- Because it’s almost entirely unknown and takes huge stones.
A reader recently reached out to ask a few interesting questions which I’ll attempt to answer.
Why don’t more guys day game?
“Ive read about seduction/pickup off and on since I was in college over a decade ago. And what I’ve never understood is that while some of the advice makes sense, I NEVER see anyone ‘day gaming.’ Its one thing to see it at a bar or whatever but even then everyone is already in their group they arrived with. But at a mall or the store or day to day life I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a dude approach and pickup a woman. I say that as someone who is highly attentive to my surroundings and not completely dense. Can you help me to understand how much its happening? It just seems almost mythic or foreign to me.”
Here’s my initial reply:
I honestly don’t know if I’ve ever seen someone day gaming either–it’s incredibly rare. The seduction/pick-up community is tiny. If you went to London or certain cities in Europe my guess is you’d see more of it, maybe NYC, but there aren’t a lot of guys who do this because: a) hardly anyone knows about it, and b) it takes huge stones. Like, even if there were guys in your community/city who were doing it, the chance of you seeing them do it is also pretty low.
Most guys aren’t even aware day game is a thing. Like, there are probably a lot of guys out there who are vaguely aware of pick-up as a concept or who have hit on a girl at a bar (like I was telling a client recently–this is one reason why night game is more difficult: guys get three beers in them and suddenly everyone thinks he’s a PUA), but the idea you can go out on the streets and talk to girls is pretty out there. I mean, maybe the concept of asking for a girl’s number at a coffee shop is more commonly known–which is technically still day game–but even that is way beyond what most guys will ever do.
Two more things before we get to the next question:
- This is why day game is SO fucking powerful–because it almost never happens, and yet almost every woman on the planet has fantasized about a handsome stranger chatting her up in the grocery store or a coffee shop or a park, getting her number, and the interaction leading to a steamy romance. By the mere act of going up to a random girl and telling her you think she’s pretty, you are BOLD, and different, and in a lot of cases, that’s enough of a reason for her to give you a shot.
- Most guys are huge pussies (I say this with love–trust me, I’ve been there), and even guys who WANT to do this have a very hard time doing it. Because game is hard. Like, day game is really scary if you aren’t a social person and/or not very confident, and most guys are neither of those things. I should point out here as a guy who’s starting to coach day game that it IS doable and teachable–and ultimately it’s not hard or scary once you figure out what you’re doing. But for a guy just starting out who’s not already good with women, it’s a daunting concept. You can definitely learn it on your own, but you’ll be more successful, much faster by hiring a coach, whether me or someone else.
If most guys aren’t players and don’t know game, how do they get chicks?
“Yeah makes sense but if seduction is so tiny how do so many guys get women so easily? Are tons of people just naturals/coasting on their appearance? I can never figure out why ugly drug dealers selling dimebags and wearing Wal-Mart sweats who are morons get beautiful women.”
The answer to the first question is remarkably simple: they don’t. Getting attractive women for 95% of guys in the modern world isn’t easy, and the other 5% are guys are tall, naturally muscular, and very good looking–and it’s difficult even for those guys some portion of the time. That also sorta answers the second question: I don’t think there are that many “naturals” out there–more so guys coasting on their looks–and in some ways those end up being two sides of the same coin.
But the bigger question this reader is asking, even if he’s not directly asking it, is: who gets chicks, and how to do they get them if they’re not PUAs or players or day gaming?
Most guys get the chicks they’re with because they have access to those chicks. They go to school or work with the girl, or happen to be adjacent to or part of a vibrant social circle, or they’re club promotors, drug dealers, or photographers, or rich guys (hot women figure out how to be around wealth), or they’re good looking enough to match on OLD. That’s how most guys get chicks–not because they’re amazing players or have game or are PUAs or anything like that. It’s because they have access.
Because beyond looks or obvious displays of money or fame, women aren’t actually that good at choosing guys…unless she has access. If she works with a guy, or goes to school with him, or does anything where she has more time to see what he’s like, then she can figure out good from bad. This is why my first Chadly experience was as a waiter. Otherwise it’s a crap shoot, which is why women are constantly complaining about where all the good guys are. The answer, sweetheart, is that you don’t choose the good guys, because the bad boys are the ones who make you wet.
Anyway, I suppose today that access can include social media; RedQuest has told me that he hears the real dating app these days is IG (for the sake of transparency, I think I’ve gotten a sum total of 3 lays off social media–two off FB and one off IG, but that is extremely rare, and in every case it was the girl who hit me up)–and that may well be right–but my guess is that in those cases the guy is probably very good looking, has a lot of money (or at least isn’t poor), and does cool shit. To that end I think fame counts way more than money when it comes to getting girls, because women are addicts for attention, and being with a famous guy means you get lots of attention.
OK, so what’s the takeaway then?
The takeaway is that you should learn cold approach or develop a cool social circle or use OLD to your advantage–ultimately, I’d recommend all three.
In terms of social circle, I think RedQuest has the best advice I’ve seen, which is to be a friendly person and go to and/or throw lots of parties. Do cool shit–you’ll meet cool people. Too many guys are voyeurs (too many girls too, but they pay very little immediate consequence for doing so while young and hot), either staring at their phone or a television or a computer screen. Get out there and do stuff, and if you’re open and friendly, you’ll meet cool people who also do stuff.
Ultimately, the greatest social circle hack for getting sex with lots of attractive women is to get into the sex party scene, another thing you can learn from RQ.
In terms of OLD, it seems like Andy from KYIL is really good at it, and he does offer coaching, as well as some products that can help with this. Another hack aside from sex parties is what Andy does, which is to have a bisexual girlfriend who can help you pull and get into BDSM. He also said that shit tests weren’t real, which is one of the dumbest things I’ve ever seen an otherwise smart person say (the most charitable take is that he doesn’t understand what they are)–but hey, we all get stuff wrong from time to time, and adult men can disagree. Dude is legit and definitely worth checking out. I have huge admiration for what he’s been able to do with his life.
I can also help you with OLD, although I will insist that you also learn cold approach. One of my current clients has gone this way and is already getting laid, with several more leads in the pipeline–the girl he’s currently sleeping with is calling him daddy, their doing BDSM, and she’s going on BC so he can come insider her, totally in his frame…so I do know what I’m talking about re: OLD and can help you be successful there, even if I’m not a big fan of dating apps generally. I also want to give the man credit, as he’s doing all the right stuff on his end, getting professional photos, working to get leads, and executing beautifully on his dates.
The one caveat here is that if you’re not a top 20% good looking guy and don’t have/aren’t willing to pay for professional photos, OLD just isn’t a good option. This is also true if you’re much older than 35-40, because unless you go the SA route, the apps won’t show your profile to hot and young.
As for cold approach, that’s my bread and butter, and where 90% of my chicks have come from. Another client just had an amazing weekend day gaming, getting 4.5 numbers (one chick asked for his; typically she won’t reach out, but sometimes they do–socks did, one of the hottest girls I’ve ever banged) out of around 20 approaches after our call–and to be fair, again, I want to give him a lot of the credit: he’s very good, has experience with chicks, is extremely smart, and I think we will see great things from him if he continues down this path.
A third client who was really struggling with closing, going direct, etc., got his first number close this weekend as well, which is awesome. Everyone starts at a different pace. Some guys need to start out by just getting more social generally, before they worry too much about day game or cold approach–btw, my expertise is actually in night game, but w/ COVID that’s not really a thing right now.
Anyway, if you want help learning cold approach and/or with OLD, hit me up for teaching–generally prefer an ongoing monthly arrangement (pay per hour) so we don’t rush the process, but I’m open to one time calls, mini-seminars, etc.
If you don’t think you can afford coaching, here are the best blogs I’ve written on cold approach and game:
- Start here for the basics of day game.
- More stuff on daygame for beginners.
- How to warm up for a day game session and overview of London Daygame Model.
- Night game basics.
- Honing your look and fashion.
Probably another few months before things really open up in terms of game, but 2021 is going to be really good for talking to girls and getting laid (and a lot of simp BFs and blue pill husbands are about to take the red pill, whether they know it or not).