“Where’d you go RPD?”
Well gents, it’s been an odd year for me being out of the game–er, at least for the most part. Odd in the sense that since my divorce, I haven’t had a long-term monogamous or semi-monogamous relationship with any of the girls I’ve dated, on purpose, and I’ve been in one with Fest Girl now for over half a year, though I love and miss the game.
I’ve stuck it out with Fest Girl so far because she has a lot of very good qualities (aside from being hot) many if not most women lack, and also because at some point players have to consider when it’s time to cash out. We can’t do this forever. There is a wall for men, too, and at some point there’s a lot to be said about having a stable relationship, family, etc. The question I’ll have to answer is whether this girl is that girl—the family-making girl—for me. I think she can be, especially if kids or non-mono are a part of the future equation, and some maturity and growth on her part, as well as some on mine.
I’ll be blunt here: it is VERY easy to become complacent and blue pill in a relationship. VERY EASY. To my horror, I’ve realized that I’ve adopted some poor habits. For example, though I’ve continued to lift (more on this later), I’ve not been great about nutrition and as a consequence, I’ve gained some weight.
So has Fest Girl. And this is where long term relationships go to die: the couple gets complacent, gets fat, loses desire, becomes comfortable…fin. Instead of using their GoPro to shoot 4k amateur porn and putting it online like maniacs, they’re sitting around watching Euphoria and pining for the good old days when they were hot and sexually viable. The good news is that I’m on my way back from the abyss, using the RFL diet (super low calorie version of keto, although more heavily protein than fat) as suggested by Lord Connery. Can Fest Girl come with me? I certainly hope so, and I like what I’m seeing: she’ll go on walks, hikes, play tennis, and is starting to open up to the idea of lifting with me. But if she can’t, I’ll know it’s not going to work for us.
You might be saying, “Ditch her and go fuck other girls”. And to be sure, I could do that. I look young for a guy in his early 40s and I’ve probably got 5-6 years where I’ll still be relevant to hot, young girls–maybe even 5-6 beyond that where I can be with a slightly older cohort (25-35) who are still quite attractive. But there are two things here that cut against the player/red pill ideology of: go talk to more girls/it’s just your turn.
1) The modern dating pool is a Market of Lemons
Some girls are a lot better than others in terms of sexual desire, being good in bed, having a pleasant temperament, and loyalty/love for her man. If you’re on Twitter too much, you’d think they’re all branch swinging narcissists two steps away from BPD. Not true. Despite the dread that all the hot/nice chicks are gone, there are plenty still out there. However, much of dating involves picking through a market of lemons: a market where the seller (girl) has more information than the buyer (guy).
To make the comparison fit better, let’s replace information with advantage. Women, given OLD and social media, have an advantage over guys in today’s SMP–a woman at a particular SMV has more choice of guys at or above her SMV than similar men; she may be the best/highest option for many or most of those guys. But if she’s single, she’s single for a reason. Mr. Pips, a client I’ve had a long coaching relationship with, has come across this problem over the past year. He’s slept with quite a few girls, and his growth as a player has been phenomenal—his ability to text, plan dates, escalate, and seduce has become expert. Unfortunately, none of the women he’s been with have been great in bed, and/or have come with some level or weird/crazy. The sex isn’t worth dealing with her difficult personality traits for guys she’s willing to date, just as in the market for lemons (btw, the term lemons refers to cars that don’t perform well–not actual lemons), where the seller is only willing to sell good cars at the given price point, but the buyer won’t pay that price because he doesn’t know if the car is a lemon or not–so mostly only the lemons get sold.
In the modern SMP (sexual marketplace), plums (good/quality girls) aren’t on the market for long. Plums are less likely to be on social media, less likely to be on dating apps, and less likely to be single. It’s not that they’re never available–there are lots of cute, nice, sweet girls out there–they’re just less available. Selection bias as RedQuest likes to say. A good reason to learn cold approach and develop a strong social circle where you’re more likely to interact with plums as opposed to lemons.
To be sure, I’ve met plenty of strange girls with various problems through day/night game. The only good news was I didn’t have to keep them around, nor commit to them–true for any non-mono player. However, when you get to a point where you’re thinking about that next step aka choosing a long term or potentially life-long partner–when you come across a plum (especially hotter/younger), you’d better think long and hard before you ditch her, because it might be a long time before someone better comes along, if ever. Red pill guys are fond of accusing women of waiting too long/being too picky when it comes to guys, but there’s a point where that’s true for us as well, where our SMV is maxed out and waning, and where one ought to start thinking about cashing out (the other option is to be a lonely old man–not a good result IMO). That’s where I’m at now, again, probably in the early stages: if Fest Girl doesn’t work out, I’m fairly confident I can find someone else of equal or potentially greater quality, but in the market for lemons, there are no guarantees.
2) But wait, RPD, don’t you say don’t get married?
Yes I do, and I still think that’s good advice, but it brings me to point two, which is that being a player is lonely, a lot of hard work, requires intense focus, time, and energy, and like anything with those characteristics, can become more of a chore than a joy–it can become old, monotonous, repetitive.
Sometimes it’s good to take a break. Like, if Fest Girl and I break up, I’ll hit the streets and the SMP with renewed vigor and enthusiasm. Life goes in streaks, but it also has stages, and each stage is a place where we can learn and grow.
As XBTUSD has pointed out to me several times, I’ve not been the sort of leader I should be with Fest Girl, nor have I maintained my autonomy and mission as well as I ought. This is not to say I’ve learned nothing, because if I hadn’t learned game, seduction, and some of the other stuff TRP teaches us, we’d have broken up by now and she wouldn’t have the attachment to me she does. Things like fucking well, holding the frame, teasing, leading, not defering, etc. Without game, I’d be stuck jerking off, or with the hideous fat girls available to most guys via online dating, which is like experiencing hell without having to die first. There’s a lot of shit I’ve done better in this relationship than in my failed marriage, but there’s also a lot of shit I’ve fallen back into…the guys on Twitter never make mistakes or do anything wrong, but IRL, life’s more complicated, and alas dear friends, RPD is human like the rest of you. Luckily I have XBTUSD and Red Quest to correct my wayward impulses.
The good news: I’m still learning. As always, we should let failure be our greatest teacher. There’s a time and place where the player’s journey ends, but the man’s does not, and we have to ask ourselves: what next? Do I really want to live alone, childless, for the latter third to half of my life?
The solution doesn’t have to be to live with or marry a woman and have kids…maybe it’s developing a community of men who enjoy fly fishing or surfing or hunting, or it means buying a farm and living off the land, or living in SE Asia super cheap and knowing you can bang sex workers when you have the urge and spend the rest of your time writing or reading or playing video games or whatever it is that gets you up in the morning.
For me, it probably will mean having a long term relationship or even getting married and either having more kids or developing a strong social circle with friends who have shared interests. I’m sure it will involve teaching, writing, coaching, and helping people learn and grow.
So back to the question: why do we say “don’t get married?” Two primary reasons:
- It’s a bad contract. If I get married again, it will be with a prenup that will stipulate no alimony, half time parenting, no combined assets brought in prior to the relationship, etc. Now, maybe you think that’s still not going to work, but here’s the deal: once you do decide to settle down, most quality chicks are going to want a marriage or they’re going to split. Life is full of compromises, so you get the best deal you can and move along.
- Getting married young for men (under 35) is a bad idea. I did it, a lot of my clients did it, a lot of my friends did it, and for the most part it didn’t work. Contemporary society is too narcissistic to sustain marriage. People either got divorced or are stuck in sexless, unhappy marriages. A big part of this is that young guys get bowled over by women and don’t have the game to level the playing field, the woman resents them for not leading, etc. Experience, when it comes to managing relationships, goes a hell of a long way. Part of the reason I’m at least open to it again is that I know better now: even though I’ve made some mistakes with Fest Girl, I still hold the power in the relationship and am not making the mistakes I did in my marriage.
Learning TRP and Game helps us live our best lives–at least: that’s the idea. If guys want to have women in their lives, they need to learn this stuff or they will either not have them or they’ll get destroyed by them. And, as is becoming a theme here: at some point you can’t be a player–like tennis players, we age out. I do not intend to be running around the nursing home trying to bang old chicks with cancer. I want to spend time with my kids and/or grandkids, my family and friends, doing stuff I enjoy like fishing or camping, and teaching others. And I want to consider how to get to that sort of life well before I have to…because yeah, your boy can still get out there and swing his dick around for a few years if that’s what the Fates intend.
A few lessons from clients
One of the most rewarding things about coaching, aside from meeting so many awesome guys, is that I learn so much from them and their experiences–it’s enabled me to stay engaged and on top of game strategy despite the fact I’m not actively pursuing new leads. Some important points of congruence from recent calls:
- The older you get (to a point), the more effective cold approach becomes vs. other options like OLD. Most chicks who would swipe left on you because of age will give you a chance IRL if your game is tight. Remember: women are more driven by character, confidence, and class, than men. Of course looks matter, but MUCH less so than most black pillers think.
- Lift motherfucker lift. This really is the lifeblood of TRP and game. It’s a point I’ve made continually to my clients…“OK, but when was the last time you lifted? Are you getting into the gym? Do you have big muscles?” Because if you don’t, you’re fucked. Just like we want hot, young girls with tight bodies and big tits, girls want fit, jacked guys with big muscles and six-pack abs. Will girls compromise some if your confidence and game is super tight? Yep. But why not have both? To the extent you can, looksmaxing has a massively positive effect.
- Opening in cold approach and texting on apps matters less than you think. Here’s all the open needs to achieve: she stops and listens to you. Now: game on–this is where teasing, stacking, storytelling, DHVing is huge, plus grounding before the close. And, as I’ve told many of my guys: when it comes to texting on the apps, think like a girl. She matched with you because you’re her type/she thinks you’re hot. If a hot chick was texting you, would it matter so much what she said? Probably not, right? So to her you’re a hot chick–as long as you don’t text like a serial killer, you’ll probably be OK.
- Go for the lay. Girls want you to escalate. Many times, they’ve gone on the date thinking: I’ll fuck this guy if I like him and he makes things happen. So make them happen. It’s always better to go for it than to be a pussy and leave shit on the table. I’m a firm believer that girls respect you more if you go for it than if you don’t. Your attraction drives her attraction.
- Give yourself permission to get what you want: hot, young girls (at least for most guys–if you like older chicks, cool). Stop erecting barriers to why you can’t do stuff. Just fucking do it. Go for it. Stop apologizing. That’s blue pill thinking. You don’t deserve anything, but as a man, you get the opportunity to go out and earn it. So stop being a pussy and do it.
- Easy kiss close: “hey, come here, let’s try something.” Then you pull her in and kiss her. Trust me, if she doesn’t want to she won’t let you do it.
- Dates are like an escalator: there’s either forward/upward movement, or there isn’t. At any point the escalation stalls, the girl is going to doubt whether she wants to fuck you. Girls need you to make things happen. Christ I’m sensing another theme here.
- Don’t stay in any one place on the first or even second date for more than two hours. Long dates seem good, but they’re bad. Why? Because the girl is internally thinking: how come this guy isn’t moving things forward? Why are we still at this bar? And worse, she’s painfully aware of the time she’s spent there, plus whatever escalation has happened, which leads me to the next point.
- Either fuck the girl, or don’t–avoid the point of no return. If, on a super long date, you make out with a girl a bunch of times and don’t bang her, she’s going to think she owes you sex the next time you go out. Same with pulling her to your apartment and getting her clothes off. Anytime a girl thinks she owes you sex, she won’t give it–the feeling of obligation repulses women. So either end the date with sex, or end it well before it comes into the picture. I prefer to always kiss on the first date, but as soon as I sense I can’t pull, I’m reverting to a two-date model.
- Seed the second date on the first. I got this strategy from RedQuest and it works IME. Instead of worrying about pinging, setting up a second date, and texting after the first, set the second date up on the first if you’re not going to have sex. Case in point is Fest Girl: we had a great first date and I told her, why don’t you come over and I’ll teach you how to make risotto for the second date, which was a few days later. Worked beautifully, and it has worked before. Give a girl fewer options/offramps and you’ll be more successful. Remember, girls live in the land of maybe.
If you want help with this stuff, hit me up. There’s never been a better time to be a player.
Good stuff. Thanks the concrete example of setting up a second date with making dinner.
Question: How did you go about setting the actual day and time to coordinate your schedules? What I mean is, you don’t want to be totally available by changing your schedule to accommodate, because you have your own stuff going on (work, hobbies, friends, etc)…unless you’re totally available because you have your own stuff going on in another way (rich enough to be a man of leisure, total Buddha level enlightment, etc).
Thanks again for the quality content.
The simplest thing is to suggest a day that works for you–if it doesn’t work for her and she likes you, she’ll typically give you an alternative day and time. People make time for what’s important for them, and despite their denial of this fact, women spend a lot of time and energy trying to fuck/get into relationships with HQ guys. If she’s so busy that she can’t find a time, then she’s either not into you because you haven’t build proper attraction–or her life is actually too busy and she’s going to be a time waster who’s not worth the investment.
Most guys have some sense of our evening schedules, and most guys aren’t doing stuff seven nights a week. Shoot for scheduling first dates in the Tuesday to Thursday doldrums, in particular. If necessary, use something like, “You’re probably occupied Friday night, but my plans just fell through… I was supposed to go party with my buddy, but he’s started seeing a girl and all they want to do is stay in and… you know [give her a meaningful look]… you should come over for dinner then.”
Some social awareness is good, like knowing that a lot of hot girls have Friday / Saturday night plans… but you also want to get her out sooner, not later. Scheduling dates is one of these problems that tend to be bigger in theory than practice.
Great stuff man
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Great post RPD.
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> Getting married young for men (under 35) is a bad idea
I was just talking about this with the Japanese girl the other night… she mentioned that she wanted marriage before she turned 25 or so, and asked what age I wanted to marry. Your blog and thinking patterns must be sunk into my subconscious—on some level—because my response was, exactly, “35”.
Glad to be a client of yours. We’re gonna make a man out of me yet
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