like a big pussy not doing shit.
And that’s OK, as long as you don’t weasel 100% of the time.
But note, each time you do weasel: that girl might have fucked me. And it’s true. She might have. But your pussy was too big to approach her. I’ve done it myself many times.
So anyway, don’t kill yourself over the weasels, but also, if you actually want results, you actually have to go talk to girls at some point.
If you need motivation, help in achieving these goals, a guy to be a virtual wing for day game, and/or a teacher to provide a curriculum of learning red pill, game, and/or seduction, send me an email: firstname.lastname@example.org, or hit my DMs on Twitter.