Talking with a client this past weekend, and we touched on something we’ve skirted before: that potentially, he doesn’t want to do it. Like it’s possible the motivation just isn’t there.
We agreed that we’ll find out later this year–right now is not a good time to make decisions about day game cold approach when everyone is wearing a mask and at least half the population is freaked out about COVID.
But even in the good times, game is hard. And quite honestly, if it’s not something you’re willing to work on, focus on, and expend a fair amount of time and energy doing, you probably shouldn’t. Maybe that sounds odd for a guy who does some coaching here and there, but I don’t want someone to pay me money to teach them something they don’t really want to learn. Because game is unlike any other skill.
Like, fishing and hunting and surfing and rock climbing and racing, etc–whatever guys do in their spare time–all of these things can be hard, but they also have easy entry points. For example, I can take a guy to a trout pond or a river that’s just been stocked and he’ll catch some fish. My son caught his first fish when he was two. Similarly, you can strap a vest on a guy at the local rock gym, and afterwards he can say he went climbing, even if he barely did anything.
I mean, you can go on OLD and fuck some fat girls. Or hire a prostitute…I guess there’s that. But strictly speaking, that’s not game.
Game is getting chicks who are hotter, younger, and tighter. Game is sleeping with girls who are even or higher than you in terms of SMV. Or we could even say that today, given the difficulty of the market because of OLD (every 6 thinks she’s an 8), game is sleeping with a girl who’s SMV is a 6 or higher for a newbie, 7 or higher for a guy with more experience. And the reason we use these kinds of definitions is that what you need to do to sleep with an attractive woman isn’t even remotely related to what you’d need to fuck fat chick.
Because fucking a fat/ugly chick is like giving a homeless man a really good sandwich made just how he likes it–like, motherfucker’s going to eat.
On the other hand, with the exception of blind ass luck, getting attractive women to sleep with you is NEVER easy–and that’s true even for guys who are really good looking. Like, the only dudes who ever have it easy with women are guys who are truly famous and/or powerful, and if you ask them, that comes with problems of its own, whether the much greater possibility of being #metoo’d or the fact chicks are mainly after your money or looking for some other selfish angle.
Game is hard. And again, if you’re not prepared to do EVERYTHING it takes to be successful–to work at this like a college athlete or a determined entrepreneur, it’ll be hard to accomplish much, if anything at all.
The foundation: fitness, style, sociability.
To begin, as a prerequisite, you need to be in shape. Girls–especially young, pretty ones–don’t fuck fat guys. They don’t fuck guys with tiny arms. They fuck guys with guns and abs and sub 15% body fat as a general rule, so if you don’t have that going for you, start there. It’s why RedPill guys ask each other: do you even lift bro?
Second, you need to have some sense of style. Guys who do well with women typically have a particular, recognizable style–what we call an archetype. There are a lot of options, and however you dress should fit your personality, but if you don’t look the part, women will pass. Perhaps the key to remember is that if you don’t stand out from the crowd, she’ll ignore you or put you in a box with the rest of the frat bros or khaki dads or whatever stereotype you look like. In my case, this meant getting a few tats and gauge earrings, along with wearing more fitted clothes and buying some stylish jackets (you know when a jacket is stylish because EVERYONE will complement you on it–unless they’re autistic).
Third, you need to be socially competent. Before you even get to day game or how to talk to girls, or go on a date with a chick you matched on Hinge, you have to be a normal, well-adjusted guy. This means reading on a regular basis (makes you smarter and gives you interesting things to talk about), talking with lot of different kinds of people, and staying up on current events/news.
Indeed, a lot of guys should simply start by saying hi to strangers, chatting up sales clerks and store employees, talking to old men on the bus–whatever. Because if you’re shy, not comfortable in your own skin, and can’t carry a conversation, it’s going to be damned near impossible to convince a girl she should sleep with you.
Cold approach: the ultimate force multiplier for game.
But of course, above all, you need to learn cold approach. Seems like most guys are into day game more than night game as of late, but wherever you find groups of girls, at some point if you want to get her out on a date (and hopefully into your bed), you’re going to have to go talk to her.
Yes, dating apps can work–and there’s no reason you shouldn’t use them if you want to–but let me stress this again: game is hard. You don’t want to be a one trick pony, and the truth is, even with the apps and being very good looking with very good photos, getting truly attractive girls (7+) off Tinder or Hinge or wherever is always going to be difficult, and you’re always going to lack control. Dating apps are a woman’s domain. And if the algorithm changes or they ban your account, you’re hosed. Plus: lots of girls are never going to use dating apps–especially the super hot ones–because they don’t have to.
Point is: the general trend on OLD is that you’re going to get girls -1 or more of your SMV. Obviously there can be exceptions, and again, I’m not saying don’t do it, but that’s just the plain truth: on dating apps you have less value. Fact. Kinda funny: Lee Cho just noted the same thing in a recent email exchange.
So you absolutely need to learn cold approach, which, stripped down to it’s basic elements is pretty easy: you have a friendly/flirty talk with a chick and ask for her phone number at the end…
But there’s so much inside this short interaction that many books–like actual textbooks–have been written about the topic. So clearly there are techniques and strategies one needs to learn, along with the simple competency that comes with the repeated practice of doing it again and again and again.
And it’s entirely worth it. Learning cold approach is one of those force multipliers that makes everything else in game easier. It makes it easier to flirt with and seduce chicks you meet in any context, whether through social circle or OLD. You’ll be better on dates. You’ll be better in relationships. Hell, one funny and also awesome thing that happens when guys get good at pick-up is that they do better at work (so long as they don’t try to do pick-up as a job and buy a shady van to drive around in), with family members, and in nearly every other situation.
That said, it’s not an easy skill to learn. To begin with, approaching a random person–let alone a hot chick–is scary. It’s just not something most people do, and though it’s not unprecedented or illegal, it’s far from a social norm. Most people on most days DO NOT have random conversations with strangers, and most women don’t have guys regularly asking for their phone number.
Does it happen? Sure. But my guess is that it’s far more rare than what most people believe, even for very attractive women, because again, it’s just not a regular aspect of modern society.
Now to the big questions a lot of beginners ask:
- Will girls be mean to me–scream and yell or throw a fit?
- Can I get in trouble for talking to girls?
The answer to both these questions is simple: no.
On number two it’s a universal and 100% no. It is not illegal to talk to girls and tell them they’re pretty, and it never will be.
On the first point, mostly no with a few exceptions. Will some girls be jerks about it as DT suggests below? Yeah…some–more common during night game than day game–but for the most part, if you’re polite and sober and calibrated in your approach, 95% of girls will be extremely nice, and many will thank you after even if they don’t give you their number.
If they don’t want to talk to you, most girls will just keep walking or leave as opposed to saying something mean to you–what guys who’ve done this are talking about when they say they had a “blow out.” So sure, if you do this enough, some very small number of girls might not be so nice (but this is just true about life: some people are jerks), but most of them will be polite–girls are generally nice people–and lot of them will be absolutely thankful to have a handsome, well dressed man tell her she’s pretty.
To bring this back full circle: game is hard. Really hard. Maybe the hardest thing a guy can learn excepting careers like being a Navy Seal or a biochemist at the top of his field. And even then, you think those guys can go talk to a random chick on the street?
So yeah, game is hard–but it’s also totally worth it.
Going on dates, seducing, and having sex and relationships with really hot chicks–like, that is the best thing ever. That is literally why you exist on this planet. That is your purpose: the purpose of every man. The glow and glory you feel the day after a +1 is unmatched by just about anything else. Trust me: you will never feel more electric of alive than you will in the company of a beautiful woman.
And doing the stuff that it takes to be with really attractive girls has this amazing side benefit of making you a better human. Because to do well in game, you need to be fit, have style, sport an attractive/fun lifestyle, and be a generally social person who’s likable, funny, and charming. Who doesn’t want that?
The question is: are you willing to put in the work? Because it’s not going to come fast, and it’s not going to come easy. It can definitely happen faster than you might think, but still not fast relative to what most people expect in a society build on instant gratification: I mean, in my case I went from being clueless about cold approach to getting laid regularly in about 7-8 months. But I already had the fitness and sociability in place: for me it was simply learning the technique and fixing my fashion.
In any case, if you’re ready to start this journey, hit me up on Twitter or send me an email. 2021 is going to be a very good year for game, and there is no better time to start learning than the present.