How to keep a girl coming back–Festival Girl FR 3.0

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After we’d fucked twice on our dinner date, Festival Girl let me know what she was looking for: “if this is just casual, I’m not into that.” Given that she’s attractive, very sexual, and we have a strong connection, I told her that it’s not just casual for me, though we’ve not  agreed to a formal arrangement…yet. However, I wanted to communicate to her that I understand what she’s saying and why she’s saying it. “Not casual” is itself a phrase with a lot of wiggle room, too. 

The manosphere is full of guys who claim they spend zero money, treat girls like shit, and have girls falling all over themselves to fuck them and suck their dicks, blah, blah, blah. That’s bullshit, and guys who talk like that are either not getting laid or not interacting with women in a meaningful way. Women don’t spend time with men who don’t value them or bring value (that’s as redpill as it gets). If you want to retain a woman for a longer term relationship, the value exchange must be reciprocal.

So I set up a third date with Festival Girl where we were going to spend the whole day together: a scenic drive to a scenic place, some wine tasting, sightseeing, and general chick crack stuff. The plan and date paid off massively. 

We immediately fucked when she arrived at my place. I love that this girl is down to get down with zero hesitation, shame, or drama. The best girls appreciate being fucked thoroughly and often. Then we hit the road. She’s very responsive to touch and wanted my hand on her leg for nearly the entire ride, which I enjoyed–not matter how stoic we try to be, we all need that human touch. We had long, silly conversations: dream places to live (mine were Austin or NYC, hers was Vancouver), crazy food combinations that were actually good (peanut butter, jelly, and cheese sandwiches, peanut butter in chili, whether pineapple was good on pizza—the correct answer is yes), favorite podcasts, we even ended up talking a little politics, which seemed to go ok because we mostly agreed, although I steered us off before too long. I told her what I do and how it’s my dream to do coaching full time, unconstrained by the mask of pseudonymity, and she was super into it! 

When we reached our destination, we grabbed a drink at a popular local place and made friends with a few of the people hanging out there. We went for a walk near the river, made out a bit on the beach, and finally grabbed some food, which we ate on the waterfront. The fall weather was perfect. Fun days with minimal conflict are hard to describe, because most of us gravitate to conflict, and this FR is mostly free of it. 

After eating, we drove up the valley, fall colors blazing alongside of the highway, to another cool spot. No mushrooms, sadly, not even a microdose, although I can imagine taking Festival Girl with me to go mushroom foraging and fucking like animals on the forest floor. We grabbed another drink on picnic benches, mountains looming like monsters in the distance, as beautiful a place as you can spend time–and with a beautiful girl, even better. I mentioned that I should teach her to play cribbage, at which she suggested–let’s go back to your place. 

On the way back, she gave me road head and I finished in her mouth—one of my favorite things ever. So hot. Then we talked about our sexual fantasies and experiences. She’s open to threesomes, sex parties, BDSM, role play, and everything between. Have I found my Ms. Slav

I’m excited not just for myself, but for both of us. I get to spend time with a beautiful chick I can explore my kinks with, and she gets a strong, dominant man who can make those things happen. It’s a win-win situation, something guys need to think about more in their game. Is being with you a win for the girl? If not, she’s not going to stick around (too many women don’t understand that the reverse is also true–is she’s not a win for the guy, sayonara).

The basic misunderstanding about “Game,” or what some people call “pick up,” is that it’s a ruse—that somehow the guy is tricking women into sleeping with him. It’s about canned lines and routines. It’s not organic. Some of those things are useful as scaffolding when guys first start learning how to improve with women. A guy starting from nothing needs structure. For example, I like the Cube because it’s good to fall back on if the conversation starts to stall. Great art begins with imitation and ends with improvisation. Routines and their ilk will always have their place in game.

True game relies on the man having real value, and learning how to wield it. His delivery is confident. His style is sexy. He’s able to lead, escalate, and make things happen. He’s fit, strong, muscular. And when they end up in bed he fucks her passionately and hard–hopefully he makes her come or begins to learn how that works for her (girls vary in what they like). It’s incredibly rare to end up sleeping with a woman far above the value you’re bringing to her–which is why it’s so hard to game true 8s and 9s. Those girls have access to a world of value most guys can barely imagine. They’re rarely single, and they’re unlikely to fuck until they’re assured of a guy’s value.

Many of the guys who hire me do much better with women in a fairly short period of time (not all, and this isn’t a knock on those guys—we all start at different levels). On the intake call, we take an honest assessment of his value and then work together to determine how to increase that value over time on subsequent calls. Part of that is improving his game or how to effectively communicate his value to women, the other part is a holistic look at his life: style, purpose, fitness, fashion, etc. Whatever his weaknesses, once we address them and increase his value, being more successful with women comes –he is, after all, more valuable to them. Most guys aren’t actively doing to increase their value, so when they start, they get a big beginner boost. 

Game is valuable to women because women want to be with a guy who’s fun and sexy and most importantly, can make things happen. Game teaches us to disarm a woman’s defenses and be our best selves: it allows us to pass shit tests, be outcome independent, and reduce our insecurities. We can raise her buying temperature by storytelling, as well as flirting, teasing, and spiking–two PDFs all my active clients will get access to in the next week or so. Too many guys forget: chicks want to fuck! But they want to get there in a way that’s smooth and calibrated. 

One of my struggles as a player is retaining girls longer than a ONS or a few bangs. Part of that is that many of my recent lays have come from women who have been short term visitors or have other circumstances that made a longer term relationship infeasible (like a married Israeli girl). But there are girls I should have retained. Why didn’t I? My guess is that they didn’t see me as having long term value. They saw the player, a short term roll in the hay with a fuckboi. And that’s why I’ve started doing things differently, moving to a two-date model instead of trying to pull immediately. Being focused on the experience, rather than seeing interactions with women as a binary—fucking or not fucking.

With Festival Girl, it seems the internal changes have led to a connection that made her interested in seeing me on a longer-term basis. Hopefully, she’ll stick around and we can create a world of abundance together. I’m excited to explore with her—we are each other’s ticket into the world of sex clubs and non-monogamy. I’ll still be gaming other girls, unless we reach a point where I want to make a defined commitment. It seems like we’re both interested in a monogamish open relationship (couple swaps and/or threesomes). Having a regular I’m excited about is huge, almost as huge as her perfect tits, and it’s one way to get off the hamster wheel players often experience; numbers, numbers, numbers, hustle, hustle, hustle, rinse and repeat.

So far Festival Girl is SUPER HQ: she’s not on social media, she can hold a conversation, and she brings a lot to the table in terms of sexual energy and femininity. She reminds me why I love cold approach—meeting cool girls like her is much more likely through day/night game than online, to the extent it can happen online at all. By definition, she’s out in the world—which means she enjoys getting out of the house, doing fun things, and is open to meeting guys IRL. Meeting her out means you also have an excellent chance to demonstrate value, unlike online, where hot Chads are a dime a dozen. An approach done well puts you in a league of your own. Sure, she may still flake, because that’s the nature of the modality (many women give a number in the moment, but flake or won’t come out simply because the interaction was too short to make her feel comfortable, or any number of other reasons), but in person you are not a commodity. You were BOLD and had the balls to approach her IRL, it makes you a man of action, which separates you from the men who only wish they could make things happen. Girls like men of action, not boys on smartphones. 

A few other lessons I’ve learned getting to know FG better:

  1. Chicks are random and therefore, to some degree, so is success: she told me, “had I met you at a lot of other times, I just wouldn’t have replied to your text and ghosted.” She also said she thought about flaking on date number two (btw, she didn’t because she said the confidence I displayed on date one made her very attracted to me), which would have made the relationship we have now improbable, because once a girl flakes it kills the momentum and makes her more likely to flake again, even if only out of embarrassment. In part, I was lucky, but luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity. The more girls you approach and the stronger your game, the more likely you are to have success and run into one who’s open to connection.
  2. She claims a lot of women who are on IG and Tik-Tok are doing it out of insecurity (which is why she’s not on there), not narcissism, which I buy to some degree. Those apps create an attention addiction, women feel like they have to compete with themselves to get more attention or else she might question her attractiveness. A huge percentage of chicks, even some of the hottest ones, are deeply insecure despite being very good looking. Some also fear that guys only like them for their looks. 
  3. Girls don’t care about a lot of shit you think they might care about when they’re into you. She didn’t care about my age (she’s 28, I’m 40). She didn’t care that I’m a divorced father. She didn’t care that I’m a dating/relationship coach (she thinks I’m Hitch though, not RPD). As long as you hold your frame, the things we might fear women will reject us for don’t actually matter.

The future is unknowable, but I’m optimistic with this one. I’ve slept with a fair number of women in the past two years but apart from one girl, I’ve been missing some peak experiences. So far, Festival Girl has been that, and I’m loving the feeling.

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