Pep talk for player: flaking, lifting, and other musings.

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The most frustrating aspect of modern Game is the high rate of flakes: flakes are especially frustrating to novices, but flaking happens to all of us–even top-level players.

Assuming he’s not paying them or doesn’t have some strange advantage (like a coke dealer who happens to work security a few nights at a strip club), any guy who’s having sex with more than four to five girls a year is getting flaked on A TON! Guys with great social circles, guys who are rich, guys who are jacked, guys with badass IGs–even guys who are semi-famous. Are they also getting laid? Sure, but the point I’m trying to hammer home is that if you are getting laid with some regularity, then by definition you are getting flaked on with even greater regularity. The number of girls who reply to texts, show up for a date, and fuck, is always going to be far less than the number who flake.

To illustrate this point, let’s consider a super hot, 29 year old male 9 with 10% body-fat who’s a tik-tok influencer. His DMs are flooded with hot chicks who want to go out with him. But guess what? When he goes to set up dates with girls who follow him and opened HIM (because ultimately, guys are the ones who have to move things forward), some aren’t even going to reply. Of the ones who do, some large percentage aren’t going to show up. Some will flake because he’s too famous. Some will flake because they think he’ll pump and dump them. Some will flake because they don’t feel good that day or are too nervous. And some other portion will flake because they’re stupid and that’s what girls DO. So, even a guy who’s basically as high value as there is to hot, young chicks is going to get flaked on–and it has nothing to do with him, it’s all about them.

With dating apps and smartphones, we accept that this is the way it is; after all, until she shows up in person for a date, she’s just a picture on the internet. Where it gets a little more heart wrenching is cold approach. You had a great conversation with a super cute girl that took a lot of guts and confidence on your part. You get the number and you think you’ve gotten somewhere—except she never responds. In contrast to some 2d OLD profile, she’s implicitly rejecting the real you, which feels like a kick in the nuts. I know it’s going to happen and yet it’s still painful! It’s hard not to make it about you, even when you know it’s about her.

Let’s put this in perspective:

  1. Most girls are nice people–maybe fake nice–but nice enough and polite even when they have no interest. So some percent of the numbers you get aren’t really numbers at all: it’s her being polite and deflecting because she doesn’t know how to say no and has been socialized to defer to men.
  2. Attractive women have tons of options, at a scale most men would struggle to imagine. They get more attention than they know what to do with. For her, it might simply be that she’s busy and has other options with people she knows better. Red Quest has been in situations where he has too many girls around and he inadvertently drops some, as it seems has Nash and some of the other strongest players. I’ve had a few fleeting moments like that myself, although it’s been the exception not the rule–the term in game for is: girl tornado. But for a pretty girl, it’s like that ALL THE TIME. Everyday, 24/7.
  3. In day game you’re a random guy on the street, and with OLD you’re a picture: if she has a choice between hanging out with family or friends and you, she’s probably choosing the former. Again, not a knock on you, it’s actually healthy behavior.
  4. Younger women are surprisingly lazy (a lot of guys are too, but we’re not trying to fuck men–if you are: wrong website), and for them, a date requires a large up front investment: she’s got to get dressed up, do her makeup, and activate all her charm and sociability (which for smart phone, social media addicted girls is a hell of a performance)…often only to end up out to drinks with a guy who’s a huge goon! She also knows that on a date with a desirable man, he’ll be evaluating her, and the easiest way not to be evaluated is to not try. Sometimes when it comes to going out and meeting a new guy vs. sitting at home playing on her phone and collecting likes on IG or Tik-Tok while some half-paid-attention-to show streams along in the background, she’ll choose the latter, because it’s easy, and emotionally safe. Life is a choice between comfort and value. Men–at least high quality men–choose value, because we have to. Women mostly choose comfort, because their value is…well, we all know the answer to that.

Millennials and Gen Z—despite constantly being told by society that they’re strong, powerful, independent go getters—are the most passive, disaffected, aimless group of women to exist, probably ever (their mothers and forbearers at least had to do the work to gain them the freedom they now waste). They’ve fallen into the pool of narcissus that is social media, swallowed the idea they shouldn’t want to get married or have children (or at least not until it’s much too late for that to be an easy/viable path), and bought into a larger culture that encourages them to adopt a masculine attitude and aura that their feminine minds and spirits can’t effectively manifest. In 10-15 years, we’re going to look back–just like with the current trans-panic we’re now indulging–and ask: WTF did we do to our girls? They’re passive consumers, not active creators and producers. In the modern age of peak feminism and female empowerment–where we tell chicks they can do anything a man can do–women are demonstrating now more than ever that they are NOT capable or apt enough to live like men and fulfill similar expectations of agency and independence. Why would they? They don’t have to.

However, you and I have zero ability to change that. 

In The Fellowship of the Ring, Frodo says to Gandalf:  “I wish it need not have happened in my time,” and Gandalf replies: “So do I. And so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”

Girls are going to flake. It’s what they do. But the good news is that women have never been more sexually liberated and adventurous. The answer to flaking is always the same…keep talking to more women. Keep sourcing women from OLD and social media and cold approach. Build your social circle. Continue working on your SMV.

In The Slight Edge (great book btw), the author tells the story of two frogs caught in a cup filled with cream–too deep to find purchase and jump out, edges too high to climb. The first frog, in despair, sinks to the bottom and dies. The second frog keeps kicking and kicking and kicking and eventually turns the cream into solid butter and hops out. 

Be the second frog: if you keep generating leads, keep talking to girls, keep going on dates, eventually you will find purchase, build abundance, and wake up one day to find that you have lots of girls who are interested in you, several regulars, and a bench. I’ve slept with far more girls by trying than I would have by not trying. Eventually I will find one who will go to sex clubs with me, like some of Red Quest’s best partners went to sex clubs with him, and we’ll unlock sexual Valhalla. Red Quest and Xbtusd have shown me it’s possible: those deeper game levels are even more astounding than I would have guessed, pre-game. 

And still: some of your regulars and girls on your deep bench will flake! Because they’re girls, and that’s what they do.

Girls often complain that guys ghost and flake too, and from time to time we do. But the level and degree to which it happens isn’t comparable, and generally this happens because the guy has a much higher SMV than her. A hypergamous woman can’t see this. The data from numerous surveys and studies shows this. We also know that 99% of the time, guys are responsible for moving things forward: asking for the number, texting, making a date request, etc.! We can’t know the true numbers, but I’d bet girls flake/ghost 50 times more often than men do.

Get in the gym!

If you don’t have big, defined muscles–particularly arms, chest, shoulders, and back–you’re leaving lays on the table. “Big” will vary by guy: super slender guys might get more defined and modestly bigger, but big muscles are to women what big tits are to guys. Feminists and SJWs and the trans-brigade can tweet and post blogs and memes all they want about how big guns are a sign of toxic masculinity, but girls prefer buff guys. Nothing I can tell a man will stop him from being attracted to women with big tits or a nice ass, and that’s the same for chicks when they see a guy who’s jacked.

This is what works for me. If you want to do something else, by all means go for it, but whatever you do for a routine: lift often, lift heavy, and make sure to eat lots of beef, eggs, butter, leafy greens, and supplement with zinc and magnesium. You can also add DHEA if you want (precursor to testosterone). Note: I’m not a doctor, personal trainer, or nutritionist. Consider the above information I’m passing along.

Stop second guessing yourself when it comes to female behavior.

I see guys wrack their brains and go neurotic when girls don’t text back, ghost after a date or a lay, etc. This is the sign of a scarcity mindset. We can’t know why. Chicks are random.  

Now, if you’re continuing to get a flake rate dramatically higher than other men of your skill level (and you should be tracking this), then it’s crucial to examine what you’re doing–this is why it’s so useful to have a coach, like me (or someone else if you prefer), who’s been there, done that, and can help you calibrate what you’re doing, whether texting, cold approach, or on a date. 

Ultimately, if she’s interested–sees you as a high value guy and finds you attractive–she’ll reply to texts and come out. If she doesn’t, then she’s just not that into you. Or she’s just a super flaky, random ass girl. Who knows? 

Regardless, the answer is always the same: go talk to more women. Get more leads. Go on more dates. Increase your SMV. Become a higher quality man.

One small, but effective thing you can do is seeding the date. It’s actually a simple but powerful way of demonstrating higher value. For a girl, there’s a subtle, but notable difference between a guy who says, “let’s get a drink,” and a guy who says, “I know this amazing wine bar where they do these cool tasting flights–let’s check it out.” The latter is suggesting he’s a guy who’s in the know; a guy who does cool things and has some level of knowledge and sophistication. So if you can, whether in texting or on the approach, seed the date.

Otherwise, stop beating yourself up! Chill out and don’t spend a bunch of time worrying about girl behavior–it’s pointless

Stop being a crazy political junky and conspiracy theorist.

Red Quest has posited that a lot of guys don’t really care that much about getting laid, and I tend to agree, though I think there are some reasonable explanations for why that is.

Many guys in the larger game community have become infected with Politics: they spend too much time online and too little time in the real world. If I was ready to swallow the red pill only to see a bunch of anti-vax maniacs tweeting about how you can’t have children with a woman who’s vaccinated or that COVID is a hoax or that Bill Gates is creating bug men, or whatever other fucking bullshit theories I see floating around on Red Pill twitter, I would have said, “fuck this noise–what does any of this have to do with becoming a better man or getting laid?”

A: nothing.

And I’d say the same thing if I saw a bunch of SJW type tweets about how sex/gender is a construct and CRT and “whiteness” and all that noise, only thank God that nonsense isn’t part of our community. When girls spout SJW nonsense, ignore it, change the subject, and focus on fucking them. 

Two more points:

  1. Hot girls don’t want to date guys who are political maniacs. Girls want to have fun, and politics isn’t fun. Guess who watches Fox News and listens to Right Wing Talk Radio all day? Bitter, cranky old men. Do you want to think like a bitter, cranky old man? Do you think girls want to date them? I should hope the answer is no to the first question, and I know for a fact it’s no on the second.
  1. Beating your chest about politics on Twitter is pointless and makes you WORSE as a guy, not better. Just like women who show their ass on IG for false validation, tweeting about politics is completely worthless. The true poison of social media is that it feels like you’re doing something useful. But you’re not. Now, on occasion it’s fun to tweet and bitch and shit post on Twitter–hell, I do it too. But I find myself spending less and less time on Twitter, partially because I’m tired of seeing stupid ass takes on politics from people who are clearly deluded and tribal, but mostly because it’s NOT A GOOD USE OF MY TIME. I’d rather write, read, lift, pursue my mission, or go talk to more girls. Real change happens in the real world. Act accordingly.

The Red Pill is about discovering the truth of the world and then developing strategies to navigate the world based on that truth to live our best lives: namely being masculine men who have lives full of women and peak experiences. When you start adopting tribal political views and spend a ton of time worrying about politics, you limit your ability to see the truth as well as retarding progress in becoming a better man. Usually “better” means “fucks more.” Again, act accordingly.

If you want to put your thumb on the scale politically, go run for office or volunteer to help a cause or candidate. Your tweets and “hot takes” are pointless, and you’re not convincing anyone who doesn’t already agree with you.


  1. > Keep talking to more women. Keep sourcing women from OLD and social media and cold approach. Build your social circle. Continue working on your SMV.
    This used to be somewhat discouraging to me, when I was a virgin. “You mean I have to keep trying, through all this failure?” Of course, the answer is yes. And it worked.
    Now, it’s a hopeful message. I know it works, even if I’m in a dry spell, to just keep trying. We never know how close we are to succeeding, even if it looks hopeless. For all those who’ve tried their hand at video games, it’s like searching for diamonds via mining; they’re all around us, even when we can’t see them. The only way to beat the odds is to keep looking.


  2. After my first 100 day game cold approaches, I thought exactly the quote you just referenced from LOTR. Great stuff. Learning game is a brutal thankless task. But if you can push through it, it gives you an iron resolve and the ability to laugh in the face of the harshest rejections, in all facets of your life. And it will give you a razor sharp social sense. Soon YOU will be the one rejecting women. The highest form of DHV.


  3. Thin and ripped here (5’11, 170lbs) and couldn’t agree with you more on fitness being really important. I learned a while back that being bold and fit helps with closing.

    A few years back I had a woman over after shooting pool and we were getting heavy. She stops and tells me this is going too fast for her and “it’s getting late”. I replied with “That’s cool, we can stop.” and then proceed to take my shirt off and with a big smile say “or you could stay and fuck me”.

    Since then that works about 70% of the time – at least in the before times. Some, I continued to see for a while, others play games (and get subsequently dropped) and some just aren’t a good fit chemistry wise.

    Thanks for reinforcing not to second guess yourself. The pandemic has skewed with the dating dynamic, my own calibration and it’s hard not to get inside your own head. It’s reassuring to know that others are feeling it too.

    Liked by 1 person

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