It seems women who struggle with dating and mating are obsessed with “living your truth” and validating every emotion they encounter. The latest manifestation of emotional validating, at the expense of logic, is called “intuitive eating,” which argues you should eat the types of foods you’re in the mood for. To me, “intuitive eating” sounds like a recipe for getting very fat. Who “intuitively” eats? Obese people.
Your intuition is often wrong. As a sentient person, your goal is to use logic to overcome emotional deficits.
(That this rant is inspired by a conversation about female dating podcasts tells you much of what you need to know.)
Many of our feelings are invalid–remnants of an ancestral environment in which we no longer live. Like, what is “Approach Anxiety?” It’s the scared feeling men have when we talk to a random woman, and it used to be adaptive, because in a social circle or tribe where everyone knows each other, if you go around trying to bang every hot chick in the group and get rejected more than once or twice, pretty soon you’re going to be an outcast, and none of the other women you haven’t played for will fuck you either, for purely social/tribal reasons unrelated to how HAWT or rich or strong you are, or even how much status you have.
But that was then, and, as Mystery and then Strauss after him pointed out long ago, approaching a random chick on the street or in a dance club and getting rejected in a large or even medium size city confers zero or minuscule consequences. As a guy who’s done a lot of this, the only real worry is that other girls see you AND realize what you’re doing AND realize that you got rejected. The likelihood of that happening is small, especially if you get good at this–like Todd V says: good game doesn’t look like game. Good game looks like social skills, something most guys are too dumb or blinkered to consciously and conscientiously practice.
Players learn to ignore AA by using strategies I’ve described on this blog—and the strategies I develop for individual clients (with AA, there’s often a personal trigger that’s different for each guy: individual coaching can help turn universal advice into specifics). Other guys like RedQuest, Thomas Crown, Nash, and so many more have also written about it. Players learn to ignore maladaptive, ancestral feelings in order to succeed. The ladies on these female dating podcasts should tell their listeners to process and often IGNORE their maladaptive feelings in pursuit of what really matters, but that’s not what they do–like so many in the media (Fox News, MSNBC, Brett Weinstein, etc), they’re beholden to audience capture and would rather tell their listeners what they want to hear, rather than what is true and actionable.
Take, for example, a super successful guy who’s handsome, but a little awkward on the date–many women are going to feel like they don’t want to fuck him and then they’re going to justify that feeling, “well, if I don’t want to fuck him, that’s how I feel, and my feelings are ALWAYS valid.” Wrong. Her feelings are predicated on one interaction, and it’s entirely possible that guy is fucking awesome once you get to know him a bit more, and is great in bed on top of that. But the girl who always follows her feelings will never find that out and remain perpetually single, while the girls who are smart and practical will ignore their feelings because they’re looking for something deeper. Girls’ grandmas know that first impressions are deceptive and many women need help in guiding their feelings. Smooth players who have learned to manufacture rapid feelings of familiarity are often awash in pussy.
Before some women meet a guy, they have crazily demanding, sometimes outlandish expectations, but at least those expectations are based on practical triggers of attraction, like that he’s tall, “has his shit together”, has fun hobbies, owns a dog, likes to cook, etc…but then they get on a date with this guy and ignore all the practical, real reasons he’s is a winner and get caught up in how he makes them feel in that one to two hour time span, often with alcohol.
Players learn to focus on tangible actions, attraction triggers, and practices that will make them more attractive to women. Over time, actions change feelings more than feelings change actions. Another great example of this is overcoming shit tests. When a woman says “we’re not having sex” or has “no hookups” in her bio, a lot of men react emotionally—in the case of the former, by trying to negotiate sex or becoming butthurt and sullen about it, or the latter, by swiping left, taking her at face value. But a seasoned player knows this is a tactic women use, whether intentionally or unintentionally, to test a man’s suitability as a mate.
One could argue that a lot of what women do in relationships is test a man’s ability to be stoic, non-reactive, unemotional–because after all, no one wants a leader, or even a partner, for that matter, who is prone to emotional outbursts and irrational behavior. Women would do well to remember this in reverse: men don’t want relationships with women who are unreliable and overly emotional. Sure, we understand that this is part of a woman’s nature, but the more well she can manage that nature and be a rational, supportive, capable partner, the more value she’ll receive in the eyes of men.
Change the things you can control, like learning and applying game (many learn but do not actually practice what they know), as well as fixing your fashion and fitness. Getting hot girls in bed ISN’T EASY, almost ever, for any man. Rather, it’s the result of continual effort over time building your person and life into something women find attractive and want to be a part of. It requires energy, money, continual effort, and a willingness to reflect and learn as we go.
If you can’t be bothered, that’s fine, but don’t expect to get laid, or live up to your potential.
If you don’t write field reports and/or hire a coach and/or get the help of a mentor and/or read and learn the tactics and principles of game, fine…but again, don’t expect to get laid, or live up to your potential.
Understand as well, that getting laid is only the first phase in the journey, because at some point you’ll want to move on to something greater, larger, and more meaningful than the next warm, wet hole–and you should! If anything is more meaningful than pussy, that is…I’m not sure anything is.
Which brings me full circle to the point about the pursuit of happiness. Don’t pursue “happiness.” Happiness is bullshit invented by marketers to be kept just out of reach. Pursue meaning. Pursue a purpose–or what red pill guys call your mission. This will change throughout life, but that is what makes us happy. “Happy” is a momentary elation at the satisfaction of some challenging goal. As it ebbs, the important thing becomes the next challenging goal.
The irony is that if you want to feel good aka be happy aka engender good feelz, then you should ignore and/or process your feelings instead of listening to them. Will modern women figure this out? Will most guys? I’m not holding my breath. Guys who are “living their truth” are often “living their failure.” Attractive, young women can get away with being “emotional” and “intuitive” because an endless stream of guys will approach them. As the years go by, that strategy becomes less and less viable. The smart ones figure out how to reject their internalized narcissism, create lasting bonds, and focus on what’s important. The rest become spinsters.
If you’re a man who wants to start the journey, hit me up.