Texting Guide 2.0: don’t overthink it…GET HER OUT!

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If you obey the following three principles when texting women, you’ll be fine:

  1. Get her out, get her out, get her out!
  2. Text her like a normal person.
  3. Don’t overdo it.

Some of the most common questions I get from clients: 

  • What should I text next? 
  • Is there any way to salvage/revive this lead?
  • What is she saying here/what does this mean?

I’m happy to answer of course–one of the more underrated benefits of my coaching service is that I’m available to answer questions of exactly this sort and give spot/set piece advice via text, email, or telegram in short order. However, I often end up giving the same sort of advice, albeit as specific as I can given the level of detail I get from the guy. 

Most common: get her out. Not sure what to text her next? Assuming you’ve had even a minimal number of back and forth (two to three-ish, as in you’ve text her twice and she’s replied twice), shoot her a date request.

Next: text her like a normal person. Ask her how her day/weekend is going–show interest in what she is doing. Tell her what you’re doing. Reference what you were doing or talked about when you met. If you’re on OLD, comment on her bio or one of her pictures. Send her a beautiful picture or funny meme/GIF.

The above is a good example with Feral girl, the chick I stupidly fucked after Fest Girl. I asked her how her weekend was, told her about what I did (because I’m a normal person), then went for the date request (get her out!). Note: she didn’t end up coming out right away because she was busy, but that happens! Girls are sometimes actually busy, just like you are–or should be from time to time if you’re a man on his mission. If she can’t come out for a week or more, text her sporadically; with Fest Girl, I texted her every one to two days–same thing I did with Feral Girl, and eventually they both came out. What did I text? Normal shit. I asked about what they were doing, told them what I was doing, sent the occasional pic or GIF or meme…and then I’d give them long breaks of radio silence.

To this point, if you’ve asked her out and texted like a normal person, don’t overdo it. Text her randomly: sometimes immediately, other times waiting up to six to eight hours to reply. Even with Fest Girl, who is now my girlfriend, I only text her once or twice a day, and I often wait for her to text me first. Texting too often gives the impression your not doing anything important, or that you’re obsessed with her, both of which are going to be turn offs. In addition, a lack of communication, or even a long break between texts, allows some mystery to remain in terms of where you are and what you are doing, which is a very good thing.

Mistakes to avoid:

  • Going radio silent for more than two days. For example, if you have a date with a girl on Saturday, and it’s currently Monday, you should text her a couple times in between…because that’s what a normal person would do.
  • Asking too many questions. Some number of questions are fine, but just as on a date, we don’t want to make the girl feel like she’s having an interview or under interrogation. We want to deliver value in the form of attention, fun, confidence, and sexiness, both in person and to the extent it’s possible, via text. It’s difficult to do this by asking questions.
  • Texting about boring stuff. She doesn’t care about your job, zoom meetings, or chores. Again, we want to convey value–a lot of life is mundane, which is fine, but don’t tell the girl about it. You want to show her your wins, share life’s funny quirks, and show social IQ and proof through pictures and descriptions of you doing cool shit.
  • Texting too much in terms of volume. You texts should be fairly short and sweet. The occasional longer one is fine if you’re telling a story or explaining something that requires some detail, but if your date request is a fucking paragraph, you’re doing it wrong. Keep it simple: “Hey let’s grab a drink on Tuesday or Thursday at 7.”
  • Too many emojis, or none at all. Of the two, the latter is probably fine, but you’re missing an opportunity to create a connection to her world and show emotion, especially humor. Chicks use emojis all the time, so throw in the occasional winking, laughing, or appropriately themed emoji, so long as it doesn’t involve hearts or you being sad (unless being sad is funny).

Overall, the biggest problem guys have with texting is overthinking it. Because if she likes you and wants to come out, she’s going to respond so long as you don’t ask her over to see your knife collection, or something similarly fucking weird or scary (again, see rule #2, be normal). And texting is a shitty medium for communication. Guys read into text messages far too much and too often, as if sifting through the verbiage is going to yield some benefit. Allow me to make it easy for you: it won’t. So, assuming you’ve followed the three rules above–get her out, be normal, let it breathe–instead of worrying about the fact she’s not texting back and wracking your brain to figure out what different set of texts would have gotten her out, as Nash says: GO TALK TO MORE GIRLS!

Internalize this: there is no perfect set of texts or any sort of magical text that is going to get every girl out. Why? Because some girls just aren’t going to come out, ever, no matter what you text, and there’s nothing you can do about it. Indeed, with the girls who are going to come out, what you text doesn’t actually matter too much, because she likes you–if you matched on OLD she thinks your hot, and if you got her number in person, she thinks your hot AND bold, which is why the guy who cold approaches will always have the advantage (and why you should stop being a pussy and learn it instead of fucking 5s off Tinder and claiming they’re 7s on Twitter).

A simple principle in game is that the only real power you have, aside from your baseline value (looks + game) is your attention, which you can either give or withdraw. The same applies to texting: does this girl need more attention (it’s been awhile or she’s particularly engaged and replies quickly), or less (she’s not replying quickly or at all, OR you’ve just given her a lot of attention and need to let her cool off–like after a date or a phone call).

That’s a key point: call sometimes. Most girls like talking on the phone–at least, with people they want to talk to. Now, I typically would not do this if there’s a short window between the set or match (if using OLD) and the date, because she’ll see you soon enough. But if she’s not able to come out for awhile because she’s busy (date is a week from now), is texting back but not coming out or dodging the date request, or you’ve gone on a date or two, a phone call delivers both value and comfort; women are turned on by a strong, slow, deep masculine voice. VMs are also a powerful tool, used at the right time and sparingly, for the same reason.

Is this lead dead? RP’s reviver text.

If she’s not texting you back, probably.

However, if you want to give yourself a shot, the best reviver text I’ve come up with is this:

1: “Hey just in case you forgot what I look like”

2: Then text her a good picture of yourself–you should obviously look good, and the photo should be somewhat candid. A selfie is actually fine here, because it’s presumably happening in the moment. Professional photos are great for your dating profile on OLD, but normal people don’t casually text them to each other.

3: “Would love to grab that drink sometime”

I’ve had good success with this, although it’s not a panacea. If she doesn’t like you, she’s still not coming out, and if you’ve waited more than three or so days after the last text, it’s less likely to work because she’s forgotten the magic of the meeting and what you were like. Note: this is not a reviver text for OLD, because she obviously can see what you look like anytime. For OLD, I’d simply ping her again after like a week, pretending nothing happened.

Overall, however, girls who are interested will reply and come out. The ones who don’t probably aren’t going to, and as Pancake Mouse has shown, there’s no reason to spend a ton of time worrying about it. Instead, focus on meeting more girls, whether through cold approach or OLD.

If you want help meeting girls, going on dates, escalation, and seduction–and of course, texting strategy–hit me up for some coaching.

2 comments

  1. Maybe this is a sign of how non-normal I am, but I find it so difficult to text a girl in-between if we have a date scheduled more than a week out. It feels so awkward and forced, especially if she’s from online.

    I kind of equate it to if I made a new friend and we planned to hang out more than a week from now, I wouldn’t ever think of texting him/her random stuff until then.

    But girls are different, I suppose.

    #thisiswhyidontgetlaid

    P.S. maybe it doesn’t belong in a super basic texting guide, but one of the biggest things that helped me was Yohami’s idea of a “ramp”, or a feeler before escalation. So instead of coming out of nowhere with lets get drinks, you kind of probe her compliance and see if she’s up for it. I think Todd V talks about this a lot as well.

    Liked by 1 person

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