Think like a girl: calibration, social IQ, and empathy/sympathy.

Posted by

Sometimes I feel bad for chicks.

Not because of the usual things they bitch about, because for the most part, unless she’s born with some kind of rare problem—like a misshapen figure or being super big and tall—being a chick and having a good life shouldn’t be that difficult, especially with regard to men and dating.

Like, it’s easy: 

  1. Stay fit and feminine.
  2. Be a pleasant person—embody some joie d’vivre more than 50% of the time.
  3. Have expectations of guys in line with your own quality: what you’re bringing to the table needs to equal his.

Or to put it another way, the three don’ts of being a happy girl:

  1. Don’t get fat.
  2. Don’t be a bitch.
  3. Don’t be stupid or unreasonable.

Pretty fucking easy if you ask me–and note, ladies, we have lots of expectations GUYS NEED TO MEET. Like, that’s literally what this entire blog is about: how to be a desirable man (and today’s lesson is especially important bros).

I mean hell, chicks don’t even HAVE to cook anymore; I’ve cooked far more dinners on dates than have been cooked for me, which says a lot about the state of modern women and why I so often say:

Admittedly, I like cooking ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

It’s not that getting married is always bad—with the right woman I’m sure it can be great—but given the sorry state of the American female, 97+% of the time it’s going to be a bad deal for the guy, especially when you consider the legal and financial obligations involved. Trust me, if it was a good deal to get married again, I’d be married–but post divorce I was like: holy shit! These are my options?

FUCK NO.

So I became a PUA and now fuck women 10-20 years younger than me and live a great life. At some point if I can I’ll cash out with the right girl, but if she doesn’t come along, I’m not hitching myself to a train wreck.

On the flip side, most guys are pretty clueless when it comes to chicks.

All that said, I do feel bad for chicks in one respect: a lot of guys are absolute morons when it comes to interpersonal skills. Sympathy, empathy, intuition, social awareness, etc.–there are many guys who have no idea these concepts even exist, let alone what they mean. And even fewer practice them.

In the end, that’s why a lot of guys have a really hard time getting laid and/or maintaining relationships with women. Beyond approach anxiety (AA—an absolutely crippling factor for many guys, I can help with this), it’s the biggest underlying factor that prevents guys from getting good at cold approach and dating.

Because if you don’t understand the girl—her experience in the world, what she’s feeling, what she wants, how that all has to fit into social norms and expectations, and how you fit into her life—you’re never going to be able to seduce her if she doesn’t already like you. It really is in that case a numbers game and filtering: you just have to hope you’re the kind of guy she likes on a day she’s open to liking that sort of guy.

However, if you get her, and show her you get it, the odds of her liking you increase dramatically. I recently shared some infield audio recordings with some coaching clients, and though my game was far from polished or perfect or even much better than average, the feedback I got was overwhelmingly positive.

Why?

Because you could hear/sense the girl was having a good time–that she liked me. Even the ones who ultimately pulled the BF card. Because whether it was my body language, eye contact, smile, and/or words, I was showing/telling the girl: 

  1. This interaction is fun and socially acceptable, 
  2. I’m a cool guy, 
  3. You’re safe, 
  4. I think you’re pretty.

Not necessarily in that order.

Now, I’m sorry to disappoint the autists out there, but there’s no Lego instruction manual I can produce that will tell you how to do this. This isn’t coding or math or science—this is an art, as Nash so kindly reminds us. And before you think I’m blowing too much smoke up my own ass, let me remind you that I’ve failed more possible times than I can remember, and I will continue to fail with women and cold approach far more than I’ll succeed.

But as I’ve been hitting the streets again post COVID (and coffee shops and bars and book/retail stores), I can say with confidence that I’m fucking good at this, and it’s becoming, while never easy, pretty damn routine.

Part of this, no doubt, is looks

I’m big, tall, fit, muscular, I have my archetype nailed, and I peacock—if you saw me on the street, you’d say: that guy’s a fucking player. But other than the height (and race), any dude who’s reading this can do all the above, and to boot, most or many of you probably have a lot more money than I do, because I’m solidly middle class.

Moreover, lots of guys who are good looking suck with chicks, and 99.999% of all guys don’t cold approach with any sort of regularity, and of those, many are merely turning over stones or if it’s night game, relying on booze or drugs for their courage or allure.

I’m not throwing shade here.

Like, if you’re one of those guys: good on you player! You’ve got bigger balls than most guys, and getting laid very often outside of being a rock star or lead guitarist in a famous band is hard, no matter who you are or how it happens. And there’s also the simple truth that if you go talk to enough girls and ask them out, some number of them, whether it’s 1/200 or 1/1000, WILL in fact sleep with you. The numbers game works, and part of game will always be based on that, as well as luck. Like, the SDL I had recently was not due to any great skill I had on the approach, and though my dating game was good that night, she was a traveling yes girl who opened the door for me: I merely had to show her I was worthy of stepping through.

But if you want to move outside of that basic insect-level numbers game, you have to be calibrated, socially aware, and intuitive. As I said at the start, you have to understand, sympathize, and empathize with the girl.

So let’s talk about how to do that.

I’ll try to convey these concepts as best I can, but note that I say TRY, because I’m honestly not sure all, or even most guys can learn this. If you’re a social goon who’s constantly playing video games, never reads, doesn’t talk to people for days at a time, or you’re too much of an asshole to be seen in any other way, these ideas are going to fall flat—it’s simply outside you’re frame of reference to be able to do this stuff.

If that’s the case, fix that part of your life first, and sorry for the hard sell, but probably the best reason to hire me as a coach (or take my course or hire someone else–see the end) is that I will tell you if you’re an asshole or an autist, and I will help you fix that as it relates to game and getting girls. You will also see in how I interact with you, what I mean in terms of embodying the concepts below.

Abundance: what life is like if you’re a young/attractive woman.

She has more guys than she knows what to do with.

The guys at work like her. The guys in her social circle try to fuck her.

If she’s on OLD she matches constantly.

Very little of her life since becoming a sexual being has been single or wanting.

Like: SHE DOESN’T NEED YOU.

However…she might want you–and that’s your job: to make her want you. The point though, is that the girl you’re approaching isn’t operating from a scarcity mindset. She has abundance. Crazy abundance. She can’t understand what it’s like not to have guys constantly trying to fuck her.

You need to be equally abundant. Maybe you don’t have a bunch of chicks. Most guys don’t. I don’t currently, even as good as it’s been lately.

But you need to FEEL as if you do. Or perhaps more importantly, when you’re talking to any girl, you have to convey to her that you DGAF about what she thinks or whether she approves of you.

So when you’re out approaching, tell yourself you don’t care. She sure as fuck doesn’t, so why should you?

The outcome simply doesn’t matter.

Slut shaming and social dynamics.

A girl talking to a man can be bad for her, even if it’s just a harmless conversation or flirting. Because women are slut shamed and expected to be chaste, even today when we all know they’re not. And understand from her perspective, the mere perception of impropriety is a problem.

Girls want to fit in. They want to conform. They want to follow the crowd and get approval. Like, that’s why they love social media so much. Approval, validation, and attention all in one neat package.

YAY! 🥰

(how girls want to feel ☝️)

So anytime you talk to a girl, you need to give her an excuse for why it’s happening–because if it’s her fault, she’s a slut.

In day game this can be the direct opener: “You look lovely today–that dress is beautiful.” And it works because it’s just you and her. In this case, there’s no social shame from her friends or family, because they’re not there, and the fact she’s getting attention from a handsome man actually increases her value relative to the other people around–which is why you shouldn’t care about the spotlight effect.

In fact, in one of the sets I recorded, a couple old ladies made a comment about the fact I was talking to a cute girl in the middle of the conversation–I couldn’t tell if they were being cunts or if they approved, but it didn’t matter. I brushed it off and the girl stayed put. Remember, once you’re in set, it’s you and the girl against the world. Everyone else can fuck right off. And she LOVES that dynamic.

But in a night game or a social circle setting, you have to be more subtle. First off, in night game if you go talk to her the attraction is implied: she came out to look pretty and meet guys–you’re a guy. This is where a false time constraint is brilliant, because it’s not only an excuse, it’s an exit strategy.

As I was telling a client recently, Mystery’s gambit of an opinion opener with a false time constraint is perfect. It still works, and it will always work. Why? Because you’re doing what the girl needs you to do to make her feel comfortable:

“Hey I’ve only got a minute, but I gotta get your opinion on (anything relevant to the girl or situation) something–what’s your favorite whiskey: Jameson, Johnny, or Jack?” Then, you can do any number of things: you can push the group for consensus, you can tell a story about the differences between Ireland, Scotland, and the US–you can even talk about how some say the best whisky is made in Japan!

Whatever you say for the opener, you want to tell her/them:

A) I have a reason for being here.

B) I won’t be here long (unless you want me to stay)

BTW, that last part is key. When you’re done with whatever you do, the girls should want you to stay. You don’t have to, and it won’t always happen, but if you’re doing it right it should happen quite a bit.

Because you’re like, fun.

More on that later.

Overall, keep that in mind: you need to make her feel comfortable and put her at ease that she’s not going to be judged for whatever you’re asking her to do. In my mind, this is why two sets are so problematic and probably will never be worth opening. Because there’s almost nothing you can do that makes it OK–she’s with her girlfriend. Even if she likes you, she likes her GF better, or at least has to show more loyalty to her given the social dynamics: it’s super rude for her to take her attention away from her friend and give it to you.

Remember: for women, attention is EVERYTHING. Her entire life is DEDICATED TO GETTING ATTENTION FROM ONE OR MORE PEOPLE.

In a two set, she literally can’t take her attention away from her friend and give it to a man, because that would be a major violation of “girl code.” We say bros before hoes. They say hoes up, players down. This makes no sense if you’re a man, because we’re secure in who we are and we’d be like: cool bro, go get her.

But a girl might freak out and be like: “why’d you talk to that guy? He’s icky. He’s gross. Blah, blah, blah…”

So again, just keep in mind the social dynamics of the situation. You should approach a little bit different in each case: on the street, in a store, at a bar, at a party, etc.

Some men are genuinely annoying, super boring, or dangerous.

That’s really all I have to say about that.

But seriously. If you were a girl, wouldn’t you want to avoid this guy ☝️

I sure as fuck would.

You wonder why girls shit test you? That’s why dummy. And girls have loads of these guys come after them all the time–which is why sliding into her DMs or relying entirely on OLD is dumb: because 98% of the guys doing it are annoying and/or boring and/or dangerous.

On the dangerous point actually, again, think like a girl: you’re smaller, weaker, and slower than he is, if he’s the sort of man you really want. He can easily overpower you and do whatever he wants. So you have to know that he won’t beat the shit out of you. And actually, girls avoid guys who are genuinely annoying or super boring because under the wrong circumstances, they become dangerous.

Same reason, actually, that girls don’t like guys who are the wrong kind of smart.

Think about that and get back to me about why.

Above all else, she wants to be entertained, and that means novelty.

That’s you.

Girls are often pretty boring.

And even if they’re not boring, they need you to bring out their shine.

As Tom Torero says, the girl is your mirror–and if you’re not shining, she won’t.

That can mean telling jokes, telling stories, playing games, smiling–giving her drugs or booze if it’s that kind of night–flirting, teasing, escalating. She wants to be excited and having fun.

Can you do that? Because that’s your North Star.

And if you can manage to be just a slight asshole the whole time–now you’re pitch perfect.

This is why self amusement is a wonderful tactic. It shows her you’re entertained with the world and you have that joie d’vivre I talked about. Remember how I said girls need 50+%? You need 95%.

She needs to feel your joy.

She needs to feel your shine.

You (the guy) will have power/control—can you handle it?

Kind goes along with not liking angry guys, but think about the opposite: she wants CONFIDENCE. She wants you to be BOLD. Time and time again the girls I’ve approached use that word. She wants a guy who can put her at total ease and fuck her brains out.

There are lots of paths to doing that, but however you do it: be BOLD. The bold man is the one who fucks her hard and well.

I don’t agree with Rivelino on the tattoo or Vans or green lines–and I like licking pussy–but I do agree when he says:

Indeed, this is the other side of shit testing. She’s trying to see: ARE YOU BOLD, or a pussy like most guys?

She wants a bold man who will take her bravely, as has been said before. And you need to show her you’re that guy.

GET COACHING IF YOU NEED IT!

Look, you don’t even have to hire me.

Other than the obvious: read the Game. Read Mystery Method. Read The Rational Male. Read 48 Laws of Power. Read Krauser.

Read MOTHERFUCKER.

JUST DO IT.

You could simply record your infields and send them to Lee Cho. You can read his blogs. The Small City post might be the best day game starter I’ve read.

You could hire Thomas Crowne to help you with Day Game. You can read his books.

You could talk to Rob or Rian Stone or Turk and all those Red Pill Bros. Those guys are like my fucking dads for Red Pill shit.

Nash is a fantastic read.

Andy from down under is killing it, blogging and podcasting. He’s probably your best bet for Online Game (I do some as well, but Andy’s the expert).

You can also read RedQuest or Magnum or Breeze or Roy Walker or loads of other guys–go to my twitter and look at my followers: I try to find the guys who are cool and get laid, with as little bullshit and noise as possible.

And, even though I disagree with him somewhat politically (although on many points I’m sure we agree, and it occurs to me maybe we should focus on where we agree vs. where we differ in general), I’ve had many guys say Pat Stedman is excellent. To show I say what I believe in, I want to offer an apology to him for any shit I’ve said in the past, and I wish him the best.

His email is particularly good according to a buddy.

Remember guys, it’s OK to have disagreements and still be men and still be friends. Life is too damn short to do anything other than eat good food, lift fucking weights, and seduce women of beauty. Maybe have a kid or two. Maybe do some mushrooms or go fishing sometimes…

Anyway, I’m sure I’m forgetting lots of other men or women who can help you learn Game. No disrespect meant…again, go to the people I’m following on Twitter. They’re all cool.

But also, if you want help, I happen to do that as well. My clients are all served well, and I’ll say this: if you hire me and you think I suck, you can not only have your money back: you can list your criticisms of me on MY Twitter account.

Assuming you’re not crazy 🤙

Other than that, you’re certainly welcome to read my blog, which is, has been, and always will be: free.

Much love brothers. We’ll see if we can get out of this lockdown. Doing my first day game with a wing this Sunday. To this point I’ve always worked solo. Should be fun.

One comment

Leave a Reply to The Red Quest Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s