When it comes to Game: have you gone all in?

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If you’re going to be a player, consider: have you gone all in? I don’t mean “all in” in the sense that all you do all the time is approach chicks, go on dates, or work out–we need to earn a living, hang out with friends and family, have hobbies, peak experiences, etc. Indeed, if your life has no depth or purpose other than women and sex, your lack of other interests will likely hinder you with women. It’s also true that some guys don’t need to go “all in” because they have natural advantages in terms of looks, height, circumstances, etc., but most guys get out what they put in—and most guys don’t put much in.

Think about Tim Ferriss’ minimum effective dose (hat tip to XBTUSD for that analogy)–are you doing enough to improve with women? For most guys, especially guys who are young and/or inexperienced, the answer is “no,” because the minimum effective dose represents a very high level of work, time, and commitment. There’s a great story Todd V tells to illustrate the point: imagine you’re in a room with 100 people, and one holds private keys for $50,000 in Bitcoin (Todd V used a check for 50K, but this is 2022)–all you have to do is ask for the BTC and they have to give you the private keys on a thumb drive. You would talk to every single person in that room, right? Getting laid is similar: assuming your fashion and fitness are good enough to get you to a high 6 or low 7 as a guy, and you’re socially calibrated enough to hold a conversation with another person for a few minutes, you’ll eventually find a girl who will fuck you if you ask enough of them (and aren’t a total weirdo).

Remember, results in game are based on three basic factors:

  1. Numbers–how many women you talk to (or who see your profile on OLD times 1000-10,000x).
  2. SMV–how attractive you are in terms of looks: fitness + fashion.
  3. Game–how entertaining, interesting, and valuable you are.

Any aspiring player should ask himself IF he is doing enough in each of these three categories to become relevant to attractive women?[1] If not, he can work very hard and see limited results–or zero results–because, as is the case in today’s SMP: women are very picky and particular–especially the hotter and younger she is. A useful analogy is to think about rolling a heavy stone up a hill; a guy could work extremely hard pushing that stone to the top, but if he doesn’t go past the apex, the stone will roll back down the hill and come to rest somewhere near where it started. If you’re not currently getting the results you want with women, you need to get that stone over the top. The good news is that once you reach this point–exit velocity, critical mass, warp speed, etc.–you’ll find that all the sudden things get a lot easier. As I often tell clients: progress in game develops along an exponential curve. At first it appears you are making very little progress as the line barely inches above zero on the Y-axis, but eventually, it will pick up steam and then all the sudden guys are having crazy success. It’s why for many of my clients, we work together for a month or two, and then all of the sudden they’re like, “hey bro, I don’t really need you anymore–thanks for all the help.”

Think about any other aspect of life and who ultimately gets what they want. In war, who wins? The nation and people who fully commit. The US won World War II because we were engaged in total war: we altered our domestic production, drafted the men we needed to fight, and put our best minds to building weapons of war and developing strategies to defeat Japan and Germany (obviously, in this case the Axis powers were also fully committed, but they exhausted themselves early, and the stronger player won–if you’re an older guy like me competing against younger guys who are fitter, better looking, and have competent game, they’re going to win; but I can beat most on 2 out of 3 and can therefore win). We haven’t really won a war since because we haven’t fully committed to winning.

In athletics, business, art, etc., similar rules apply: the people at the top of the field are fully committed. Is there some amount of luck? Sure. But you can’t control luck. What you can do, however, is put yourself in a position to get lucky. As Seneca said, “luck is when preparation meets opportunity,” or Arnold Palmer: “the more I practice the luckier I get.”

Going all in: physical appearance.

Your physical appearance is a mix of fixed (genetic) and malleable attributes. You can’t change your height, facial structure, or your race, but you can get a membership to a gym and lift heavy weights regularly, eat a healthy diet, dress well, peacock, and ensure that you look as good as possible, or looks-max as it is often called.

Let’s stop there. Think about the kinds of girls most of us want to date: tight body, big tits, nice ass, trim waist, healthy skin, pretty face, and good style. So, as I often say, think like a girl: don’t you think she wants to date a guy who looks good: has big muscles, low body fat, dresses well, etc? OF COURSE SHE DOES!

And yet, a lot of guys aren’t willing to do that. Redquest has a theory that a lot of guys don’t really care about getting laid that much, and, just the other day, Fest Girl (“FG”) told me something similar: she said most guys are too lazy to do the work it takes to be with hotties. “Guys forget how hard girls work to look good: we spend a fair amount of time every day putting on makeup, we buy cute clothes, we watch what we eat, etc.” The super hot girls who stay hot the longest, also work out (a big red flag with FG, and one that ultimately may spell the end for us). I don’t like the term “deserve” because no one really deserves anything; the question is whether you earn what you get or not, and a lot of guys–most actually–haven’t earned the right to be with a hot chick. Hot chicks are a scarce resource in high demand: high demand and limited supply means high prices. 

Is it fair or easy? No. Our fathers grew up with a generation of women who weren’t openly practicing hypergamy and were far more feminine. Everyone ate fewer seed oils and simple sugars. Simply put, it was a lot easier to get married to a hottie in the baby boomer generation—but it was harder to get laid. On the flip side, chicks now spend their 20s and often 30s just fucking guys they think are hot on a whim: at concerts, festivals, traveling, in college, and particularly when they move to a big city away from their provincial friends and family—which means that if YOU are hot, you can have bang a lot more women than was possible in previous eras.

This goes beyond physical appearance, but one last point on looks: think about the kinds of guys girls think are hot. They are generally fit–often very low body fat with big muscles–many have tattoos, earrings, necklaces, have very good fashion or at the very least a polarizing look, and an archetype that is attractive to women. Like, Mystery wore makeup, goggles, a feather boa, painted his nails, etc. Say what you want, but the man went all in to get what he wanted in terms of looks. To use myself as an example, I got earrings, tattoos, grew my hair long, changed my entire wardrobe, and lost 70 lbs, because I knew that was what it was going to take looks-wise to give myself an advantage with chicks. And yet, so many guys refuse to do ANYTHING along these lines: they won’t get tats, won’t wear jewelry, won’t match an archetype, won’t improve their fashion, won’t go to the gym–that to me is the most bizarre, because it should be so obvious, and yet I’ve had guys tell me they can’t lift weights because they’re playing ultimate frisbee or doing pilates!

Going all in on game and cold approach.

Moving on to the non-physical aspect of getting chicks–I’ve gotten rejected thousands of times. Failure is the best teacher. My path in game hasn’t exactly been linear, and unlike the London boys who are obsessed with stats, I don’t keep them because they don’t matter, and I’m glad for that, because over the course of my life, and especially in the last three years, I’ve failed with women far more than I’ve succeeded. Like, when I first started doing cold approach in early to mid 2018, I had ZERO success–the few numbers I got flaked, my approaches were often dreadful, and I was still struggling with blue-pill tendencies, much like the Allies struggle militarily when invading North Africa in 1942 during Operation Torch. But instead of quitting or whining on Twitter, I doubled down, continued learning, deliberately practicing, working on my fitness, and approaching regularly. It worked. Women are biological systems with their own set of preferences, and we can learn how those systems work and how to maximize our success. 

Persistence and practice taught me was that it wasn’t enough to be super fit, have a polarizing archetype, peacock, etc.–on top of that, I also needed strong game: the ability to be playful with women, to be an entertaining speaker and storyteller, and to create a logistical framework where sex could happen either on dates, or when pulling from night game or the rare SDL. 

Naturals will never beat true PUAs/players because naturals DON’T fail or struggle, which is why they might have a decent run for some portion of their life–when they’re DJing or dealing drugs or have a job as a bartender or the lifeguard at the pool–but then they’ll end up with a girlfriend for a while or get married, and if/when they return to singledom, they can’t do it anymore: either the looks have deteriorated, or they no longer inhabit the environment that provided them access to hot and young. A good friend of mine was a natural–he was very good looking when younger and worked as a bartender at a popular restaurant. He did really well, but he also got married and divorced twice, and, as soon as he changed careers, he no longer had access to the hot tail working at the restaurant. His strong run ended, because his success was circumstantial, instead of being based on fundamentals. No one talks to lottery winners about how to get rich; we talk to business founders. 

The best things in life are done with intention, and naturals aren’t doing this intentionally—they aren’t going all in, or learning/growing systematically. Some of the strongest players are short guys and/or Asian/brown guys (girls are notoriously racist when it comes to mate selection–although I do find it ironic that a lot of asian/brown guys mostly want to date white chicks): because they have to do this intentionally. They have to go all in. So they hit the gym, they figure out their archetype/style, and they work at this harder than most guys. And the best players also calibrate and adjust what they are doing. Like the raptors in Jurassic Park, they’re learning. The guys who go out, mass approach, and get to 1000+ sets and say, “day game sucks and cold approach doesn’t work” are saying that because they are social morons–they aren’t learning from their experiences, and it’s likely their fitness/fashion is also off. As I said earlier: if you’re truly a high 6/low 7 as a guy (or higher), you should eventually have success doing cold approach–and I say that because that’s where I am!

“But RPD, why can’t girls just like me for who I am?” Bro, let’s turn it around: why aren’t you dating a fat girl with a great personality? They’re out there, and they’d be more than happy to jump on your D. But you don’t want fat girls, right? Right. People are attracted to romantic partners for what they can do for us. For guys, what we mostly want from women is sex, and if she’s not attractive to us, it’s not as fun or fulfilling. Women want leadership, companionship, and sex, but for chicks, if other women aren’t attracted to him–if he doesn’t have options–the sex isn’t fulfilling. The other thing a guy can do in this arena is learn BDSM and kink, but that’s for another post.

One of the first tasks I give my clients is to make an effort to be social when out and about–to say hi to random people (typically it’s something like: you will say hi to at least X people this week), give compliments, ask questions, etc, because this will make it easier to talk to girls. They’re supposed to do this everyday, or at least as often as they’re out. And it’s a huge tell for me as a coach, because the guys who do this regularly and make it a part of their life will eventually get good at cold approach. The guys who don’t do it, won’t. You can read millions of words on my blog and others, buy books, take courses, etc., but like any student, if you don’t do the work, you won’t learn or advance in your skill. And guys forget: social skill requires practice. If you never talk to other people, have social anxiety, and barely ever leave your home, you’re not going to be able memorize a bunch of lines that will make you successful with women, and I have no idea how you’re going to run a date or god forbid seduce her at the end of it. 

That’s not a character judgment–hard-core game isn’t for everybody. Cold approach isn’t for everybody. Getting chicks isn’t for everybody. Only 40% of men in human history reproduced. If you don’t want to improve with women, it doesn’t make you a bad guy. There are a lot of other very worthy things to do with one’s life, and eventually, you SHOULD move on to other things, whether that’s having a family, or going MGTOW.  

However, if you want to be a hard-core player–hell, even if you just want to get a hot, young girlfriend–go all in! Act like you mean it. One of the reasons I hesitate to begin my coaching by teaching guys how to optimize OLD, is that for a certain number of them, that’s as far as they’ll ever go. I do it because I want guys to get some experience going on dates and getting laid, because that experience and confidence will make them stronger players and aid in learning cold approach. That said, if a guy is good looking enough (7+), has good pics, and lives in a big enough metro area, he can date cute girls purely through the apps, and, for some guys, that’s enough. A lot of guys hire me to get a girlfriend as it turns out, and as a coach, it’s my job to help them achieve their goals, whatever those goals are. 

But learning cold approach–becoming proficient–is magical. Like, the ability to just walk into a bar or coffee shop and pick up a chick is an absolutely amazing feeling. It borders on having a super power. As anyone who’s gotten good at this can tell you, it has a halo effect on your entire life. The ability to talk to strike up a conversation with anyone and leave them with a positive impression applies to business, friendship, relationships, and beyond.

But to get there, you have to go all in. You have to put in whatever it takes to push that stone up the hill, or walk up to that hundredth person holding the BTC.  It’s the only way. And it’s going to be hard–for some guys, this will take many years, thousands of rejections, and some big changes in appearance, character, and lifestyle. The only thing I can tell you is that it is 100% worth doing.

If you’re ready, hit me up and let’s work together–my coaching program is individualized to help you whatever stage of life or game you’re at, and we’ll work together until you get where you want to go in your journey. I’m also happy to do consult calls where we discuss your questions or a particular topic, and open to other arrangements as well.

There’s never been a better time to be a player.

[1] That is a generic “IF,” not a philosophical “IFF,” which stands for “if and only if.”

4 comments

  1. The fact that you had to change yourself with, “got earrings, tattoos, grew my hair long, changed my entire wardrobe” and other stuff that I am sure your leaving out because you are probably to embarrassed to say just so that you could get validation from a random stranger who is a woman is so troubling that I truly feel sorry for you. I really wanted to have a discussion about why the PUA/Red Pill community is bad for men because of all the lies and frauds that come from the industry but after realizing how you had to completely change yourself just to get acceptance in a society that has so much contempt and hatred for men, my question is why and was it worth it? I don’t see women trying to improve in the least. What do you have to show for going all in?

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    1. >> I don’t see women trying to improve in the least
      I think this is looking at the wrong question. Instead of, “what strategy or actions can I take to make women start making actual progress?”, a better line of inquiry would be, “what can I do for myself to become an attractive inspiration to my past self and people around me?”
      We as individual men don’t have the ability to change the dating market to suit our desires. If we did, every guy who sits on the couch playing video games would have a girlfriend. Instead, because the dating market consists of evolutionary biology (see “The Evolution Of Desire”) juxtaposed with current technology, those who want success enough to change themselves will adapt, and those who don’t want success enough will take what they can get based on luck.
      >>you had to completely change yourself just to get acceptance in a society that has so much contempt and hatred for men
      “Acceptance” from society would be taking the blue pill. Many modern narratives say that men should be gentle, meek, and everything contrary to the attractive man stereotype. Becoming a player is the opposite, in a way; it’s learning how to navigate social situations in a positive way for you, particularly with women, but the reality is that most people would reject us for the label and the stigma of being a player if they knew.
      >>The fact that you had to change yourself with, “got earrings, tattoos, grew my hair long, changed my entire wardrobe” […] is so troubling
      The truth is, many of us start from a somewhat unattractive place in regards to fashion… and let’s be honest, it feels better when you “look stylish” than when you “look like you just put on normal-guy clothes”; it’s a small ego-boost, and makes a major difference in standing out to women when they have dozens of “normal-guys” on social media.

      Here, we’re not complaining about the problems (much). They suck. You realize that, I realize that, that’s why we’re here. Here, we recognize reality, then actively find ways to navigate reality in a way that helps us live more fulfilling and enjoyable lives. If we didn’t feel something was lacking, we wouldn’t have come here in the first place, but the gorgeous thing is *we can change that*.

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    2. You’re looking at this wrong. YOU do all those things (workout, better fashion, etc) for YOU…to build the best version of yourself for YOU. I lift because I don’t want to leave this earth never having seen my body strong. I dress better because I like the way it looks. I do certain hobbies because I like them. Once you’ve improved yourself for YOU, other external things start to happen by default. You’ve become a winner and to the winner goes the winnings that the winner chooses to accept into their life because those are the winnings YOU want.

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