“She only pretended to faint Your Excellency. They’re all marvelous pretenders.”
If you know that quote, bonus points: it’s John Proctor, pleading with Danforth, the head judge in Arthur Miller’s famous play, The Crucible, about the Salem Witch Trials.
And it distills the essence of women, who rarely say or do anything that is not in some way an act, or performance.
This shouldn’t cause you to be mad at women–in most cases–because it’s a result of how women evolved: POWER TALK allowed them to survive and help their offspring to survive, if say an invading tribe killed all their men, or to gain status in their tribe as well as access to more dominant/successful males.
Point is, women are rarely using POWET TALK out of intentional malice; indeed, from her perspective, she’s either not pretending OR she thinks she’s supposed to pretend, and regardless, most of the time she’s not even aware she’s using POWER TALK.
Emotions as reality
In the case of the former, remember, women are emotional creatures, so a lot of their behavior can be explained as a response to the emotions she’s feeling. In a particular state, she will often say and do things she would not do in another emotional state–day gamers know this inherently: if you approach a girl who’s in a bitchy mood, you’re going to get rejected or blown out no matter how good your game is…but approach that same girl after she’s gotten a promotion, or is out of town having fun on vacation, and you might get a same day lay.
Now you might say, “well, if it’s an emotional reaction, isn’t that real, and therefore, real talk?” No–though I understand the argument. We’ll come to this when we get to the examples, but for now, keep in mind that POWER TALK isn’t necessarily dishonest, or even disingenuous–it’s communication or action specifically suited to achieve a particular purpose. In this case, serving her emotional needs.
- POWER TALK: speech or actions used to achieve a purpose, gain advantage, and/or guard against weakness, typically for oneself or a group one belongs to.
- Real Talk: open and honest communication or actions without regard for whatever advantage or disadvantage may be conferred.
Pretending: scourge of modern American society
As for the latter–the times when she thinks she’s supposed to pretend–well, we all do that.
I see bros on Twitter now claiming to be offended because Biden did this or did that–or to want unity–who were also HUGE Trump supporters. I’m sorry, but if you voted for Trump, you don’t get to be easily offended or claim to want unity–like dude wouldn’t concede the election he clearly lost (if you think he didn’t, tell me about the unicorns with gnomes riding bareback drinking moonshine running through your backyard–there’s as much evidence for that–OR you could take off the tinfoil hat and rejoin reality), AND has said horrible things about nearly every human being on the planet. People voted for him specifically because he’s offensive and divisive–to own the libs, right?
And that’s not a shot at Republicans–or at least not exclusively–because Dems do the same thing: watch now as they pivot from “Trump’s not fixing COVID fast enough” to “it’s a really hard problem and it will take time,” OR say “we believe the scientists/women”–except when science says there are two biological genders or when those women accuse your candidate of sexual assault. I also think it’s hilarious when liberals say “words matter” and then “abolish the police” and then when you tell them abolishing the police is a horrible idea, they say: well that’s not what it means.
But wait, I thought words mattered?
In either case, it’s obvious they’re pretending, because if they really believed what they claim to believe–whether Trump supporter or SJW (these two kinds of people, despite hating each other, are mentally and philosophically the same)–they wouldn’t be saying what they’re saying now. It’s incongruent, which tells you they’re just pretending.
This is maybe the most troubling of all our problems as a country and society: we’ve developed a culture of pretending, voyeurism, and feigned victimhood/false aggrievement, and as a consequence are becoming increasingly polarized and detached from common sense and reality–largely as a result of social media…but I digress, that’s not what this post is about. The point is simply that one version of POWER TALK is when people are pretending, because there are social or cultural reasons to pretend (being in-group), and you should be frustrated by this–just not only at women, because men do it too.
Sexual Strategy: fuck chads, cuck dads, and scare trads.
The third case where women use POWER TALK is the one that’s most annoying IMO: when women say or do things to advance their sexual strategy–which includes making sex with hot Chads easier, stopping other, more desirable women from having sex, and/or making it OK for women who can’t compete sexually to frame it as a choice, instead of reality, and thereby avoid social shame and judgment.
A classic example of this we’re all familiar with is the “he’s too old for her,” or “he’s old enough to be her father,” comments. On the surface, it’s purported to be a real concern for the supposed power imbalance between an older man and a younger woman. In reality, however, it’s older and/or less attractive women conceding they can’t compete with younger, hotter, tighter–the same reason fat Becky cock blocks your night game approach. Slut shaming is another example. When women complain about another chicks showing skin, or fucking lots of guys, it’s because they can’t or don’t want to do the same.
This is also why women don’t like the idea of game: that men can learn how to appear more attractive through learning and strategy. You see, it’s OK if they rig the game, but they don’t want you to learn how to play it.
Feminism: the ultimate shit test.
Modern feminism is an example of this as well, although to be fair feminism didn’t start out that way.
Feminism started out as: hey, some girls are actually pretty smart, maybe they should be able to become doctors or lawyers if they want to–or at least get to go to college–and it also seems like women should be able to testify in court, inherit property, vote, etc. That all makes sense to me (although Houston Sub Girl made a strong argument against women having the right to vote recently, that, even if you disagree with the overall premise, is a must read in terms of understanding some of the basic differences between men and women).
Unfortunately, modern feminism isn’t about equality–it’s about sexual strategy: manipulate public opinion into thinking rape and sexual assault is rampant when it’s not (that way, women can later cry foul and get attention and/or money, even if the guy did nothing), redefine what rape and sexual assault even means (falling in love = being manipulated; getting dumped = psychological abuse), get betas to take care of children and do more housework so married “working” women can have affairs with guys like us, and justify childlessness and/or lack of partner as a choice, rather than the reality of the dating market and a reflection of her fitness as a woman (read: women who are too old, fat, and/or masculine). Such framing allows undesirable women (99.9% of all real feminists–remember, many if not most women will say she’s a feminist, but all she means by that is she’s going to look out for her own best interests, not that she’s a man-hating harpy) to avoid the social shame and judgment that rightly comes with not being able to attract AND KEEP a man (I suspect this is also why some women become lesbian or say they’re trans).
So to recap, women use POWER TALK for three basic reasons:
- Emotion as reality.
- Pretending when they think they’re supposed to pretend e.g. posting BLM and a black square on IG before going back to posting pics of her tits and ass (if you’re super concerned about politics and active on social media, you probably do this too–most people are pretenders, not real humans).
- Sexual Strategy.
Some examples of POWER TALK aka shit tests (someone tell Andy), and how to deal with them:
“We’re not having sex tonight.”
Any good player knows that this almost certainly means you’re going to have sex that night…provided you don’t fuck it up.
I’d have to go back and tally the exact numbers, which I’m not going to do, but something like 75% of girls I’ve been able to bounce back to my place have said this to me–and then we fucked.
The key is to give her the plausible deniability. So your answer is always something like this:
- Whoa, slow down turbo–we’re just going to have a glass of wine.
- Tom’s classic: What? I would never–I’m a good Christian boy!
- Or, what I’ve said most often: I know.
This is a classic shit test: she’s trying to see if you’re the sort of loser who gets butthurt and is going to pout–which I used to do when bluepilled and girls said this to me. Goddamn how many lays did I fuck up because when she was using POWER TALK and I took her at face value? Too many.
Girls say “we’re not having sex” for any or perhaps all three reasons women use POWER TALK: it serves her sexual strategy (avoids sex with needy men and is also probably a decent indicator of how good the sex will be), pretending to behave as she’s supposed to (ASD), and as an emotional statement: she’s nervous and doesn’t want the guy to get angry if they don’t have sex, or because she may want to but the forebrain and the hindbrain are still fighting about it.
So when a girl says, “we’re not having sex tonight,” what she means is that she’s under no obligation to have sex with you, not that she won’t. AKA, chill out, continue to escalate, and see what happens.
“I have a boyfriend.”
Here’s a statement many in the community think is a shit test, but whether it’s Real Talk or POWER TALK (read: if she really has a BF or not), the communication is almost always: I’m not interested. Move on.
Like, why would she tell you she has a BF if she wanted to hang out? She doesn’t know you’re a player who speaks the secret language and is going to pass her “shit test”–she’s just assuming you’re a guy asking for her number. So if she had a BF but wanted to fuck you, or at least go on a date to get some attention, why would she disqualify herself? It violates the core principle of POWER TALK: she’s not going to reveal anything that doesn’t move her toward what she wants.
The exception here is if she says it immediately–typically in night game. Then it’s a shit test, or you should at least treat it as one, because though she’s communicating she doesn’t want to talk to you, you haven’t had any chance to demonstrate value–and girls get hit on far more in a nightclub or bar than they do on the street, so they get used to brushing guys off and might be doing so automatically to filter out the goons.
In this case, you may as well play it off as a shit test (best answer IMO: “I don’t want to be your boyfriend”), because maybe there’s an opening? Still tenuous however, because by saying “I have a BF” she’s indicating that her initial read is: not interested. Think she says that to Chad?
So generally, this is a case where, whether POWER TALK or real talk, the communication is clear: move along!
Long pause after the number OR date request–i.e. stalling in response to escalation.
This just happened to me twice on OLD (experience so far reminds me of why I don’t like dating apps, but wanted to be on for solidarity with one of my clients, A/B testing some stuff): texting back and forth with quick responses from the girl, and then as I go for the number request, she stops replying. Same thing will often happen when you go for the date request: hey let’s meet at X at 7:30. And her reply is no reply…at least for long time.
Now, I should say here that for some percentage of girls, that will be the end–she’s just not interested. Any time you move up the escalation ladder, you risk the girl opting out. However, this is kinda like the “we’re not having sex” shit test, only much earlier on in the game. Because a lot of guys will, understandably, get frustrated by her lack of response and blow themselves out by double texting and/or getting pissed she hasn’t replied.
However, if you just wait, a lot of girls will eventually comply, either giving the number or saying yes to the date–in my case recently, both girls ended up giving the number.
The pre-date flake or flaking in general
This one’s similar to the “we’re not having sex” and long pause post escalation shit tests, only more nuclear.
I’ve had several girls tell me directly that they’ll sometimes flake on a date to see how a guy reacts (the Tinder girl I had sex with last year comes to mind). Possibly what the Israeli did before we had risotto and then sex (although she flaked on me AGAIN after our sexy date, so maybe she’s just a flaky chick or not that into me…alas)?
What she’s testing for–whether she knows it or not–is pre-selection: are you the kind of guy who’s going to freak out and get pissed, or are you going to play it cool because you’re Chad and you’ve got plenty of options aka not starved for sex?
Granted, this isn’t POWER TALK in the traditional sense, because it might just be a text an hour before that says, hey I can’t make it, but in effect it’s a political maneuver that falls in the same category. Many guys will assume that she’s just a flaky bitch (and she may well be), when in reality it’s a deliberate ploy on her part.
Keep that in mind: when a girl is playing games, she’s essentially using POWER TALK to her advantage OR she’s truly not interested.
Approach examples of POWER TALK
Any guy who’s done any amount of cold approach, whether day or night game, will recognize the following phrases:
- Do you do this all the time?
- How old are you?
- I have to go.
- I don’t normally give my number to strangers.
- Maybe we’ll run into each other again.
All of these are examples of where the approach can go south–fast. But again, remember that she’s communicating using POWER TALK, so where a lot of guys make the assumption they should move on and not try to close, there’s still an opening, because what she’s really saying is: “make it OK for me to give you my number.”
Correct response is the same as all shit tests: Agree and Amplify, Ignore, or Disqualify–although in this case I mostly like A & A.
Obviously depends on the situation:
- “Do you do this all the time?” Yep. You’re the 23rd girls I’ve talked to today and the 395th this year.
- “How old are you?” 87, but I have an excellent plastic surgeon.
- “I have to go.” No worries, text me your number real quick and I’ll hit you up later.
- “I don’t normally give my number to strangers.” I’m RP, what’s your name? There, now we aren’t strangers; OR Oh come on, you’ve never met a guy off Tinder?
- “Maybe we’ll run into each other again?” We will–when you meet me for coffee on Tuesday.
When a girl says this, she’s trying to pick a fight, or more likely qualify you. The problem is that if you qualify yourself to the girl–I agree, that is so weird/creepy–you fail because you’re falling into her frame rather than pulling her into yours.
The correct response is again, any of the typical responses to a shit test:
- Agree and Amplify (AA): yeah, I really am a weird guy come to think about it–but my mom loves me and that’s all that matters.
- Ignore and change the subject: whatever–I’m hungry, let’s get some food.
- Disqualify: I thought you were an open-minded, liberal sort of woman?
“What are we/where is this going”
Typically, after anywhere from a few dates to a few months, chicks will ask you some version of the above.
Breeze recently wrote a great post on this, based on a real life example with his Ukrainian. But your response really depends on your intentions.
The POWER TALK here is the girl conveying through implication: you’re not being serious about me/our relationship. She’s essentially trying to get you to be more serious and move the relationship from casual to official.
Remember, most women want to be in a monogamous relationship moving toward marriage. There are exceptions and this is changing, but the number of women who are willing to be in a long term relationship as a side piece or plate is pretty damned small. If you can find a chick who’s bi and will bring in other girls to fuck you, that is AMAZING, but it’s also quite rare–a lot more rare than what guys might lead you to believe on Twitter (which could be said about a lot of other things too).
So really, when a girl says this you have three options, assuming you still want to see her:
- Respond that you like her, but that you’re not willing to be monogamous–just not what you do/how you roll.
- Respond that you like her and you want her to be your main, but you’re still going to sleep with other women.
- Go all in on a monogamous relationship with her.
Which way modern man?