RPD’s girlfriend and my long, strange hiatus from Game.

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It’s been a minute fellas. 

I’d like to say I’ve won the lottery or graduated to some next level of Game I could fill you in on, but the simple truth is that I have a girlfriend and I’ve been fairly content with life—till now. I’m also at a point where I’m less interested in “Game,” generally, than in maximizing my finances and fitness, although it’s been difficult to make much progress on either because I’ve been: 1. busy with holiday shit and 2. fucking Fest Girl senseless. Plus, we’ve both had COVID the past two weeks (first me, then her) and have been quarantined, so as to avoid spreading it to others. Overall, I want to create a situation and life in which both man and woman have a safe, stable relationship where they experience the security and long term joy of a male/female partnership, while living a sexually free and vibrant life, but recently that mission has run aground.

I’ve been monogamous for at least three months, a recent record for me–the longest I’ve been monogamous since 2016; I should get a medal or Bitcoin or something as a prize. Fest Girl presented herself as someone who would do non-mono and other wonderful, crazy things I want to experience, but, before she left after the first time we had sex, she also issued an ultimatum: “if this isn’t serious, cool, but I’m out.” 

I bit, and she delivered. Since then I’ve never had more frequent, dirty, better sex, to the point that, from October 2021 to Jan 2022, I was blinded by the bounty and booty I was reaping. Sex with a hot young girl who adores you is addictive, no matter what the reddest piller wants to say, and it’s easy to be happy with one chick when all your needs are being vigorously met. Being a player can be downright lonely, and even though I knew there were perils to spending so much time with one girl, it felt fucking good. Unlike Forrest Gump, I’m not sure I know what love is–obsession combined with lust? Executing everything nearly perfectly with a woman you are fucking who also feels like a friend? I’m past 40 now and I’m still not sure exactly what “love” is, but for a long time I was in love, maybe lust, with Fest Girl, whatever that means.

Quick recap: I met Fest Girl at an Oktoberfest event (the kind of events guys should be going to for Game, rather than relying purely on street approach) and had several dates I wrote about on the blog. After the last post, we’ve become a traditional couple: she comes to my place several days a week, we go out to eat, she’s started cleaning and decorating my apartment, we’ve met each other’s families, and have gone on two out of town vacations together. There have also been a couple stretches now where we’ve been together for nearly a week or more straight. “Traditional,” except that I keep encouraging her to go to fuck clubs with me, under the dark tutelage of Red Quest and xbtusd, which she seemed more or less keen on—less, lately, unfortunately. 

This relationship has been the best I’ve ever had, and I have to credit Game and Red Pill for that progress. But in other ways, I’ve unlearned proper girl wrangling, and a lot of the lessons TRP teaches: I’ve failed to manage Fest Girl effectively. Managing a girl well means creating the space and distance desire needs to thrive. I also need space and distance in order to develop skills and implement my long-term plans. Girls often have short time horizons and consequently accomplish little. Men don’t live in the world hot girls do and thus we need to achieve. I’ve sacrificed my mission to hang around, watch TV, and fuck, along with my diet, writing, and independence. 

I’ve continued to lift, but I haven’t eaten as well as I should have, and my body fat has gone up slightly. Overall, I’ve fallen back into a lot of my blue pill ways and, perhaps unsurprisingly, I’m not very happy with the results. Instead of setting boundaries with Fest Girl (“you need to go home this morning. We can have dinner tomorrow night. I need today and tomorrow to work on my projects”), I let her usurp much of my time, and then I became irrationally unhappy with her, for boundaries that I failed to create and gently but firmly enforce. If a dog or child behaves poorly, the owner or parent is at fault for poor training. To snap at the dog or child is to externalize criticism that should be internal–this is my fault, and I accept the consequences of my poor management. Definitely an opportunity to learn.

But this is also my first truly intimate relationship since swallowing TRP. And there’s always some level of sacrifice that comes with intimate relationships, despite what the anger-phase warriors of the manosphere will bark at you. What I’m beginning to understand is that women crave that truly intimate bond of two people against the world, forging their own little life together, finding happiness in their relationship beyond all else. As Ester Perel notes however, this intimacy and joy eventually gives way to comfort, safety, and complacency–there is no distance or mystery anymore, and in the end this is why people stop having sex and starting doing other things (like fishing and golf for men; book clubs and knitting for women–that sort of thing). Golf sucks, give me fuck parties (although I do like fly fishing when I find the time to do it). 

I’m fucking hot and young; I have a chick who adores me, cleans for me, gives me regular back rubs and blowjobs, fucks me when I want. A lot of guys would be super happy with what I have and I am too—mostly. But, like the ancient Númenóreans peering west at the white ships from Tol Eressëa, I am discontent.[1] I’ve been enjoying my vacation from Twitter because I haven’t read all the assholery and chest thumping that occurs on there.[2] A lot of Red Pill bros present themselves as never making any mistakes, having zero emotions, and being masters of the universe. But they’re not. Life is more complex than that. People have emotions, and women are built by evolution to Game men–to get men to give things to them voluntarily because they’re soft and sweet and pretty. And of course, that sweet, sweet pussy.

So while it’s easy for armchair redpill guys on Twitter to call guys blue pill “pussies” and “soy boys,” the reality is that the reason most guys end up making mistakes with chicks–lose the frame, get cheated on, marry the wrong kind of woman (or get married at all)–is that when you’re having great sex with a beautiful young woman who says she loves you and seems to mean it, it’s extremely easy to forget what you know. By failing to set and maintain boundaries, I’ve gone too far down that road, and for that reason the relationship may not turn out well in the end, in terms of us having an ENM relationship. I can tell a positive story about her, like the one I mentioned above: she’s hot, she fucks, she cleans, she gives me back rubs, she has great feminine energy—but I can also tell a negative story about her, and by extension about me. Anyone you hang out with reflects on you: if you hang out with a “bad” person, then that is you, too. 

Why might things not turn out well with Fest GIrl? The first problem is that she’s lazy. She’s never had a real job, has a terrible sleep schedule, doesn’t work out, and is going to school for a worthless degree. A second problem is that while still quite frequent and good/kinky, the sex and blowjobs are dropping off, if only ever so slightly–but we all know where that’s headed. That’s my own fault, because I’ve failed to create sufficient distance and space between us. Her longest relationship is only about six months, and she may lack relationship skills or emotional maturity. I’m much older than her and need to provide the framework she may lack. Imparting emotional maturity is tricky, though, and if we’re being honest I’m not always showing the emotional maturity I should. I have a mentor in this respect, but I backslide at times. 

To some degree, declining sexual frequency is natural in any long term relationship, as the initial frenzy wears off, but that leads me to the biggest problem, which is that she’s not turning out to to be the non-mono girl who wants threesomes and crazy sexual experiences she promised to be when we first started dating. It’s common for men to promise commitment to get women to fuck, and it’s common for women to promise to fuck to get commitment. Not exploring sex clubs and non-monogamy is OK for now, and I want to get her there, but if she can’t get there, I will have to drop her and/or cheat. Or “branch swing.” 

As men, we’re always going to want to fuck other chicks in a way that’s not always true for women–they want to find the best guy they can and then lock him down. But women have a different problem, which is that after six months to four years, their erotic interest in a guy wanes dramatically…

…Unless the couple practices non-monogamy! In my mind, non-monogamy is THE solution for a long-term partnership. The guy is able to sate his natural desire to fuck other chicks, and the woman, seeing that the guy is desirable to other women, sustains her interest–she knows she has to compete sexually. Women love sexual competition: that’s why they watch an otherwise moronic show like THE BACHELOR, and read romance novels in which the heroine wins against other women. I want to win and help win. She can also have sex with other men too, of course. I wrote in the first paragraph that I want an ideal situation:  “both man and woman have a safe, stable relationship where they experience the security and long term joy of a male/female partnership, while living a sexually free and vibrant life.” Now I have to be able to make that happen. 

It was with this long term arrangement in mind that I agreed to monogamy with Fest Girl initially—at the time it made sense to provide her the security and intimacy that comes with knowing we were only going to have sex with each other, while building our relationship in others ways as well. Unfortunately, monogamy has become a status quo Fest Girl won’t break from. A lot of this has been my fault, both in execution and communication, but I’m also beginning to think it might have been a mistake to engage in explicit monogamy in the first place. To be clear, I don’t have all the answers. Did I commit to monogamy because I didn’t want to lose her–out of a place of fear? To some degree, yes. But she’s also expressed an interest in having threesomes with other girls, we’ve done a ton of BDSM, and I thought she’d naturally progress toward ENM. Alas, that has so far not been the case.

It’s a conundrum to be sure: 

  • Many women want monogamy, and if you don’t give them monogamy, many will walk after a month or two (at least, this has been my experience–why before Fest Girl my record of retaining women long term was spotty at best). Women want more than sex. For a woman, sex is cheap. 
  • If you promise and practice monogamy, how many will be willing to open things up? Maybe not a lot–it doesn’t seem promising based on Fest Girl’s evolution, and from what I know of women generally, who think emotionally rather than rationally. I don’t want to bait and switch, but I do want to pace revealing who I am—something almost everyone does. The term “overshare” exists because it describes some people’s propensities to reveal intimate details too soon. 
  • However, if you don’t open up the relationship, the guy will get bored and/or the chick will eventually lose interest, leading to a situation where cheating and/or a break-up happens.

A lot of chicks in their 20s become serial monogamists by accident: they meet a guy, fall in love, the sex is great, he is great, and the relationship becomes closer and more intimate. Over time, the guy becomes clingy, she gets bored, sex becomes less exciting/frequent, and eventually the guy cheats, or she does, and/or they break up because you don’t want to marry someone when you know the passion and sex are dying. Having kids ameliorates a lot of this, but today many women are more inclined to have dogs than children, and guys—at least smart guys—aren’t going to wife a chick up who doesn’t fuck well or often because she’s a good dog mom. Women most want the guys who have options, and yet guys with options often exercise those options: another paradox of desire. 

When I met Fest Girl and then fucked her, she seemed very inclined toward non-monogamy, threesomes and sex parties. She said as much, overtly, on our second date. Given that promising prospect, I gave her monogamy in the interim to provide the comfort and stability necessary for that leap of faith to take place, and we spent the next three months fucking and nesting and having a damn good time. Unfortunately, the frame me “giving” her monogamy is totally wrong, and I failed to set the proper frame of us having adventures together, in that win-and-help-win way. But now, as the NRE fades and I remind her of the long term frame of the relationship, she’s like, “nahh, I don’t really want to do that after all.” To that I say: OK, but if that’s the case, it may be time for RPD to get back out there to start farming leads and getting back to Game. I may have one or two more things to try, things she’s agreed to in theory, but my overall level of optimism is low. I stopped writing for three weeks when things were good and we were busy, and spending too much time together. Happiness generates few stories. Adversity forces us to learn, grow, and change. The fundamental law of the social world is men competing for attractive, fertile women. If the game theory of doing so weren’t so complex, we’d probably still be apes, grunting at one another on the Savannah, instead of building the utopian paradise we’ve built to impress our girlfriends.[3] 

As Forrest Gump says: that’s all I have to say about that.

As always, thanks for reading fellas, and if you want to get better with chicks and/or improving your own life, hit me up for coaching. Happy 2022!

[1] And we all know how that one ended. 

[2] If you haven’t read THE LORD OF THE RINGS and THE SILMARILLION, log off and go read those. Learn something. The Internet has its uses, but too many Internet guys seem shallow. 

[3] And exchange nude photos and videos of them. All men show their buddies nudes of their girlfriends, except me, because I’d never, ever do such a wretched thing.

7 comments

  1. I’m a lurker. I’ve been reading your blog every now and then for the couple of years. I really like the story of you and this girl.

    Although it’s a good story, it also makes me sad. You’re ‘cursed’ by TRP in a way, you see imperfections in your relationship very early on and they get you thinking thoughts an ‘unplugged’ guy wouldn’t have at this stage. Plus your ‘problem’ is you always want to improve. This is something that really sucks about ‘being redpilled’, you know too much.

    On the other hand, this curse/mindset is exactly what makes you so successful with women and it is what got you in this good situation with this girl in the first place.

    It’s really recognizable. You get something good, then a voice in your head starts saying ‘I can’t stay here’ and after a while you’re back on the savanna. There will be times when you’ll be regret that you’ve left her, but leaving her will let you open a lot of new doors. On the other side: the perfect girl/relationship doesn’t exist, sometimes you have to know when to stop. Good luck with your decision, TRP is both a gift and a curse

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I’ve also faced EXACTLY the same trouble enforcing boundaries in my longer term relationships. Women make us weak and I’m not sure there is a cure. If there was I would pay good money for it

    Like

  3. Great post. Firstly. I really respect the honesty. The roadmap you present reads like every relationship Ive been in since I got divorced nearly 20 years ago. I find a girl I really really like fucking and for the most part enjoy hanging out with. After max a month I get the ‘what are we’ question shortly followed by the ultimatum. I’ll delay, test for wiggle room, but eventually fold like a cheap suit. (after all I really really like fucking her!) We are now ‘together.’ Its great for a while, but eventually her problems start becoming my problems, her moods mean she isn’t horny tonight.. etc etc. We all know where this leads. Later on I learned to tactically flirt or get ‘caught’ talking to other girls, which no matter what girls say, usually increases not diminishes their attraction, at least for a while. But the endgame is always the same and seems inescapable. After 1-2 years I get bored of fucking her. and she gets bored of me. I’ve lost my mystery. I’ve repeated this process, maybe 7 times in 2 decades. It’s only in the last few years I’ve accepted I’m never going to settle down. Is non monogamy the cure? Maybe for girls.. Female jealousy can work wonders. But for men? Even if she stays in shape, which very few girls put in the work to do, she’s still declining. As you say, men who have options exercise them. Her body and face will age and change. Our desire to fuck hot girls in their 20’s won’t. I’m curious to see if you reach the same conclusion.

    Like

  4. This whole series of posts have been great.
    Just a guy trying something out and talking about his takeaways from the experience – exactly the kind of thoughtful, interesting and helpful resource that game content on the web should be, imo.

    Like

    1. Agreed. They’re also a refreshing change from the typical stuff one reads, which is almost always about the lead up to the lay and the initial lay.

      Those are fine & good topics, I encourage guys to tell their stories, but very few guys are talking about the period after the lay. Scarcity can imply value and that’s true here IMO.

      Like

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