“It’s a funny thing, the more I practice the luckier I get.”Arnold Palmer
Love this quote (think I’ve referenced it before a few times), which was Palmer’s reply when critics said his success was mostly due to luck. An absurd allegation when you think about it, but a common refrain from haters of all stripes. We see it in this community as well: the black pillers who say the only guys who can get laid are jacked Chads who happened to win the genetic lottery, or that players like yours truly are simply “getting lucky–in the right place at the right time.”
But luck, as Seneca, the famous Roman Senator and stoic once said, “is when preparation meets opportunity.” And honestly, with women, those opportunities are rare, and thus can appear to guys who don’t do this very often to be a matter of random chance. Only it’s not.
Last night I talked to a girl at a bar for five minutes, got her number since we were leaving, and texted my usual: “hey nice meeting you,” on the ride home. I’ve done this hundreds of times, and in point of fact, the most common response is nothing. I never hear from or see the girl again. But that’s the way it goes right? Any guy who does a lot of cold approach, or hell, even a lot of OLD, knows that most girls are going to flake, ghost, not come out on a date, or some combination thereof. This doesn’t mean the player isn’t running good game or isn’t attractive, it’s simply the reality with women: most girls aren’t going to sleep with most guys most of the time.
But if you talk to enough girls, some of them will come out, right? Indeed, some of them will text you back that same night an hour later, ask what you’re doing, and then come over when prompted–like what happened last night for me. There’s too much identifying information for both of us for me to share the full conversation, but here’s how it started.
50 minutes later she was in my apartment, and about 15 minutes after that we were going to pound town. Was that lucky? In the moment, fuck yeah, I felt like I struck gold. But if we look at what happened, it wasn’t luck: it was preparation meeting opportunity. An opportunity that I created and was prepared for:
- I wouldn’t have talked to her if I hadn’t made my client, who I’ll call Ace Money (kid’s young, but he’s good looking, fit, great smile, and he’s been crushing it this year–only going to get better), go talk to a girl who gave him a massive IOI as we were walking from one end of the bar to the other.
- The girl from last night was her friend, so as he was talking to the other girl (who turned out to be an ice queen), I ran my game and number closed.
- Instead of waiting to text, I always text shortly after I get the number. I want the girl to remember me and how I made her feel in the moment, and the closer that moment is to me regaining her attention, the better chance I have of success. This isn’t the 2000s–in the era of the smart phone, we want things immediately; if you wait, she’s just going to find some swinging dick on Tinder.
- When she replied “where are you,” I knew it was time to escalate and see if she’d come out. Was I tired? Did I want to go to bed? Was it kind of a Hail Mary? Sure, all of that, but I also know from experience that some number of girls go out because they want to hook up that same night. Last night I was that guy, and she was that girl.
- Obviously, my game was strong enough in that five minutes of talking to her that she was willing to get an Uber to my apartment at 1:30 in the morning.
- I just moved to an apartment much close to downtown. Logistics! If I had been living in the burbs still, there’s no way this pull can happen.
- When she got there, I escalated immediately and kissed her, then proceeded from there. I didn’t fuck around waiting for a sign. I didn’t ask permission. I simply made the move confidently and without hesitation. She didn’t come over to talk philosophy, right?
- This entire year I’ve been working on my fitness–still working on getting both stronger and leaner, but I look good right now: I have relatively low body fat and big, defined muscles. My SMV is as high as it’s been in a long time–lots of IOIs last night, and it obviously helped with this girl too.
- I took some sildenafil (Viagra) when she confirmed she was coming, as I’d had a few drinks and didn’t want to have any issues with ED. Typically I don’t need to, but with some booze and particularly with a new girl, it’s perfectly natural to get in your head a bit. Why not just nip that in the bud?
- I had a condom in my bedside drawer, which she asked for right as we were about to fuck.
I should add that I also could’ve not gone out in the first place because of the goddamn mask mandate that’s been reinstated since the COVID vaccine has become a political football and Delta, blah, blah, blah–but I didn’t, because I also knew that the girls who were out would be risk takers who didn’t care (selection bias), and predicted accurately that as soon as people got inside the bars the masks would come off and no one would give a shit.
The lesson here is that with girls, opportunities are BY NATURE going to be rare, but if you’re prepared when the opportunity arises you’ll stand a damn good chance of fucking a fair number of them, which leads me to the next point:
Just. Keep. Going.
Game isn’t easy. It’s a skill set that takes a lot of time, patience, calibration, and both theoretical and applied learning to master. It also involves a hell of a lot of failure–part of the reason I was so prepared last night and had my logistics nailed down properly is because I KNOW what it’s like when that’s not the case and it usually ends in not getting laid. Failure is the greatest teacher–don’t be afraid to fail. Embrace it and LEARN.
But when it comes to Game, the simple fact is that MOST GUYS don’t have the chops to stick with it, don’t care enough to put in the time and effort, and/or give up because the level of difficulty/barrier to entry is high. I’m continually astonished by the number of guys in the Red Pill and Manosphere who tweet endlessly, consume every blog and YouTube on game they can find, and then don’t do jack shit. They won’t hire a coach, don’t approach enough girls, refuse to make adjustments, etc. I’m even more amazed by the number of clients, either mine or working with other coaches I’ve talked to, who quit, give up, or disappear.
Understand, that’s not a value judgment. I’m not saying any of the guys I’ve just described are bad or flawed or whatever other thing we might say–this isn’t for everyone. But I’m also of the belief that if you really care about something you should do everything you can to make it happen. And if you’re not willing to do that–if you’re not willing to push through the fear and the failure and the self doubt, if you’re not willing to do the work in the gym, change your diet, and most importantly, go talk to more girls when all else fails, then the chance of having much success is pretty grim. And perhaps it’s time to admit you don’t really care that much.
On the other hand, if you never quit–if you just keep going–success is all but guaranteed. Today I was telling another player who’s been frustrated lately that any guy can do this. And it’s TRUE! If you get fit, have some fashion sense, style, and swagger, you’re in the game with most chicks out there–doesn’t matter if you’re short, bald, old, etc. I’ve been on this earth for four fucking decades now, and last night I was talking to smoke show 23 year olds–the girl last night was 22, by the way. If I can do it, there’s no reason you can’t.
But there are certain non-negotiables:
- You have to be fit. Seems to me like 15% BF is the magic number–if you can get there or below, you should have a good shot with most girls. As I tell my clients, thin and ripped > size, but obviously if you can have both, that’s the ideal.
- You have to dedicate the time it will take to run the numbers game. If you’re only approaching a few girls a week and casually using OLD, it’s going to be hard to gain traction. As I said above, opportunities with chicks are rare: many of the hot ones are going to have boyfriends or be unavailable or not open to fucking you for myriad reasons that aren’t worth worrying about.
- You need to be actively learning AND more importantly, being held accountable. Obviously I’m biased because I’m Game Coach, but this is probably the biggest reason guys fail–they don’t have anyone to hold them accountable, and they can’t do it themselves. The only reason I was able to do it without a coach is because I’m a fucking crackhead and have a lot of advantages in my past such as bartending, playing baseball (a game of conquering fear and failure), waiting tables, being a writer and storyteller, as well as being a massive extrovert.
- How you dress in terms of having an archetype, peacocking, etc., is a must. This is the easiest thing to fix, but something too many guys neglect or don’t understand.
- Never quit, and be willing to DO THE WORK.
Seems to me, however, if you can do those five things, the sky’s the limit. And, by the way, bros can keep coming at me telling me night game sucks, but it didn’t suck last night when I was having sex with hot and young while most guys were in bed long after jerking off.