Epiphanies are rare and when they happen you should write them down.
Was at the store, and a super hot little chick who’s just my type was checking out at the same time. I opened with a tease about how she looks like a bumblebee, but cuter and hopefully no stinger, and she was like thanks, but clearly didn’t want to talk more.
Fair on her part, although I still think that was a clever open.
But as I was leaving I suddenly had this realization: chicks choose men like kids choose toys. It’s not entirely logical, nor entirely illogical. It’s a bit of both. The cooler the toy, the more kids want to play with it. On the other hand, anyone who has kids knows that some of the toys they like most are stupid and relatively low value given the other toys they have access to. Also this:
Sometimes–if not often–it’s simply about that very access. A kid can only play with the toys she has, right?
Anyway, how does this analogy apply to Game?
- You’re going to get rejected–a lot–because she already has a toy she likes, or she doesn’t like the kind of toy you are, and that’s often entirely arbitrary or primarily about access. She might rather play with a shittier toy because he’s more familiar or there’s some other crazy dynamic. Which is why, especially when doing cold approach, you shouldn’t worry about rejection, because many of the women you meet were never in play in the first place.
- Part of being a cool toy is physical: are you in shape? Do you lift? Are you dressed like an archetype that is attractive to women, and are you peacocking to some degree? Like, part of a toy’s appeal to kids is simply: does it look cool? Does it catch the eye? And if you want to do well in game, you need to be a physical presence that is attractive and catches her eye.
- Once your looks are taken care of, a key point of calibration is figuring out whether she doesn’t like you because she has a cooler toy (or a toy she just likes better), OR because you’re not a cool toy. The reason I’ve had success with women, other than looking the part, is that I’m pretty good at showing myself to be a cool toy (I’m fun, interesting, non-needy, will likely fuck good). But, when I’m not good at showing that, I lose–and to point 1, sometimes even when I do show that, she has another toy she likes better, or just doesn’t want to play.
To return to the metaphor: if a kid doesn’t like a toy–especially a toy that seems cool–wouldn’t you just pass that off as like, this kid’s a dummy? I would. My kid likes some absolutely stupid shit and I don’t argue: I endure. I’m not going to convince him a toy is lame until he figures it out himself.
On the other hand, if EVERY kid hates a particular toy, there’s probably something wrong–it’s not a good toy. In which case, it’s not the child being a dummy–there’s a problem at baseline, and the manufacturer had better deal with it if they’re going to sell more.
For guys this means, either your looks are too far below the women you’re approaching, OR your Game needs to get tighter. And sure, things like race, height, age, etc. can all matter, but none of those things are under our control.
So focus on the things that are: be the best looking version of yourself you can be AND learn Game and seduction and dating strategy.
Unfortunately ladies, you don’t live in Never-Never Land.
The undergirding belief that fosters this whimsy, capriciousness, and choosiness regarding men is that a lot of girls think their love for play and supply of toys is endless.
Here was my response:
Like children, chicks don’t ever think they’re going to run out of toys or find new toys to play with. This is not true on a number of levels, but it strikes me that one of the reasons older women suck when compared with younger women is that they’ve lost their capacity to play, just as children become less enamored with pretend and play as they get older, opting for more realistic, complex stuff, and then forgetting to play entirely.
As most of us know by now: women don’t get less picky as they age, nor more feminine–they tend to get more picky and less feminine, which means even as the wall is approaching and male attention is declining, their expectations for the kind of guy they want are getting higher. This is of course exacerbated by OLD and social media which inflates a woman’s sense of her own attractiveness, probably at least 1-2+ of their actual SMV.
It’s these basic dynamics that led me to predict what I predicted, but you can go read that post if you want.
TL;DR–there’s going to be a realization on the part of women collectively at some point, that high value men are much rarer than they believe, especially with regard to their ability to exit the market–aka get married–and when that happens the dating market should get better for guys…I guess we’ll see.
Fostering that joie d’vivre–Game should be fun, and so should you.
One of the happiest guys I ever knew was my grandfather, who became childlike again when he had grandchildren, after years of being a curmudgeonly asshole (obviously I was told this as I wasn’t around to see that side of him). I don’t mean he was silly or immature, but he played with us and truly pretended and had fun and made believe–it was great–not just for us, but for him too.
As I’ve said, older women often lose this capacity–like strippers and sex workers–sex for them becomes much more transactional and therefore way less fun, because it’s no longer about play and romance and seduction and the joy of sex, but about retainment and ownership and compensation. It’s a miserable way to live, but until women have that red pill moment, I’m going to stick with hotter and younger.
But that shitty attitude can happen to guys too. I mean, there are a lot of guys in the manosphere who’s central theme is “whamen bad,” and then they bang on about tattoos and cherrypicked stories of women behaving horribly.
DO NOT become one of those guys. Women are beautiful and mostly really nice people. They just want to have fun–they really do–until they get too old and forget how. And a hot young chick who wants to enjoy life and have fun, doesn’t want to hang out with a cranky old guy who talks about politics and is miserly.
So as men, we need to both: A) become better toys, and B) put ourselves out there more often. Because, like children, women will not always choose the best toy, nor make the wisest choice of toy–and yet, if you’re the best toy available to her, you have a hell of a lot better chance of being chosen.
Don’t misunderstand: this doesn’t mean being beta or supplicating–I don’t mean that you’re a clown or a fool. That’s not what she wants. All the game I’ve talked about on this blog applies, and to be clear: this is a metaphor. She still needs you to lead and have a strong frame, but the player should also be light hearted, funny, teasing her, and tempting her.
As always, if you struggle with that side of things, please reach out: I can help you. And I know that a lot of people balk at the idea of paying to learn how to get chicks, but my pinned Tweet remains true:
If you don’t hire someone to help you, how are you going to learn. The blog is free and always will be, but a lot of guys simply won’t take action until they have skin in the game and get some real help!