If having sex with girls is the only thing you’re trying to do, you’re doing it wrong.
I haven’t written about this enough, but Game and cold approach can become a black hole if you let it–for that matter, so can OLD if you have good pics/are good looking enough.
There’s a great line in Bull Durham where the young star pitcher Nuke Laloosh is telling Annie Savoy what Crash Davis, his catcher/mentor, told him about women–that the vagina is roughly shaped like a triangle, and that it can become like the Bermuda Triangle: “a man can get lost in there and never be heard from again.”
He goes on to say that getting lost that way can sometimes be a very good thing, but the point here is that if it becomes all consuming, if it goes on too long, you’ll eventually burn yourself down or she’ll leave you–or both. I know, because I’ve done it. And ironically this is true whether you’re getting pussy or not: if that is your one and only focus, you’re going to drive yourself insane.
The reason is very simple: women are ethereal. They are inconstant. They are like the ocean or the moon or nature–there’s a reason Fortune is portrayed as a woman in medieval texts: women are fickle, capricious, emotional…they are also beautiful, soft, comforting, soothing, gentle, kind, sexy and intoxicating. There are very good reasons we work so hard to be with women, and unlike the MGTOWs, here in the Red Pill/Game community, we know that at some base level, we need them in our lives to be complete as men.
But if she or they become the basis for your life, you’re fucked. Because unlike many, if not most things in life, you can work very hard and diligently to get women, or in a relationship with a particular woman, and the results will be like women: inconstant, random, unreliable.
For example, if you go to the gym and lift weights, change your diet, and continue that regimen for six months, I guarantee you’ll be stronger, have bigger muscles, and lower body fat–you will look better, be healthier, and women will be more attracted to you. That’s not an if–it’s a guarantee–and the only person it depends on is you (quick point: this will go better if you hire a trainer or nutritionist–I follow AJ Cortes on Twitter as he seems to know his shit).
The same is true of a lot of jobs: if you work harder, hustle more, find creative solutions to problems, you will get a promotion and/or make more money–also true if you run your own business. And if that’s not true, you need to get a new job or start a new business.
The same is true of education, whether you’re in school or teaching yourself (very few people can do this well, by the way–I’m all for learning on your own by reading and using YouTube and other resources, but most people WILL NOT hold themselves accountable, let alone know where to start or how to direct their learning): if you work harder, you’ll get smarter and have more skills at the end.
The same is true of a lot of in life, and IN THE LONG RUN, it is also true of women. Like, if you learn Game, get fit, and are somewhat socially adept, you’ll eventually get chicks–no doubt about that.
But the outcome will not always equal the effort you’re putting in; the process might be top notch, and yet the results are slow to come–there’s a non-linear relationship between the two, if that makes sense, which is why one of the first posts I wrote was titled: life goes in streaks, and that’s true with women too.
Like, a good way to look at is that there’s a lot of luck in play. If you do this long enough: at times you’ll get super lucky. Twice this year I’ve just happened to open a single girl traveling who was down for a SDL. I also have a very hot young thing I’m seeing on a regular basis who fell into my lap out of the blue through no great work of my own.
On the other hand, I’ve had at least four first dates to nowhere this year, and haven’t done particularly well in cold approach in terms of getting numbers or traction–especially in the past few weeks–whether day or night game.
There are lots of ups and downs, and perhaps because I played baseball, a game of overcoming fear and failure, I’m better prepared to deal with that than most guys.
Anyway, while it’s amazing to be a player, and I’m all for it, YOU NEED A MISSION!
For me it’s been writing. I’ve written two books, I wrote a blog before this one, now I write here, and I’ll write in some form or fashion for the rest of my life. My new passion is coaching–related to game, yes, but ultimately it’s a different thing: I’m helping other guys improve their lives with women, not chasing tail myself (although I still find time to do that too).
I also have hobbies, like fishing, skiing, tennis, camping, cooking, etc.
The point is that you should have other stuff in your life besides chasing after girls, and the truth is, girls will like you a lot better if you do that: it’ll make you a more interesting person to talk to, and you won’t reek of the desperation that clings to guys who, like drug addicts, are always chasing the next score.
On social acuity and what guys can do to learn it.
This may sound harsh, but a lot of guys in this community need to hear it: if you can’t talk to people, don’t have any friends, never read books, spend most of your time on your phone, and don’t have any hobbies or projects or ambition, no amount of studying Game is going to help you.
Become a complete person first–or if not complete, since arguably none of us is ever “complete”–at least become reasonably socially competent.
I can help you with that, for sure, but as I’ve told a few clients who were way behind the curve on this: make friends, develop social skills, and become more confident before you worry about getting chicks–come back in six months and let’s talk more.
Because women are too socially competent to fuck a guy who’s not. And even if she’s not socially competent, she expects social competence from you. Like, unless you’re just way over thinking it (and a lot of guys do: remember, if she likes you it doesn’t matter too much–there’s no perfect text), if you can’t figure out what to text a girl, how in fuck’s name are you going to have enough of a conversation with her to the point where she’s going to want to have sex with you, let alone any sort of relationship?
This is one place where older guys have a massive advantage. For one, being older means we simply have more experience and therefore more social confidence and congruence, but the other scourge we avoided was growing up with the socially crippling effects of smart phones and social media.
So a few points here:
- Get off Twitter and social media–or at least spend a hell of a lot less time there. Stop watching Tik-Tok. Stop scrolling through IG. And If you spend half your day texting your friends nonsense pictures of “look I’m a doggy lol” on SnapChat or playing video games or watching YouTube, you’re a goon. Stop it.
- Start reading. Bored? Cool. Grab a book. Here are a bunch of good ones that relate to Game in one way or another. Why does this help you socially? A) You’ll get better at using the English language (or whatever language you use), and B) you’re reading someone else’s thoughts and/or a story about people, which will help you understand…people. That’s the name of the game bro.
- Make friends. Join a local club, crossfit box, volunteer organization, or hell, just invite some of your coworkers out for the occasional drink. If you can’t do that, again, how in God’s name are you going to have the balls to escalate sexually on a hot girl? A: you’re not.
- Here’s an amazing hack I should charge for but I won’t: pick a local sports team, whether college or pro. Go to the game, or just go to a bar when that team is playing. Wear the team’s jersey. Cheer when they do well. Boo at the refs when there’s a bad call. Bemoan the coaching decisions or lack of talent when they lose. Buy a beer or a shot for some of the guys around you. Trust me, you’ll make friends.
- Practice speaking. Record yourself talking about something–anything–then listen back to it. Or call your mom or dad or friend and have a long conversation with them. Do this often. Start saying hi to people you see on the street or on the bus or at the store instead of burying your nose in your phone. The reason a lot of people have “social anxiety” these days is that they spend precious little of their time talking to other people. So however you do it, find a way to talk to people on a regular basis and have longer conversations.
- Actually, on this point, like reading, listening to podcasts is good, because even though you’re not speaking, you’re listening to how other people speak and think.
- GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM POLITICS. Whether it’s right or left (especially here in the US), the people who talk regularly and passionately about politics are reliably insane, or at least well on their way–unless they’re centrists…and centrists don’t bother that much with politics these days because we’re normal and are going about the business of living our lives. Anyway, avoid.
As always, if you’re having trouble, hit me up for a coaching call and I can give you some other tips and point you in the right direction. In point of fact, coaching itself is a good way to increase social acuity.
And trust me, if you need to develop that for awhile as opposed to trying to talk to girls, I’ll tell you.
On looks matching and some thots on OLD.
Like social acuity, I sometimes wonder if a lot of guys in the Game community simply have standards that are way to high compared to what they’re bringing to the table.
Now, let me state very clearly that the textbook definition of game is dating girls who are at or above your SMV–or as Krauser says: hotter, younger, tighter. This is why I’m generally not a huge fan of OLD: because even with very good pictures, most guys aren’t going to match with a girl who’s at or above their own SMV–at least not without some kind of hack.
We’re going to come back to OLD however, so don’t take that as me throwing shade, because dating apps can be VERY useful if you do it right and you understand what you’re doing. More in a bit.
To come back to looks however, understand guys: if you’re an overweight 36 year old man who has no clear archetype and doesn’t peacock and can’t hold much of a conversation, like, you’re NEVER going to touch a hot girl in her early 20s. Probably not even a hot girl in her late 20s or early 30s.
Game works, but it isn’t magic.
Women date up, not down, and that’s more true than ever with the distortionary effects of social media and dating apps. So if you want to date hot girls: true 7s and 8s, whatever their age, they need to perceive you as being high value, and unless you want to go the straight provider route of throwing a lot of cash around, that means being extremely fit and having your fashion and style in order.
The good news is that any guy can do this: go to the gym, eat better, buy fashionable clothes, have some cool accessories and/or tats, etc. Again, I can definitely help point you in the right direction on this stuff if you need help. But until you look and sound like a baller, be realistic about the sort of girl you’re going to pull. Chicks are picky these days, which means your shit needs to be on point.
This brings us back to OLD: IF you have your fitness taken care of, and IF you have your style/archetype down, then you can match -1 to 0 of your SMV on the dating apps, provided:
- You have excellent photos.
- You work hard to source leads.
- You try different apps and are willing to pay for some services.
I know I shit on OLD a lot on Twitter and here on the blog, but truth be told, here’s what happens with a lot of my clients: we have one or two calls, I share my PDFs with them, including the one on how to set up your dating apps and what kinds of pictures to put on your profile, then they match with girls -1 to 0 of their SMV, they get laid, maybe even a girlfriend, and then they don’t want/need anymore coaching.
And you know what? That is TOTALLY FINE!
Learning cold approach isn’t for everyone. It’s really hard, and it’s scary–at least when you first start out. Like, if you want to consistently do well with super hot women–those true 7s, 8s, and 9s–then you need to learn day game and/or night game, unless you have a tremendous social circle (although in that case you’re almost certainly not reading this blog).
But for a lot of guys, they’re perfectly happy to be getting laid by 6s and the occasional 7, and again, there’s nothing wrong with that. Assuming fitness and fashion, plus great photos, plus the willingness to grind it out a bit on the apps, guys can do OK on OLD. Not great, but OK.
Like the social acuity and the archetype/fashion/peacocking, I can help you. Hit me up for a free call and you can decide if you want to work with me. As mentioned above, a lot of guys use me for a call or two, I point them in the right direction, then they start getting laid, easy peasy. Other guys who are on a different journey and truly want to understand Game, cold approach, and seduction, will want to a longer have an ongoing relationship, but it’s up for each guy to decide what he wants to get out of it.
If you want free, actionable help, check out this blog and scroll to the end, where I list some of the top blog posts for learning game, as well as a bunch of other places to find resources.
As always, thanks for the support and reading my brothers! Good luck out there!