Selling crabs in a bucket is far more popular than helping the crabs get out of it.
Which I guess means a lot of crabs like being in the bucket?
RedQuest and I often joke with each other that the posts that garner the most hits and attention are the ones where we bitch about women or society, as opposed to the actionable ones where we talk about how to actually get laid with hot chicks.
Truth is, a lot of guys would rather read about bad girl game than peacocking, let alone try peacocking in their own game. Funny, because it works, and yet guys claim “that’s gay” or “I don’t want to look ridiculous” which is POWER TALK for “I don’t want to stand out.”
Question: Isn’t a beta male a man who chooses NOT to stand out?
To which I say: fair enough…but like, stop bitching then, right? Because the solutions have been laid out for you. There’s more than enough material out there FOR FREE, written by guys like me, RedQuest, Magnum, Nash, Thomas Crowne, Lee Cho, Breeze, etc.–not to mention Todd V, RSD, Mystery, Strauss, and beyond–for you to learn pickup and game on your own (most of the blogs are linked in the side bar).
Like, that’s what I did.
I studied. I learned. Then I failed–a lot. Kept learning, kept going, eventually broke through. And I cannot be more appreciative of the guys who are writing, creating content, etc., and it’s why I chose to become one of those guys myself.
It is also why I cannot for the life of me understand why r/theredpill mods are such fascist douchebags either–clearly their top concern isn’t helping guys with chicks; it’s about wielding power and creating an orthodoxy. If guys like me and RedQuest can’t post on the sub without getting axed, it tells you a lot about the quality of what’s happening over there…but I digress. It is what it is.
I guess the point I’m trying to make in this preamble is that bitching about women will not get you women. That doesn’t mean you’re wrong or that it’s not sometimes fun, cathartic, or even necessary to complain about the stupid shit chicks do and a society that’s misandrous and willfully ignorant of the plight of men in the SMP.
But none of that is likely to change anytime soon, so you may as well move on and focus on what YOU can do to get what YOU want.
The Red Pill, in large part, is about understanding the true nature of women as opposed to the blue pill lies we are fed growing up. Women are not loyal. They do not love unconditionally (fact: neither do you–if she wasn’t hot, would you be interested?), nor are they honest or straightforward. They will not reward your “good” behavior.
And contrary to the dominant narrative in the manosphere, women make a lot of mistakes in the game of dating and relationships…but ultimately, for the player–or even just a guy who wants to get a girlfriend–what should matter is:
WHAT CAN YOU CHANGE/DO TO GET THE RESULTS YOU WANT WITH WOMEN.
Women reward men who are valuable, dominant, and attractive. That’s it.
First, let’s talk about why you shouldn’t be crabs in a bucket guy.
The power of normal: the asshole and the autist.
Thomas Crowne had a good post recently about date to lay ratios, and it seemed the general conclusion from the Twitter discussion that ensued was that if you’re ratio is worse than 5:1 (five girls out on dates and sex with one of them), you’re doing something wrong.
Seems like a good benchmark to me, although I’ll caution guys against getting to obsessed about numbers, but the overall point is that if you’re having lots of first dates in particular, and either not getting sex or second dates, something’s wrong with your approach. My own number is closer to 2.5 or 3:1–I’m good at dating and seduction.
Want to know the secret?
And assuming it’s not just bad luck and squirrely girls, the reason guys don’t convert dates into lays is almost certainly because they’re not being a “normal” guy on the date. Normal is a terrible word because it’s entirely relative, so let me define what I mean by being a normal guy when interacting with women.
- Tease her and keep the conversation light–no politics, dark topics, religion, etc.
- Escalate appropriately and with confidence, whether initial kino, holding hands, kissing, all the way to sex.
- Let her talk, listen, and don’t feel the need to dominate the conversation.
- Express interest in a wide variety of culturally relevant topics: reading, television/movies, music, travel, sports (only if she likes sports), art, relationships, etc.
- Aren’t afraid to disagree with a girl, but ARE NOT disagreeable.
- Don’t argue with women, treat the help (waitstaff, baristas, clerks) with respect, and make a point of socializing with other people while on the date.
- Don’t talk about sex a ton unless she brings it up; sexual talk before sex is innuendo and coded–I know that you know that I know.
Guys generally fall into one of two categories when it comes to not being normal:
Assholes are guys who insist on being right about everything all the time, can’t take any criticism, and finds themselves constantly arguing with people. Their frame is so aggressive and dominating that it becomes a menace to the girl as opposed to a comfort. These guys are constantly shedding friends and are often not invited to social gatherings on purpose–because they’re assholes.
A big part of this is that deep down we can all see that this guy is insecure with who he is, and as a result, he’s an unpleasant person to be around. That’s one thing you should ask yourself: are you an enjoyable person to spend time with? Honestly? Because if you’re not, you’re going to have a very hard time with women.
The flip side of this is the autist. He’s uncomfortable socializing, likely because he spends too much time on his phone, reddit, playing video games, and doesn’t have many friends. He views every situation as a mechanism to fix or a problem to solve, not as an experience to be had. He’s the guy who worries too much about finding a good parking spot or being on time or following rules.
And he’s often dead in the water with women, because: A) he doesn’t know how to talk to people if it doesn’t involve a structure, like work or a game, and B) he lacks the ability to read the girl’s subtle cues as to when he should escalate.
Like, the autist will look at the list I made above and freeze up if the girl starts talking about sex, because in his mind, “you’re not supposed to talk explicitly about sex,” is a rule and he can’t break it, even if the girl has already smashed that emergency glass.
This is what I meant when I wrote that you should only follow the “rules” if it makes sense in the situation: Like, as a rule I generally don’t talk politics, philosophy, or about sports on dates, but I’ve done all of those things because that’s what the girl was interested in–I just made sure to keep it light and fun and interesting.
Now, I’ll be honest: I’m not entirely sure how to solve “asshole,” because the nature of the asshole is a guy who can’t take criticism or see that he is ever mistaken or wrong about anything. But I would say that if you’re always getting in arguments or fights with people, you get a lot of “bad” service at restaurants, and you find yourself being angry a fair amount of the time, then you’re probably an asshole.
A few things to try:
- Meditation/yoga, or just STFU and listen to other people sometimes.
- Read more–one reason guys are assholes is because they’re dumb and insecure about it. Reading makes you smart, so do it.
- Stop paying attention to politics and spend less time on social media: Fox News and OAN and MSNBC and even Twitter and Facebook are DESIGNED to make you angry, because if you’re angry you’ll pay attention. Stop it. The reason a lot of girls say “Trump supporters swipe left” on dating apps isn’t because they actually really care all that much about politics–it’s because a lot of Trump guys listen to right wing radio all day, which is intentionally engineered to make you angry and all spun up about a bunch of nonsense–ie an asshole–and girls don’t like assholes. Same thing is true of the antifa bros who obsess nonstop about race and gender.
- Figure out how to discover when you’re wrong. If you’re constantly blaming other people for your problems, if it’s always the girl’s fault, and nothing ever goes your way for reasons you don’t understand, flip the script: what can you do different? How can you change to get better?
As for the autist, he’s easier to help because he’s typically eager to take criticism and is often well aware of his lack of social skills. Here are some thing guys in this category should start doing:
- Say “hi” to everyone you see when you leave the house. Make a point of being social, asking people how their day is, smiling and making direct eye contact.
- Get off your fucking phone and stop playing video games.
- GET OFF YOUR FUCKING PHONE AND STOP PLAYING VIDEO GAMES.
- Read books: this will give you stuff to talk about as well as making you a more social, interesting person, because when you are reading, your brain processes that as language which involves the same parts of your brain that deal with speaking and listening. In some ways, reading is speaking to you mind, so by reading, you are tangentially also practicing speaking.
- Pick a local sports team and become a fan. Then go to games, or go a local sport bars when they’re playing, and talk to other fans about the team. This is a super easy, low risk way to get more social and get comfortable talking with people. And girls mostly won’t blame you for liking sports–they expect it. I got laid once through a social circle event where I got the girl to help me draft a fantasy football team.
- Go to some yoga classes, join a local hiking group, or volunteer with an organization you support–you need to do normal stuff that girls do and get used to doing things socially.
Hopefully that helps.
There’s a power in being “normal” when you’re interacting with women, because so many guys are either assholes or autists. This is what guys mean when they say the bar is super low to be in the top 10-20% of guys. If you’re fit, have a decent job, and you’re “normal” instead of an asshole or an autist, a lot of attractive women will fuck you.
How to avoid the bitter red pill.
Chicks have it easy when it comes to sex–for them, getting laid is as simple as opening a door.
I mean that literally: like…go somewhere in your house or apartment and open a door. Congratulations, that’s the amount of effort it takes for a chick who’s not over 200lbs to get laid in 2021. A girl who brags about her notch count is like a guy who brags about masturbating three times a day: we wonder why they’re sharing this and the natural reaction is to be somewhat disgusted.
As I put to another player recently, we could both go hard on Game for three years: fucking 1-2 new girls a month, and collectively, we would still have a lower n-count than a 5 who decided to whore it up on Tinder for a year.
This is why you can’t compare yourself to chicks–it’s just a hell of a lot easier for them to get sex. A lot of guys out there will stick their dick in a light socket if you told them it would get them off.
No, what’s hard for a woman is getting a relationship with the kind of guy she really wants. And that’s why a lot of girls will brag and talk about how it’s so great to be a woman, but then bitch about not being able to get commitment. Nine times out of 10, this is a girl using dating apps, matching +2 of SMV, and then getting pumped and dumped, because the guy knows he’s getting a raw deal.
The other thing to remember is that for most women, the window of hotness is VERY short. Most people don’t have the discipline to stay fit, which means that for the vast majority of chicks, she’s hot from 16 until she gets fat, typically somewhere between 20-30. And after that, even if she can stay fit, she’s got a number of other problems to worry about: wrinkles, saggy boobs/butt, pressure to dress like a mom and cut her hair short and stop wearing skirts, eventually becoming the kind of dumb ass, unfeminine woman who says, “you’re just intimidated by older women.”
No. It’s that most older women aren’t hot anymore and guys don’t want to put up with your increasing levels of bitchiness and bullshit.
Point is, women have it easy for a very short time…but then life gets hard. Really hard. And unlike guys, who have to work for relevance and reward and women from day one, women go from having it super easy well into adulthood to things getting progressively and exponentially more difficult, which is why older women can often be so awful: she was spoiled for attention when young, and now that it’s not there, how can she make sense of what’s happened? Surely it’s not her fault, right? So the only answer is to become angry, bitchy, and blame the world for being unfair.
So yeah, the reality is that as a guy, you’re going to have to work for results. And sometimes it’s going to be hard. But your window of being relevant to attractive women in their 20s and 30s extends through your 50s and 60s if you do it right. The other thing to keep in mind is that women are judged almost entirely on two things:
- Children (Husband)
The truth is that unless a woman is beautiful, and/or has children, we don’t care about her–not even other women really care. Oh, you’re the CEO of a $100 million clothing company? Who cares: you’re 50, wear slacks to work, have a butch haircut, and no children. You’re irrelevant to men, and to most women. The hot barista who makes your coffee every morning gets more attention than the woman I’ve just described. It’s not fair, but that’s the way it is.
On the flip side, a man is judged by his deeds and his frame. Included in that is his appearance: after all, what does it say about your frame and deeds if you’ve got a beer gut and bitch tits? But the point is, your work is meaningful–what you do and contribute to the world is of great value and worthy of attention.
Last point here and I’ll try to keep it short: we are not slaves to our emotions. Women are. Now, don’t get me wrong, a lot of Red Pill guys in the manosphere are highly emotional people–their attachment to politics is a good example of that–but they don’t have to be. It’s a choice. And unlike women, as a man you can choose not to live that way: you can choose to view things with dispassionate logic and reason.
So like, wouldn’t you rather be a man?
And if it’s true that you’d rather be a man…then stop bitching and being angry and be thankful for that swinging dick between your legs.
Now get to work!
Obviously, all of this is a lot easier said than done, so if you struggle with women, as always, hit me up for some coaching. You will get better far faster with the help of a coach than you will on your own, which is why I’m happy to offer the service.
Spring time is almost here fellas, which means the girls are going to start coming out in short skirts, showing skin, ready for a handsome man to come chat them up…question is: will you be that man?
I’ve come a long way towards normal over the years. In my teens and twenties I tended towards the autistic side due to just lack of experience but now I get compliments on how normal I am – that’s an actual thing. How essential do you think animals are, though, in projecting the normal vibe (outside of an individual interaction)? I was at an event recently where the talk was all dogs and the 21 y/o chick in my social circle turned to me and said, “Jokah, we’d talk to you a lot more if you would just get a dog.” I know it can be a huge help but I’m really not much of an animal person and it seems like a pretty cavalier reason to get a pet. Am I just overthinking this?
Also, you’re right about the narrow window of attractiveness for women. Being late 30’s, it’s mind-blowing to me how 95% of my female peers growing up are no longer hot at all (I would prefer this wasn’t the case but it is what it is). I was in a restaurant last week and saw a ‘mom’ with extra weight walk in to get a pickup order and as she was leaving she saw me and said “Jokah?!?” and it turned out I knew her from college.
Regarding spring being close, I’m feeling really optimistic, even on the COVID situation. While I don’t think things will go completely back to normal for quite a while, the vaccines are rolling out fast to the most vulnerable and it will get progressively easier and safer to get a little socializing with strangers in very soon.
Great post. I think the last point for assholes is a particularly good one. I’d say for that kind of guy to adopt a frame/philosophy/mantra of personal responsibility and to always ask themselves “where did I go wrong in this interaction?” and actually always see themselves in the wrong (for a time). Even if it just comes down to “it’s my fault for talking to that person in the first place / going to that bad restaurant/ etc. I won’t go there again.”
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