Many of the guys who’ve discovered the manosphere, red pill, and/or pick up, are divorced as a result of not understanding the kind of man we needed to be to sustain a marriage and/or as a consequence of how women have changed from worthy domestic partners to become more individualistic and unstable. The other large cohort are simply guys who struggle to get laid and have sexual relationships with women. They often lack social skills and social sense altogether, or have a too-developed sense of inferiority. Most of the guys here fall in one of these two categories–or perhaps both. We tend to be bookish, intelligent men who tend to have good careers; a huge number of my clients are either guys in their late 30s/early 40s who’ve recently been divorced, or younger guys in their 20s/early 30s who work in tech or finance, but have a hard time meeting and sleeping with women. They’re technical nerds who don’t understand how to talk to women.
Where does it all end? RedQuest and I have both been considering what happens when the Game is over. When is it time to move on? Because at some point there’s a male wall as well, where it becomes exceedingly difficult to attract hotter and younger; moreover, there’s a point at which one has to ask if the juice is worth the squeeze, and, do we really want to devote the entirety of our lives to getting our dicks wet? Personally, I don’t, which is why I’ve spent the past six months with a steady girlfriend.
Of course, Fest Girl isn’t possible if I don’t understand and apply game. It was true of the approach and the seduction, and every day I find myself using strategies, principles, and tactics I learned through cold approach, dating, and seducing tons of chicks, and I use this knowledge to make our relationship work and grow (a good example: change her mood not her mind). The first thing guys have to learn are still those core Red Pill principles: lifting, reading, learning game and cold approach, building power and wealth, etc. Above all: getting laid. It sounds odd to say that, but for any man, that is the most important thing to figure out–because once you can get laid consistently by attractive women, you can likely figure out how to do just about anything else. Getting laid is a base level, but also, for many men, exceedingly difficult.
“Naturals” learn to get laid early and intuitively, while “artificials” like myself and other PUAs learn synthetically from each other. Artificials have an advantage over Naturals because we understand what we’re doing and why it works. Think of it this way: the novice fisherman who happens to choose the right bait in the right spot at the right time will catch fish…until he doesn’t. The fisherman who understands why it was the right bait can change or refine his tactics when that’s no longer the case, and that is invaluable. Smart, purpose oriented men have an advantage over other men and nearly all women–because we had to learn and grow to get where we are. We had to earn it. Truly powerful and worthy men are built; we are forged by failure, experience, and the trials that come with learning to get better. Naturals and hot chicks–just are. Magnificent in some ways, like watching a tiger successfully stalk and bring down its prey, but primarily a result of evolution, not purposeful intent and learning. It reminds me of what Malcolm tells Hammond in Jurassic Park when he sees how they’re breeding dinosaurs: “I’ll tell you the problem with the scientific power you’re using here, it didn’t require any discipline to attain it…you didn’t earn the knowledge for yourselves, so you don’t take any responsibility for it.”
Hot chicks and naturals have amazing sexual experiences without having earned them, just as a spoiled child gets things without having had to do or learn anything in particular to deserve the sugar high they get when daddy buys her ice cream. One of the big unspoken problems with the modern society that is materializing absent of purposeful design and purely as a consequence of consumption, profit, and attention seeking, is that people no longer have to earn much, especially hot, young chicks. If there’s never an expectation to get married, have children, or contribute to society in some larger way, it leads to something truly gross: what I call hedonistic narcissism.
For a lot of people, life is about pleasure and selfishness, about experience absent of context, about passive entitlement as opposed to earned rewards. Because women, by the simple virtue of having a vagina, are valuable–especially if they can manage to stay somewhat thin–they’re particularly susceptible to fall into this sort of trap. Men typically have to work and apply themselves in some way to earn the right to be with women, which takes us full circle: if you can get get sex from hot, young women consistently, and you’re not a natural–you actually had to do something, learn, and grow to deserve it and repeat the feat–then you’ve done something exceedingly difficult that most men can’t do, which again, means you’re capable of much more.
That’s where I’m at–not that I’m so great or wonderful, but I’m realizing that I’m capable of much more than simply fucking a lot of women. And as I mentioned above, the player lifestyle is only available to us for a limited time. At some point the male wall comes and that window closes. But perhaps more importantly, what comes next–even for younger guys who’ve run through their share of women, or even for guys who don’t want to? I don’t think one necessarily needs to have sex with some particular number of women, which is why as I’ve matured as a man I reject the value of +1 as a measure of success. Can you get chicks? If the answer to that is yes, the next question is: can you keep them? If you can answer yes to both questions, to my mind, that’s enough.
So again, what comes next? Red Quest discusses “kids” as an answer. TRP in some ways can be seen as male “lifestyle design”–the only problem is that it mostly ends with having enough money to do what you want and fucking lots of chicks. Nothing wrong with that, but most guys are going to find that at some point, there’s not a lot of value there. To go back to a prior example, why is it that at the peak of human freedom, material possession, entertainment, and nutrition that so many people are unhappy, especially Western women? Because a life of hedonistic narcissism, while very good if you’re Apple or Tik-Tok or a Silicon Valley executive hell bent on profit and mining human attention, is a soulless endeavor.
People are feeling more anxious and depressed than ever before, because they literally have no purpose other than a voyeur or a consumer. They are worthless, and my guess is we’ve evolved to feel shitty if we’re not contributing to our tribe, and the reality is that many, if not most people, are not. What good is a super hot chick who doesn’t have children and pass on her genes if her entire life is devoted to being attractive and seeking pleasure and self aggrandizement?
Zero. We seek the good life. The same is true of the bro who spends his life working a shit job so he can smoke weed and play video games when he’s not working. People glom onto politics and spend their time yelling at each other on the internet because it feels purposeful, even though it is not.
I don’t expect anyone to solve those problems soon, but what I want to explore: what does a good, purposeful life look like? How do we, as men, live in a way that is positive sum–that adds to the experience of others? How can we both help others and help ourselves to live well? Because I firmly believe that this is the path to true happiness, or if not happiness, then contentment and a sense of purpose that is substantive, rather than illusory or negative. Mushrooms have pushed me to greater purpose, and their spiritual powers, if used appropriately, are real. Today we have too few mystical experiences.
I’m not sure, to be quite honest, but here’s what I do know in terms of elements, at least for men:
- A female partner, and/or consistent, deserved access to sex, preferably with more than one woman–pay to play may feel good in the moment, but it doesn’t feed the soul in the way that true female attention and attraction does.
- Health and wellness: lifting, physical exertion, exercise.
- Enough wealth to live as we choose. This will differ for each of us, but I stop short of saying it’s enough wealth to not have to work, because working in some way is important. Mr. Money Mustache has a point.
- A connection to the cosmos aka spirituality. Even an atheist needs to cultivate some sort of respect for the awe of the universe.
- Mentorship and teaching. Humans are teachers and learners–this is truly the oldest profession of them all, not prostitution. Teaching is the foundation of what allowed us to evolve and thrive as a species. And in this sense, one of the things all humans should be involved in, especially as they get older, is teaching and transferring skills and learning to those who are younger and will eventually take our place.
The Red Pill can be seen as an outgrowth of the sexual revolution, feminism, and the destabilization and diminishment of marriage as a stable institution. TRP happened when men discovered that working hard, playing by the rules, white knighting, and being overly kind/deferential to women not only didn’t work, but was likely to blow up in our face. Indeed, for a lot of us, it did. We don’t really know what’s next, not yet. Some guys will become evolutionary dead ends and fail to have children altogether out of bitterness. Some will have children but be unable to sustain relationships with women. Some will try co-parenting.
We think we’re smarter than we are and suffer from the Dunning-Kruger effect.